I'm almost Inspired to Clean up my Language

I'm having one of those days. You know the ones that you have to pee so bad but you won't allow yourself to go because you have sooo much to do and you just want to finish one more task before you reward your self with the much needed bladder emptying.

Yes, I actually had to do some work today and now my work day has come to an end so I'm left with little time for blogging.

I know, I know please go get your kleenex I'll wait..

So now that we've all dried our tears I promise you a more original post tomorrow.

But I just had to share with you my favorite commercial.

The one that almost inspired me to clean up my language.

I mean seriously does it get any cooler than calling someone Lint Licker or Cootie Queen when you're really , really pissed off ?

I think not.

Ariel, this is war bitch!

Normally, I'm not so uh feisty. Wait who am I kidding ? Yes I am.

This time the object of my rage is Ariel, the Little Merbeast!

Ariel is J's latest obsession. She has been for some time.

J has the movie, several Ariel dolls, Ariel jammies, an Ariel bathing suit , Ariel coloring books , crayons, the list goes on and on.

So here's the thing, I've spent my hard earned money (as have other relatives) helping Ariel create her Little Mermaid empire and what do I get in return ?

She's brainwashed my daughter.

Not only has she forced the whole household to watch her movie several bajillion times I think she finally caused my daughter to go off the deep end.

Like last night Ariel just had to go and get herself lost somewhere thus causing J to freak. Poor J couldn't go to bed until she recovered her lost friend. And boy that Ariel knows how to hide. We (me and a hysterical J) had to tear the house apart looking for her.

Damn her!

And as if that wasn't bad enough Ariel made my sweet angel J, use several of my nice new napkins because she was cold and she needed a blanket. To add insult to injury, I guess said napkins weren't fancy enough for that snobby mermaid. Ariel then forced J to color on the napkins and put stickers of herself on them for embellishment.

I guess that finally made Ariel happy because she then went to sleep w/J sleeping soundly beside her.

But then that skank did it again this morning. She left herself at the house , so as to make my daughter purposely throw a fit in the car when I was already running late for work. "I want Ariel" J screamed over and over.

I almost had to turn around to go retrieve that little troublemaker.

Instead, I just threatened that Ariel would need to find a new home if she continued to cause this much trouble and with that J's tears dried up and she quieted down.

But who knows what Ariel will do next.

She needs to come with warning labels. Because if I would have known the havoc she was going to wreak on the Worker Mommy household I never would have invited her into our lives.

Gah, the nerve of her... its just got to be her right ?

It couldn't possibly be my sweet little angel.

I Know, I Suck

I really had every intention of completing last Friday's Meme Madness post on Friday but I had the day off of work and we had weather in the 70's (hey,thats big time for us Seattleites this time of year) so I wanted to play.

Can you blame me ?

Back to the 5 Blogs I read but have never linked to meme that Cherann tagged me for

1)Domestically Disabled - She's just a real kind of gal. If she ever stops in to the Seattle area I hope she calls me to hang out for cocktails.
2)Queen Heather fromQueen of Shake Shake - with post titles like I'm Gettin Lit Before a Preschool Program and That's not a Tit, Mr Smarty Pants how could you not read her ? She's sassy and fun. I shall give her some link love soon
3)As you can see I kind of dig fun and clever titles and thats how I stumbled upon You da Mom - She's a summer lovin , fun kind of gal just like yours truly
4)Wacky Mommy - The name similarities lead us to one another. She's a funny, crazed, mom that now works outside her home so how could I not love her
5)Work at Home Mom Revolution I found her via comments on Brillig's Blog and I'm continuing to read her because dammit I want to spend less time in my car traveling to the office. I just know there is the perfect Worker Mommy gig that will allow me to work in my pjs.


So there you have it. I promise some linky love soon.

And last but not least

You da Mom tagged me for this:

INSTRUCTIONS: Remove the blog in the top spot from the following list and bump everyone up one place. Then add your blog to the bottom slot, like so.

1)Mom of 2 and Wife of 1
2) BlondeMomBlog
3) Bun in the Oven
4) You da Mom
5) Worker Mommy

Next, (pay close attention here so you'll know if I have harassed, I mean tagged you) select five people to tag
Butrfly, Whiskey Marie,Janet,Queen of Mayhem,Sugar Kane

What were you doing 10 years ago?

I was 24 and had been dating Mr. Future Worker Mommy for about 1 year. We were likely having lots of sex and partying like it was going out of style. At least I think so . I can't be sure its all a blur.

What were you doing 1 year ago?

The same thing I'm doing now. Except I wasn't blogging. How I missed out on blogging goodness for a whole year I'll never know.

Five snacks you enjoy:
1)Cheese (all kinds and in massive quantities)
2)Popcorn Rice Cakes
3)Terra Salt n Pepper chips
4)Triscuits
5)Celery and Peanut Butter is my fave to have with the chillun'

Five songs that you know all the lyrics to:

1) Rio - Duran Duran
2) Sweet Thing - Chaka Khan and/or Mary J. Blige
3 Touch Me - The Doors (how hard is it to know that one)
4) Blister in the Sun - Violent Femmes
5) All Over You - Live (when I traveled across country with my sis several years ago it was part of our morning routine to sing this song...just one of those silly things you do when you're on the road for 5 days)

Five things you would do if you were a millionaire: (Only five...this is going to be hard)

1) Be debt free (and give some to select family members to also be debt free)
2) Put away some for my kids future
3) Travel
4) Shop, shop , shop
5) Have several custom built homes in several locations

Five bad habits: (Are you kidding I don't have any bad habits)

1) Cussing like a sailor
2) Interrupting - (not because I'm trying to be rude but because I'm afraid my pea brain won't remember certain things if I don't say them at that moment but this is something I'm REALLY working on!!)
3)Being a remote control hog
4)Procrastinating
5)Being a stereo hog in the car

Oooh I sound terrible...

Five things you like doing:
1) Eating
2) Sleeping
3) Traveling
4) Spending Money
5) Dancing

Five things you would never wear again:

1) Flourescent anything
2) Daisy Dukes
3) Spandex bike shorts
4) Shoulder pads
5) White Pumps

Five favorite toys:

1)Simon (remember that game from the 80's I used to play it constantly)
2)Remote Control Cars
3)20Q (sorry You Da Mom I had to steal that one from you)
4) Pretend play kitchen/food /dishes (I don't like my real one mind you but I love my daughters stuff)
5)Do sex toys count ?... ok, I'm keepin it clean here - Barbies

Whew! That was a lot. I need a nap. You think my boss will mind ?

Meme Madness

Ok, I've warned you so quick get out while you can because this is likely more than you'll ever want to know about the magnificence that is Worker Mommy.

I've been tagged for 3 Memes, so here goes;

Lene tagged me for the 10 Things that make me happy meme

1)My family (immediate and extended they are all extraordinary people of which I am pleased to be related to, at least most of the time anyway)
2)The sound of my kids laughter
3)That I got to have 28 wonderful years with an incredible father
4)Good friends
5)My husband's sense of humour
6)Summer
7)Clothes and shoe shopping (hell, who am I kidding I like any kind of shopping except that of the grocery variety)
8)Kendall Jackson Chardonnay ( I know I'm a freak I prefer white over red)
9)My health/being healthy
10)Listening to good music and reading a good book


Tagged again by Cherann
for the 5 Blogs I read but have never linked to...

Ooh shoot, I guess that will have to wait. The kids are awake and they do not love it when mommy is on the computer, plus I really should be getting ready to head over to my mom's house as its her weekly treatment today.

To be continued, my lovelies!

We know you're Here

Monday night while in the store my son B asked for a toy. I allowed him one toy but instead he picked out two.

"Only one toy, Honey" I said

"The other one is for Uncle Clarence"

"Uncle Clarence ?" I questioned secretly knowing who he was referring to but wanting confirmation.

"Yes, he's in my heart."

I then knew for sure who he was talking about. He was talking about his grandfather, my dad.

My children weren't able to meet their grandfather. When they inquired about him several months ago my mom explained that Grandpa was no longer with us every day but that he'd always be in our hearts.

And thats how they know him. Because sadly he was unable to meet my babies. My father passed away suddenly and unexpectedly in 1999.

It was the single most devastating event that has ever happened to me.

I miss him. I miss him terribly.

He was the kind of dad that left work and drove across town to bring me lunch at school because I'd forgotten to ask my mom to pack my Friday lunch and he knew that I despised Friday pizza days at school.
He was the kind of dad that took his daughters to see spectacular Christmas light displays and when one particularly fancy display wasn't turned on he went up to the home and knocked on the door. To this day, I don't know what he said to the homeowners but not only did they turn on the lights for my sisters and I they came out and wished us a "Merry Christmas" and offered us freshly baked chocolate chip cookies.
He was charming and brilliant and funny and I idolized him.

Last night my dad was in my dream. I remembered very little about it this morning, but I remember my dream took place in present day and he was there talking to my sister and I. I've lately had several similiar dreams in which life is as it is now only my dad is there and it always seems normal.

Until I wake up and remember.

My recent dreams coupled with B bringing his Grandpa up out of the blue tells me that he's here. He's here and he wants us to know he's here and I can only assume he's looking out for us.

And for that Daddy, I thank you.

I thank you , I love you and I miss you. I hope you're proud of what you see.

Wise Beyond her Years

"Mommy", my daughter J said to me when I went to pick her up last night "I'm a girlfriend and B's a boyfriend"

"Ok," I said not exactly sure what she was talking about but assuming she was making distinctions between hers and her brother's gender.

As we got into the car I decided I wanted to explore her statement a bit more "So, J" I said, "Tell me what you know about girlfriends and boyfriends"

"Well girlfriends are just...just well girlfriends but boyfriends are impossible"

"Oh really and why is that?" I choked back laughter in order to ask

"Well they're riff raff " she said.

I'm so glad I wasn't drinking anything at that point because it would have been everywhere.

Where she gets this stuff, I have no idea.

But I have to say that she's wise beyond her years - boyfriends,husbands, men whatever can be impossible and yes some of them are "riff raff".

The fact that she's aware of this tells me she's wise beyond her years.

Hell, she's figured out at 4 what many women fail to figure out at 24, 34 , 44 and beyond.

Yep, I won't have to worry about some dude stepping all over her heart...she's already got it all figured out.

Wise beyond her years I tell you...

I'm Required to Tell You

That hubby actually took me out on a date. After , this post I felt you deserved an update (I know you were waiting with bated breath, right ?)

Actually, hubby is insistent that I tell you. He doesn't really read my blog but he certainly knows when I post about him. How you ask ? Because I tell him. Actually I read it to him.

So last night as I sat on the computer looking for homes, hubby walked by and asked "What are you doing, are you blogging ?" ( he is well aware of my newfound obsession with blogging/blog reading)

"As a matter of fact, Hubby, I'm not but I did post about TomGirl's new gig today" I said.

"What, you mean you didn't post about how I took you on a date Saturday?" he asked incredulously.

"Uhh, no Hubby, but I'll get right on that" I lied.

So as not to make a complete liar of myself I'm now honoring my statement to hubby and letting you know that hubby did come home Saturday after working an 8 hour day (he normally doesn't work weekends) and said "I'm taking you out". With no prompting from me, he stopped by my mom's house on the way home from work and arranged care for the kids and then cooked up this little plan to get lucky for us to have a nice night out .

So after beautifying a bit, we were on our way. I'd already fixed dinner for the kids and eaten so we skipped that part of the date. Instead, we went to a new pub/bar down the street from our house and just enjoyed a nice conversation over a glass of wine. That and hubby got in a few rounds of pool while I played cheerleader (he offered doubles but seeing as how I suck I declined).

So there you go. Hubby's no longer the "worst hubby in the state" he did take me on a date and I think its all because I blogged about it.

Hmm...this blogging thing is kind of magical isn't it. If you blog it...it shall happen (said a la Field of Dreams)

Ooooohhh , quick I better post about winning the lottery.

She has no idea

I barely saw TomGirl this weekend and I have to say I'm a little sad because, well my oldest stepdaughter kinda rocks. But for the grace of TomGirl, I'd probably be tragically unhip. She is the reason I know how to Walk it Out and that I know that large hoop earrings signify how big of a ho a girl is (the bigger the O, the larger the ho is the saying at her school)

I didn't get to see her much because she got a job and worked both Saturday and Sunday.

Yes, she's only 14 and yes she's totally getting paid under minimum wage but apparently she's really diggin her new gig.

She's kind of smart, that gal, and actually networked with the owner of the pony place that we threw the twins birthday party at two weekends ago.
TomGirl has been in love with horses for some time so it's the perfect opportunity for her. She mentioned to me that she'd presented the idea to Sarah, the owner. I thought that Sarah was just humoring her and had no real intention of hiring a 14 year old kid so when TomGirl called me last week in a panic because she'd left Sarah's contact information at my house and needed to call her in order to work, I told her not to get her hopes up.

But sure enough Sarah was eager for her to come to work and so on Saturday morning I dropped TomGirl off at 10 a.m. and didn't see her until 6 that evening.
Sunday hubby dropped her off at 10:30 in the morning and that was the last I saw of her this past weekend.

Crazy, I guess I'm a little freaked that my 14 year old is part of the working world.

I guess, I really shouldn't be. After all, I did get my first job at 14. Popeye's Chicken. Even though I had to wear a uniform that I never could quite get the chicken smell out of I thought I was a badass. I was making my own cash of which I could spend every last bit on clothes, shoes and going out with friends because hell I didn't have any bills at 14. I worked with older , hotter guys and got to stay out late (midnight)closing the restaurant. What more could a gal want ?
I loved that job...until one of the sleazy managers grabbed me and tried to kiss me. Yes true story. If I only knew then what I know now. Can you say sexual harassment, boys and girls... but thats a story for another time.

Back to TomGirl.

So she's kicking ass and taking names and is making her own dough. But its bittersweet. I'm proud of her,yet I'm going to miss her if she comes over and then goes straight to work every weekend.

Unless...

6 months down the road when she realizes her weekends are no longer her own and she exists only to work, this new job thing will loose some of its excitement,right ?

What do you think ? Should I tell her or let her find out for herself that working SUCKS ?

Should I tell her that she'll be doing the grind for the better part of 40 years and ask her if she's sure she wants to start now during the time in which she should be carefree and livin on her parents dime.

Well, maybe I'm being a little harsh. I guess "working" doesn't always suck. I mean I am blogging right now and I'm uh, getting paid and I love blogging. So I guess I'm getting paid to do what I love.

So I guess if she's getting paid for doing something she loves then its all good in tha hood (you didn't think I was that cool did you... I told you I can hang ...phrase courtesy of the coolness that is TomGirl)

What is wrong with People ?

The twins really like elevators, they like to push the button to call the elevator, they like pushing the button for our particular floor and they love the ride.

We've been doing a lot of elevator riding lately because of this and it's been the perfect opportunity to continue to teach them about manners and what proper protocol is when riding an elevator. I've been teaching them the importance of waiting until all of the passengers step off the elevator before we step on.
It's been a slight challenge for them because they are 4 and they are so eager to ride in the elevator. They learn quickly though.
Unlike some people.
Today while at the doctors office with my mom we had approached our floor and were ready to get off of the elevator. My mom and I each grabbed a child's hand and let them know we'd reached our floor.
The doors opened and as we attempted to step off we were ambushed by a lady who was more than old enough to know better.
She literally bumped in to us and failed to say "Excuse me" or "sorry" or even "Oops"
My mom, never one to bite her tongue, said to me rather loudly " Wow, some people can really be rude".

"Yes, I noticed" I said

The woman was oblivious.

It floors me sometimes that people can be such asses and fail to realize it. I'm not perfect but when I've done something particularly ass-like I am usually quick to recognize and apologize and I would certainly hope I wouldn't bump in to two children because I feel like whatever I'm doing is so important that decency and common courtesy fly out the window.

I guess Ms. Rude be-atch's parent's must have missed that section in the parenting handbook( You know the one that states its your responsibility to make sure your children are raised to be polite and well mannered).

Alright fine, two can play at that game.

Since Ms. RB has no idea what good manners are, I guess there shouldn't be any problem with my tripping her rude ass next time.

I Need a Magic Pill

Where has the time gone ? May is nearly over and then June will fly by equally as quickly and then its family reunion time.

The July 15th weekend I'll be hanging out with the in-laws on the beautiful Oregon Coast and I'm still resembling pregnant Worker Mommy. I'm still hanging on to that nagging 15lbs. What to do! ? My in laws are really great and they would never say a thing but I'll know what I really look like.
Hell, it'll be the middle of the summer and difficult to hide cottage cheese thighs and turkey flap arms while wearing a tank top and shorts.

I had such the plan, I'd start in January and began my slimming. It would be casual and I'd do it over the course of several months then I'd just be naturally fab for the unveiling reunion.

Sadly the slimming has turned in to a thickening as stress has gotten the better of me.

Curses ! I've been successful at losing weight before, what is wrong with me now ?

Oh, I forgot, I'm older and lazier... yes,thats probably it.

So if I'm honest with myself I need to realize I am not getting younger and unfortunately not getting much more energetic in the near future so I can only wish seriously and desperately wish for that magic pill!

Oh, what I wouldn't do to take that pill and instantly be transformed into the Worker Mommy of yesteryear

(pic circa Sept 2002).














Huh, not realistic is it... I guess I'll either have to get seriously motivated or be satisfied with the Worker Mommy of today:





Ok, well technically that's not me...but it does bear an uncanny resemblance

The Countdown Begins

Approximately 7 hours until the event that literally makes me feel like a child abuser.

The dreaded annual doctors appointment for the twins is this afternoon at 3.

Actually, I can't honestly say that I dread the entire appointment. I do love getting the twins' updated stats and having their pediatrician marvel at how well they are doing but its at the end when their Ped. leaves and the nurse comes in that the madness begins.

Today they have not 1, not 2 but 3 vaccinations. Usually I'm required to hold each of them still while the nurse administers the shot. I know they'll likely cry and I will have to continue to hold them still so the nurse can "hurt" them an additional two times before being able to pick them up and cuddle and soothe them.

I hate it, I absolutely hate it.

In an effort to prepare the kids this morning I told them that Grandma was going to pick them up from FMCP's, bring them by Mommy's work (which they love) and then we'd go to the doctors. "We do need to get a shot", I said " but if you are brave Mommy will let you go to the reward store (aka the Dollar Store) and pick out a toy afterwards. Maybe even two" (see what guilt does to me).

"I don't want a shot" J starts to cry and kick her feet in her car seat. "I won't get one"
I tried to explain that the shots protect us from bad things that can make us very very sick and that Mommy had to get them too when she was a little girl but to no avail.

J just wasn't having it. I can't say I blame her.

My idea of fun with the kids is the Children's Museum or the park, or making our own ice cream sundaes not making them wait in a small lobby ,only to be called in to an even smaller room to be poked with needles.

Sure its a necessarily evil but ,good god, I just can't get beyond the fact that now that they are 4 this is going to be so much more of an undertaking than prior years. They are old enough to tell me "Mommy you suck (or something to that effect)" and I fully expect they might.

Hmmm, I hoped posting would alleviate some of the anxiety I'm feeling over this ...but I'm still counting its about 6.5 hours now...

Welcome to the Spanked Hubby Blog

I like many of you have asked myself how people happened upon my little bloggy thing here so like any curious little blogger I downloaded Google Analytics so as to have the answer to that burning question.

I must say that I absolutely love that someone found me by searching the terms "Spanked Hubby Blog".

I think I might actually rename my blog.

Do you think there really is a spanked hubby blog and if so I'm dying to get over there now and check out the posts.

"Hubby panties" was another favorite of mine. No my hubby doesn't actually wear panties but you know to each his own . I do hope that person finds what they ultimately were looking for.

And to those of you that come here on a regular basis please know I'm diggin you all so much and most of all thank you for writing such enchanting blogs so as to feed my new blogging writing/reading obsession.

And one final note I now know how I will be defined in the dictionary and that is as

"Extremely extreme! "

I always knew I rocked but now everyone else will know. Nice!

Thanks Soccer Mom for the idea

An Intervention ?

It was a wonderful weekend, the twins had their 4th birthday party Saturday, we had good friends over for dinner Saturday evening, Mother's Day was excellent.
It was, dare I say, the perfect weekend. Nothing, even the fact, that I'm inside an office with out windows today and can't properly enjoy the sun is going to spoil my high.

Or so I thought.

One of my girlfriends, Tina, contacted me about another friend of ours,Ray. Back in the day, Tina, Ray and I were all extremely close - there wasn't a thing we didn't do together or know about one another.

One of our favorite things to do was to go out to eat together. Tina and I used to always tease Ray goodnaturedly about his eating habits . None of us ate completely healthily, but we'd laugh at the fact that regardless of what restaurant we went to Ray would always have a cheeseburger.

I knew Ray was dealing with high cholesterol and had been prescribed medication some time ago but now, according to Tina, his cholesterol is off the charts high (340), he has high blood pressure and was just diagnosed with Type II Diabetes and refuses to take his medication.

His reasons: taking medication every day makes him feel old and he doesn't want to be on medication for the rest of his life.

I'm shocked, suprised and at a loss. I can appreciate not wanting to take medication for the rest of ones life but if it will improve the quality of life then take the damn medication!

Tina has presented every argument in the book to Ray - including the fact that he may not be here as long as he'd like if he continues in the manner in which he's doing now.
He doesn't seem to be phased. He just outright refuses.

What to do ?

I'm curious as to what you might do given the situation.

Naturally, its hard to see a friend, whom I care about very much jeopardize his own health. My inclination is to sit him down and let him know how concerned I am. But the reality of it is he is an adult ( a very stubborn one) and he can do as he pleases. Should I just keep my mouth shut knowing I'll get the same outright refusal and childish attitude and watch him slowly destroy himself or try harder and resort to more drastic measures ?

To B & J

Four years ago today it was Mother's Day. It was on that day that I was given the most important job I'll ever know. It was on that day that I became a mom.

I'd spent a good portion of the prior four months laying in bed, feeling your every move, getting to know your individual personalities, bonding with you although I hadn't officially met you.

It was hard lying in bed, restricted to showers every other day and having to go to the bathroom in a bedside commode but I endured. I endured the nurses poking and proding me at 6:00 a.m. , the numerous medications and the inability to leave the hospital for two months because I knew it was what needed to be done.
There was nothing more in the world I wanted than you and I'd have spent all eight months in bed if thats what was required to get your here safely.

And so on that Mother's Day in 2003 you let me know you were ready to make your appearance. It happened like a whirlwind and a few hours later I met you both. Your Dad and I cried when we saw your little faces. I knew my life would never be the same.

Every second, every minute , every hour I'm in your presence I become a better person. You make me think, you make me laugh, you make me smile, you make me overwhemingly happy. I love being your mom. There is no other responsibility I will treat with such importance.
So to the two little stars that brighten my every day, Happy 4th Birthday !

I love you forever and always!

I've been Threatening for Some Time... *Warning not for those easily repulsed

So let me first say that I absolutely, love , love ,love hubby. He's incredibly funny and sensitive and is an amazing father. Doesn't hurt that he's kinda hot too and has beautiful blue eyes that you could just get lost in but ...

Hubby has a little gas problem shall we say.

Sure its a normal bodily function and everyone does it once in a while but I think my hubby considers it an art form.

Its almost like he can fart on command and control the duration too. He seems to think the particularly long ones are funny.

Sometimes as he's in front of me on the stairs he'll let one rip so I get the distinct pleasure of having to walk through the lingering aroma. *Gag*

But wait it gets better:

I think my personal fave is when he uses them as punctuation. Kind of like a "so there!" or a "and thats that".

Or maybe the time when he was buckling J in her car seat just before heading off to his own car to go to work and he said "Here's a kiss (then he kissed her) a hug (and then he hugged her) and a "toot" (well you can guess what he did then).

J thought it was funny. I, of course am thinking nice manners , hubby, way to teach our four year old .

Why am I posting this you ask ? Because this is war! It has to stop. I've been threatening hubby for the longest time that if he continues I'm going to blog about it and I might even post his picture and his real name!

"Go ahead" he says, "People know its a natural thing and probably wouldn't make as big of a deal out of it as you do."

I think he's calling me prude and thems fightin' words!

So this post is for you, hubby, and your flair for flatulence! Pick another hobby, take it outside, stock up on Beano... something!

Yes, ladies, I know, its hot isn't it ? Try to restrain yourselves ,please, because I know you want him now don't you?

What other way is there to look at It ?

On my commute to work each day I pass quite a few businesses and stores and things that catch my eye but none so much as the new cosmetology school near FMCP's house.

The large sign out front says Acme Cosmetology , Bringing Beauty back to the Community.

I have to wonder...who thinks this shit up ? My assumption is that they, like many other companies, hired an advertising firm to help create that tagline.
For several weeks now as I've driven past this sign I've tried to put myself in the mind of the executive and imagine what the train of thought was that lead him or her to that bit of advertising genius.

Here's what I've come up with:

Head Honcho: Ok, team we've got this new cosmetology school that wants us to give them a brand

Overpaid Ad Exec.: Hmmm, we should incorporate the word beauty because everyone wants to be associated with that which is beautiful

Head honcho: Keep going...

Overpaid Ad Exec.: What about Keeping our Community Beautiful ?

Head Honcho: I like it , I like it but isn't that community full of ugly people ?

Overpaid Ad Exec.: Good point, good point (taps his head for a few moments as he thinks ) Ok, got it, how about Bringing beauty back to the community ?

Head Honcho: Yes, thats it, now lets go collect our millions, I mean present it to the client

Well, maybe thats not exactly how it happened.

Perhaps that line was a play on the fact that the cosmetology school replaced a store that had been built in 1956 and was a bit rundown.

Fine, thats a bit better but if the goal was to beautify the community architecturally then why on earth would they make the siding red, gray, tan and brown. Thats not beauty,thats the building designer on crack.

So yeah, any way you look at it they just called the community and its inhabitants ugly.

Sure, I'm not an Advertising Exec. but something tells me that you probably shouldn't diss the community you want to patronize your business.

Uhh yeah, in the words of the ridiculously badly coiffed Donald Trump "You're fired"

Is this Tacky or am I just a Freak?

Short post today,folks, as I'm existing on very few hours of sleep because B came down with a cold and slept very little due to congestion and repeated coughing. Poor baby, he's home with Daddy today.

But anyway on to my point. I recently got an email from a friend. It was entitled "My Child's Birthday Wish List"

It went like this:

Greetings,

I have gotten several inquiries as to what my child would like for her birthday. We sat down together and she made this list:

1. Cash register (her daddy and I are buying this)

2. Barbie horse

3. Big plastic playhouse ( hey, a girl can dream!)

4. Leapster

5. Barbie Dad (Ken) and Barbie baby

6. Barbie house

7. Barbie clothes

8. T-ball stand and bat ( this was my addition because we need something fun in the back yard and she is just starting to get into baseball)

9. Swim lessons ( I added this too - it's great to receive something that betters you as a person and not just "stuff").

As you can see playing with Barbies has been the main past time in our house since I brought home some of my childhood toys from my recent trip back home. My child is having a pony theme party and is into ponies/horses,princesses, spiderman/superheroes among other things.

*Please NO:

backpacks, baby dolls, or clothes because she has way too many and she will only wear clothes that she picks out and tries on - she has so many cute outfits and REFUSES to wear them.

Love you all,


So here's the thing, I guess its nice that some of the guesswork is taken out of what to get for the child's birthday but isn't this quite presumptous ?
I didn't happen to be one of the "several" that asked for the list so why did I get included ?

Ok, so the letter might have been fine if it included just the list...but the * at the end is what sealed it. I'm officially turned off.
Am I crazy or just in a sleep deprived fog and making a bigger deal out of this then need be ?

And So it Ends...

A couple of weeks back, I revealed that TomGirl finally admitted to having a boyfriend. I was even able to score a conversation with the dude and ask him if he'd put his grimy lips on my stepdaughter, I mean ever tried to kiss her.

Well as quickly as it began I'm sorry to say it ended. Last week TomGirl called to say she'd made honor roll (and this is B-I-G as she'd previously had a report card w/all but one F but I digress).

"Marc and I slow danced together at the school dance" she said after we'd whooped it up about her academic success.

"Aww, I said "Did you have a good time?"

"No, it was only,like, for 2 minutes" she said "and then it was just weird".

"Oh, did he get a boner mid dance which grossed you out and forced you to end the dance?"

I'm kidding. I would never say that to my 14 year old but I sure was thinking it.

She never would elaborate on why it was weird but Friday night when she came over one of the first things she said is "Marc told me not to like him anymore"

"Huh, " I said. "What's that supposed to mean ? " realizing that was his 15 year old way of breaking up.

"I dunno" she says "He's just being weird, he kinda says he doesn't like me anymore".

"Are you ok ?" I asked emphathetically

"Yeah, I don't care" she deadpanned

"Ok, well I'm sorry that happened"

With that she headed towards her room but seconds later she comes back and says "You know what you should do, you should call him and yell at him"

Ha, I knew it, of course she cares. She really kind of fell for this kid.

Ahhh, first loves.

Of course , if memory serves and middle school drama is like it was when I was there they'll be back together this week.

Well, either that or he'll be dating her best friend.

I Might be Helping to shape your Future, be very Afraid

I've already told you what a freak I am when it comes to doing focus groups.

Well, you can imagine my delight when I received an email entitled Get Ready! Your Homescan Membership Is About To Begin / Panelist #:123456

I got hooked up with Homescan (a division of ACNielsen) because of the many focus groups I've done and of course because I am such a stellar consumer I am uniquely qualified to shape the purchasing habits of households worldwide.

They'll send me a handheld scanner which I'll use to scan the purchases I make and then ultimately upload that data to the ACNielsen folks. My scanner should arrive in about 2 weeks and I'm totally geeked.
A) because I like electronic gadgets

and

B) because I get stuff, like freebies and all sorts of goodies for participating

Only I'm a little worried about the timing of this scanner and what I'll be shopping for at that time.

So, if the next time you go into a grocery store you see rows of Funyuns and chocolate you have me to thank. Take comfort in knowing that my ultra health conscious choices while in the throws of PMS helped shelve the stores of America.

No, no applause needed.

And with that I'm off to make margaritas for my workplace for our Cinco de Mayo potluck. Yeah you heard me, margaritas at work.

Oh, you can expect to see shelves and shelves of those too.

Oh, How my Body Betrays me...

Dear Left Foot,

We've known one another going on 35 years now and I've been good to you haven't I ? I've tried to support you as best as I can giving you ample time to rest by not leaning on you too much but allowing you to lazily rest on the makeshift ottoman under my desk during the day.
I keep you safe , clean and dry and during the warmer months I've tried to pamper you with spa treatments when I've known you'd be exposed to the world.

I've given you a fabulous home. Well several in fact.

Why oh why do you betray me so ? I thought we were past this.

I lovingly cared for you during your time of need, exercising you, icing you and even giving you medicine when you could take no more.






I even bought you this







when all I really wanted to do was keep you housed in this



Why you would tease me like this I don't know.





I thought I was rewarding you for finally weathering this storm by slipping you in to these yesterday.


But oh today how you punish me for incorrectly assuming you were ready for such a gift.

Now I want us to remain friends, but I can only take so much. There has got to be some give and take here.
C'mon whaddya say... can't we all just get along ?

Love,
Me

P.S. Righty, let this be your warning. Don't even think about starting any shit.

Dammit, I've been Tagged

So I was unable to hide, shit ... I mean cool.

I've been tagged by Sugar Kane for a game of "Chinese Freeze Tag" (why in the hell is it called that?). Here's how it goes:

I'll write 10 (hopefully) interesting facts about me and/or habits of mine.- I'll tag 10 people.- If you've been tagged, you do your own list and tag 10 more people. ("No tag backs.")

1)I am a twin and I gave birth to twins

2)I'm really kinda short (5'1 and maybe 3/4) sometimes I get mistaken for a teenager (but only when the person is like 90 and has cataracts or something). In fact a couple of years ago I was actually carded in Blockbuster while trying to rent an R movie.

3)I'm left handed

4)I was put on strict bed rest during my pregnancy. I actually lived in the hospital for two months

5)My family is a veritable rainbow. I'm African American. Hubby is Caucasian. The twins are 1/2 African American 1/2 Caucasian . My stepdaughters are 1/2 Mexican , 1/2 Caucasian.

6)I absolutely dig hip hop music. For a long time my career aspiration was to be a dancer in a hip hop video (not one of the hoochies but one of the cool, bad ass hip hop dancers)

7)I named my grade school lunchroom mascot and " The TJ Lunch Bug" ( I was only 7 or 8, whaddya expect ?) still carries that name to this day.

8)I love a lot of the super cheesy television shows from the 80's/early 90's because it reminds me of my youth - in fact I just watched "Beverly Hills,90210" the other day and got all caught up in Donna and Kelly's drama. (I know I'm a freak)

9)I will turn 40 on 12/12/12 (so send me lots and I mean lots and lots of gifts)

10)If I was guaranteed financial stability I would absolutely have one more kid

Shoot, now I have to tag 10 people. I don't think I have 10 to tag. Am I a cheater if I say a general "you're tagged" and assume that 10 people will respond ? I mean I'm just learning about all these cool bloggy people now.
Besides I do have a job to do so leave me alone (because we all know that the job comes first and I would never, ever,ever take valuable work time to blog)

Why I do what I do

Today is one of those days I'd like to tell everyone in my workplace to go to Hell. Employees are whiny and the paperwork is piling up which I despise because then I don't have time to blog I can't complete all the tasks I need to.

I often wonder why I put up with this crap.

Good lord, its almost like I have to mother some of these employees and they are not nearly as cool as my own kids.

Aah my own kids. They are growing and maturing and turning into these wonderfully amazing little people.

The twins are just 10 days shy of four and are just the funniest, brightest,most articulate children.

Take for example our drive home yesterday :

As we passed a park in which a bird was sitting

B: Mommy I want you to stop the car so I can go get that bird
Me: No, honey , I can't stop the car besides what would you do with that bird if you were to "get" him ?
B:Put him in a cage
J: No, that might hurt him and if he gets hurt he'll have to go to the vet , vet- veterinarian

I was quite impressed by my daughters knowledge.

And as the kids begin to talk about the bird and make each other laugh about different things I heard J say. "Oh B you're so funny, you fill me with suprises".

I had to laugh because when you hear that kind of thing come from a four year old what else can you do ?

Later,as we passed a Dennys Restaurant B said "There's Dennys."

I was suprised that he knew what it was as its not somewhere we go much at all .
I asked how he knew that.
"I just know, Mommy" he said

" You're not able to read yet," I said good naturedly teasing him "How do you know?"

"Yes, I can" and then he paused " "No, I'm just kidding mommy. I'm making a joke"

I was quite impressed by his wit and the fact that he knew he was being witty.

My children amaze me daily and as for all the moments that they've tested my patience what can I say? I am truly blessed because the moments spent soaking in their innocence ,their wit and their pure love outweigh all of that by far.

I guess I now know why I put up with the crap here at work.

Because my children deserve nothing less than the universe and I'm going to give it to them. So if I have to take a little crap every now and then to be able to help provide for my family dammit thats what I'll do.