Wednesday, September 29, 2010

I'm on a Boat (well... almost)

For those of you that don't get that reference see (and note that I uploaded the "clean" version because I'm thoughtful like that):

In just a few days, I will get to take full advantage of that awesome suprise I bestowed upon my husband a few months back.

I am positively, absolutely, ridiculously 100% excited to the point where it's been hard to focus on much else.

My life, of late has been work and second grade math and I don't know which is worse. There's this whole strategy of ten thing that the twins are learning that is giving me nightmares. Oh and my mouth, or teeth rather are being assholes. Which translated means that at the ripe old age of 37 I've been told "looking in to braces would be a good idea". But no I don't want to talk about it.

Because in a matter of days I'll be on a boat, kissing dolphins , 10th anniversary'ing with the Mr. and knocking back several cocktails.

And at this point not a whole hell of a lot else matters.

*and while you wait for me to get back and regale you with my tales of awesome head on over to my review blog to check my latest giveaway(6 winners y'all). Mini chickenburgers mmm...

Tuesday, September 21, 2010

Public Bathroom PSA. You're welcome

I'm a little frustrated. It seems that every time I walk in to the bathroom at-the-place-that-shall-not-be-named-but-I'm-there-Monday-through-Friday, I encounter behavior that leaves something to be desired.

Since I can't put out a memo, or post rules in the bathroom itself I feel compelled to write this down somewhere in hopes that those filthy buggers might see fit to change their ways.

So in no particular order:

  • Don't moan. I mean really I get that sometimes business is a little tough to do. But hearing someone one moan (or groan) creeps me out. I feel like shouting "Dude, it's called fiber!"

  • If you funk up the bathroom and air freshener is anywhere in the vicinity : USE IT. Maybe you can run away from your smell but the next person that walks in to said bathroom I'm sure would much rather be greeted by the scent of garden rain rather than assaulted by the odor of ass

  • Remove your pubes from the toilet seat. There is nothing worse than going into a stall and finding that little surprise.

  • FLUSH THE TERLIT - need I say more. I don't want to know that you need to drink more water or had corn for dinner last night (I know I even grossed myself out on that one)

    and last but certainly not least

  • Wash your damn hands. If I even catch you leaving the bathroom without washing your hands I will stop you, ask you for your phone number and call your mother because clearly you lack home training (and yeah I went there)

    Y'all got anything to add ?
  • Monday, September 6, 2010

    Someone is laughing their a** off right now

    First, please sit down. Oh and you better put your drink down too because what I have to tell you will surely send you in to a fit of laughter and we wouldn't want that Diet Coke/wine/beer coming out of your nose. Trust me it doesn't feel all that good.

    Now then, just moments ago I found that someone (I have no clue who) nominated this blog for Best Parenting Blog on the 2010 Best of Western Washington deali-o. (I'm not even linking to it because I honestly think this really is someone's idea of a joke)

    If you're here from there, welcome and feel free to stay awhile (note that I'm attempting to soften my use of expletives just for you) but I say that with this caveat:

    This isn't really a parenting blog.

    Yes, I am a parent and sometimes I write about my children but this is not that blog. If you're looking for cute and fuzzy stories about what my children did yesterday you won't find (much of) that here. This is more of a crazed rambling humor blog with a side of parenting.

    For those of you who already knew that - let's just let this sink in and laugh our a**es off. Together.

    P.S. Because I'm not a completely ungrateful hag: To that person who nominated me I say "thanks I think". I "blush" in your general direction.