Tuesday, April 17, 2007

...And this was Only the Beginning of my Weekend

I was looking forward to a quiet Friday night.

Hubby was planning to have guys night out and once he put the twins to bed I was fully planning on enjoying well, me. (It's so rare that I get time to myself).

So I settled in on the couch and started my countdown to "me time". I began to daydream about how I might give myself a pedicure, catch up on some reading, take a bubble bath and enjoy a nice glass of wine when hubby appeared freshly showered and clad only in a towel.

"Shouldn't you be getting ready?" I ask. "I will" he says "but I'm not in a hurry" he says in that voice (you know the one).

Then he pounced.

"Hubby " I say "the kids are probably not asleep yet".

"Thats ok , we always hear them " he says trying to get back to the matters at hand but pulls the cover up over us anyway.

So we busy ourselves with a little grab ass, when all of the sudden J is downstairs right in front of the couch.

We didn't even notice her until she spoke.

"Mommy, Daddy B. swallowed a rock! " she exclaimed.

"What ? " We questioned in unison. I'm quickly trying to untangle myself from hubby and find something to cover up with so I can dash upstairs and investigate.

I run up the stairs holding only my pajama top in front of me and manage to slip it over my head while climbing the stairs. I arrive in their room and B. is sitting on the bed wide eyed.

"Did you eat a rock ?" I ask as I check him over. "Yep" he says casually.

J finds a similiar "rock" to show me an example of what he swallowed which is a more like a marble and near as I can figure it is from a small fish tank that we had years ago. How on earth it resurfaced I'll never know.

"Why ?" I question "Honey, you know we only put food in our mouth"

"Yep" he said. Quickly realizing I'm not getting anywhere with this conversation I pick him up and head to the phone to call poison control (now looking back on it I'm not sure why I chose to call them rather than the doctors office but...I digress).

I'm in panic mode and hubby tells me not to worry that B will pass the "rock" within a few days and he'll be fine.

"I would just like to call Poison Control to be sure" I said.

B who's been very calm this whole time starts to cry and says "No, Mommy, I don't want you to call the Police."

Poor thing, he must have thought I said I was going to call the Police.

As I dialed Poison Control, I told him I wasn't calling the police I was calling the Poison Center to find out what to do next.

He calmed down and I completed my call with the Poison Center and it was as hubby stated. The rock should pass within 3-4 days. If not she suggested I call his pediatrician as they may want to do an X-ray but as he's generally a healthy kid he shouldn't experience any problems as a result of his appetite for marbles.

So now we are on "Poop Watch" which J thinks is hilarious.
She got upset when I told her the "Poison People" weren't coming to our house because they didn't need to but was rather amused when I told her that the rock would simply come out when B. went potty.

"You mean it will come out of his booty ?" She asked and then proceeded to crack up.

"I know there has been a lot of excitement but lets calm down and get back in bed" I say ushering her and B in the direction of their room.

After tucking the kids back in to bed, I head downstairs to start planning "me" night. Hubby is on his way out the door and I'm excitedly thinking it's really going to happen.

Only once he left, all I could think about was B. and while I know there was nothing I could do about that little "rock" laying in his tummy I began to worry. So I went back upstairs and brought him and his blankie to the couch so I could keep a watchful eye on him.

Since plans to party solo had crashed and burned I figured I might as well catch up on some household duties.

Laundry seemed to be the most low maintenance task and would allow me keep an eye on B and maybe watch a little tv.

I grabbed some of my dainties and put them in the wash and again settled on the couch. I barely made it through that short load of laundry.

Grab Ass and rock swallowing wore me out.

I quickly folded some panties and set them on the arm of the couch intent on taking them upstairs to put them away after I rested for a bit.

Next thing I know hubby is home and telling me "Honey, Thomas is here. He couldn't drive home so I thought I'd let him crash on the couch."

I mumble an expletive and grab B and head upstairs to bed.

I awoke the next morning to the front door shutting. I looked at the clock and it was about 7:00 a.m. Hubby's buddy had left and thus I could go downstairs bed head and all.

Thats when I remembered I'd left my panties on the arm of the couch.

Slightly embarassed I went downstairs to retrieve them but they were no where in site. I searched under the couch, the couch cushions the blanket and everywhere else in the vicinity.

Hubby, I run upstairs to wake him up. "I think Thomas took my panties".

"Naw-uh" he says groggily.

"Uh-uh" I didn't want to believe it either but they were nowhere to be found.

"Really ?" hubby sits up in bed.

"I'm pretty sure."

Here's the clincher - this particular friend of hubby's calls way too much only he hasn't called in the last few days. Coincidence ? I think not.

Uh Yuck !

Now I'm not sure what to be more upset about.

The fact that hubby's friend is a total perv or the fact that the pair of panties he took was my favorite pair.

And that was how I spent the beginning of my weekend.


Butrfly4404 said...

That's...ah...effed up. Creepy. Ick. Me? I'd ask him...that's just me, though. :)

I, too, was looking forward to some "ME" time this weekend! The Man was going fishing Sun. morning and the kids weren't due back from BioMom's until noon...I cleaned, too. WTH is wrong with us?? I could have danced naked and painted my toenails..but I sorted the effin magazine rack instead. I'm a glutton for pain, obviously.

Butrfly4404 said...

Oh...and, after dark the other night, I ran into the living room in my t-shirt and panties to shut off the tv...on the way back, Ninja Boy had come walking up the stairs. The Man couldn't stop laughing...I was SOOOO embarassed. hahah..JUST talking about the undies thing!!

Sugar Kane said...

How funny! Creepy, yes, but funny. You'll have to let us know if you ever get them back!

Brillig said...


I was seriously laughing out loud the whole time I was reading this. My kids have been in and out, asking me what's so funny. Oh my gosh, I'm dying here.

Sorry you lost your favorite undies. Sorry you were caught "in the act". Sorry your kid swallowed a marble.

Unfortunately, I couldn't type any of that without laughing...

Worker Mommy said...

Btrfly - I'm not exactly sure how to, uh, broach that subject with hubbys friend...

And Sugar Kane- not really sure I'd want them back now - if you know what I mean :)

Brillig - I, know, total comedy of errors. I can only hope next weekend will be better.