Thursday, February 28, 2008

Like twins

Last night after putting the twins to bed I settled on the couch to relax a bit and watch the tube. Just as I'd gotten comfortable, I heard the squeaky sounds of B & J's bedroom door and knew they'd started the first "leg" in the series of the get- out-of-bed-every-five-minutes marathon.

"Back in bed" I said firmly.

"Mommy" I hear in a little quivering voice

"What,B" I responded poised and ready to counteract whatever excuse my son was ready to present for why he couldn't go to bed

"I've got something in my nose" he said through tears.

Knowing my son as I do I instantly sprung in to action and begin examining his nose to see what I could find. Nothing.

"I don't see anything" I said.

"But there's something in my nose from the boo boo thing" he said adamantly

Unsure what he was talking about I asked him to show me what he was referring to.

As I walked with him towards his bedroom I saw my daughter walking from the bathroom with watery eyes also claiming her nose hurt.

Upon reaching their room I immediately smelled the problem.

My little monsters dumplins had gone in the linen closet, gotten the first aid kit, played with and thrown the bandages aside and then opened up the alcohol wipes and were sniffing them.

I grabbed some tissue from the bathroom and had them both blow in to a tissue a few times which seemed to help. After I was sure they were ok, I promptly scolded them for getting in to things they know they aren't supposed to. I warned them of the harm those types of things can cause when not handled properly and by an adult.

Once I felt they'd been sufficiently chastized, I tucked them back in bed and left the room.

As I left, I chuckled a bit. "Did my 4 1/2 year olds just try to get high?" I wondered.

Naw...couldn't be

But, it wouldn't be completely unheard of.

It's not like someone else in the house hadn't done the very same thing last week

Sunday, February 24, 2008

I could tell you about it, but then I'd have to kill you

I accomplished most of the things on my list from last Thursday with a few slight exceptions. Most importantly, I met up with another fabulous blogger, Doozie, whom unfortunately I can't link to because as Groovy Mom, the other fabulous blogger I had the pleasure of meeting, puts it Dooz is "currently in the witness protection program" (aka no longer has a public blog).

Now then, can I say that Dooz is an absolute nut case and I love her more now then ever and Groovy Mom, well she's just incredibly sweet and I love that she accepts that I am a certified lunatic and still wants to talk to me.

We all met up for karaoke and drinks and although I arrived on the tardy side I was raring to go (and no for those of you wondering, I don't sing...I listen, well maybe I sing to myself at the table and dance in my seat a little...but yeah seeing as how my voice resembles the sounds of a goat pissin in a tin can, i don't traumatize the bar going public).
I can't begin to tell you all the craziness that occured, all I can say is I remember several exclamations of " you better promise not to blog this" throughout the night. So I'm adhering to that. I believe there may have even been a contract signing in blood... I can't be sure.
That said, I had an amazingly fun time with these ladies and hope to see them again soon.
And I thought blogging was fun, who knew spending time with the bloggers I've bonded with over the last year could be so nifty.
Now, I'm on a mission to meet each and every one of you.
I'm thinking I may start a tour. The WM blog circuit...coming to a town near you.
Be very afraid!

Thursday, February 21, 2008

Because I feel cheated that I was the only one working on Presidents Day

I'm taking tomorrow off of work to enjoy a three day weekend. I may or may not be doing some or all of the following- you decide

  • watching ridiculously trashy tv until 3:00 a.m.

  • falling asleep around 4 a.m., putting pillow over head when kids wake up at 7:30 a.m.

  • Eating stacks upon stacks of pancakes and turkey bacon until I ooze dough and grease from my pores

  • shopping until I have drained my checking account of every red cent

  • napping, napping and more napping

  • meeting another fabulous blogger for karaoke and cocktails

  • drinking until I get kicked out of the bar

  • Practicing several renditions of "Sexyback" for my karaoke debut

  • Realize I am so good at Karaoke that I quit my job, cash out my retirement plan move to Hollywood and try and make it as a singer. Film my rise to stardom and watch as it becomes the most watched documentary. Ever.

  • Become a one hit wonder, realize that I am a hack, develop drug addiction, go to rehab, recover nicely, build my life back and live happily ever after

    Happy weekends to you all.

  • Tuesday, February 19, 2008

    Hi! ...or should I say "High"

    I spent hours in the dentist chair yesterday evening for a rather intense deep cleaning and a filling and well... I kinda of feel beat up. Have you ever been hit in the jaw with a sledgehammer? No me neither, but I imagine the pain I'm feeling now is akin to that.

    But God love my dentist, before I left she sent me away with a prescription for pain meds. Remembering all they had done while I lay numb, I thought it best to get the prescription filled immediately. So I headed to the Walgreens across the street.

    After waiting in Walgreens for what seemed like seventy hundred hours getting odd looks from people who saw only a messy haired lady (damn the dental chair for giving me bed head) with a perma frown on the left side drooling and not realizing it; I got the coveted meds.

    Once I arrived home I popped one of those little suckers, said goodnight to the hubby and kids and lay down in bed.
    In no time flat the tv show I'd been watching became the most wonderful show ever. And my socks. Well those were the most comfortably warm and cozy socks ever. I even looked down at my feet to see which ones I was wearing and made a mental note to buy more. And my blankets, well they felt as if they were sent from the Gods.
    I was warm and cozy and never wanted that moment to end. My kids, who I could hear arguing with hubby about going to bed were the most wonderful kids in the world. And hubby , well he was the most amazing man that ever lived. Ever.
    I smiled to myself at what a perfect life I have and how lucky I am.

    I woke up late this morning but having slept incredibly well. As hubby and I stood at our sinks getting ready, I recalled how amazing I felt but didn't know why.

    I relayed the story to hubby who began to laugh.

    "Dear" he said, "You took a vicodin last night...don't you remember?"

    And then it hit me like a ton of bricks: I WM, 35 year old mom, wife and career woman had gotten utterly and completely high last night.

    Monday, February 18, 2008

    And the Winner is....

    Congrats to the The Milk Maid. She's the lucky winner of the Chicco You & Me Deluxe Infant Carrier.

    Thanks to everyone that shared their favorite memories. As I said before I absolutely loved reading them. I wish I had a carrier to give away to everyone. Sadly I don't but you do still have another chance to win. Head on over to Chicco's Giveaway Site. They're generously giving away one carrier per day through February 29th.

    Good luck!

    Friday, February 15, 2008

    What if women uttered cheesy pick up lines

    To add a little levity to my crazy Friday, my sister forwarded a link to this site . Each time I read one of these incredibly cheesy lines I couldn't help but think who on earth thinks these up? Better yet, who actually uses them. Only the desperatest(and yes I know desperatest is not a word...what of it) of desperate males would use the line "Is your Daddy a pirate ?" "No , you could have fooled me with a booty like that"

    I doubt even on my worst day I'd ever, ever, utter something so lame . I'd like to think I had more game back in my day.

    But, as I began to think about it more I thought perhaps there are some women in need of a little help in the "getting a guy department". So because I'm all about helping a sista out, I have reached in to the depths of that part of my brain -the part that usually only comes out with too much liquor- and I give you these: my contributions to the pick up line arena (uttered by women to men)

    "Was your Daddy a sculptor ?" "No, could have fooled me with that incredibly chiseled jaw line ?"

    "Do you work with wood?" "No, can I work with yours ?"

    Now then go forth in to your weekend and slip one of these little jewels in to your bar conversation (or let your single gal pal do it for you) and let me know how you fare.

    Nope no thanks needed. I'm here to help.

    Oh, and by all means if you've got an original pick up line to add, please feel free to add it in the comments. Our single sisters will thank you for it.



    Thursday, February 14, 2008

    Spreading the Love, Chicco Style

    Happy Valentine's Day!

    Mwah to you, you and you.

    Now then, I promised details on Chicco's Giveaway. So here they are in all their glory.

    Chicco is giving away one carrier per day now through February 29th at 5:00 p.m. So, head on over there

    and don't forget there is still time to enter my giveaway for one of the fab new carriers. So keep the entries coming. I LOVE reading all of your stories.

    Peace, Love, Smooches and Luck,


    Tuesday, February 12, 2008


    I left my dentist's office,last week, with freshly polished teeth, goody bag in hand and feeling fine. Dental visits are so far from my top ten list of things to do it's a wonder I felt anything but psychological trauma. But, I'd recently found a supercool new dentist that offered the distraction of a DVD, pillow and blanket whilst they poked and prodded at my poor teefs. In the end,my appointment was relatively painless and my mouth felt incredibly fresh from the nifty berry flavored polish they used.
    I was on a dental "high" of sorts. Vowing to never forget to floss and brush after every meal all the time ,every day.

    That "high" is the only excuse I can dream up for what I did next.

    In my car,stopped at a stoplight moments later I poured out the contents of my goody bag. I picked up the floss,examined it and on a whim began flossing my teeth. In.traffic.

    I don't know what came over me to cause this sudden burst of trashiness.
    But sure as I sit here typing that is what I did.

    Seconds later, I realized I was in a car with windows and not my own personal bathroom. I quickly looked to the right of me to see if anyone had noticed.

    Sure enough, someone had. And HE was kinda cute. I quickly pulled my hands away from my mouth and tried to laugh it off. He laughed, then turned to his passenger and gestured towards me and laughed and pointed.
    Great, I thought he's teasing me... as if I wasn't embarassed enough.
    Just then the light turned green and I made my left turn, glad to be speeding away from my tormenter.
    I headed on to the freeway,when of all the luck, traffic began to slow down and HE pulled up next to me. I vowed not to look over and desperately willed the traffic to begin moving.
    Out of my peripheral vision I could see my "dental-floss-tormenter-boy" moving about.
    Unable to ignore him any longer I looked over. HE was again pointing and laughing.
    Traffic began to move and I quickly sped up and away. As I continued to drive, a thought popped in to my mind - what am I so worried about ? It was only teeth flossing. At least I was showing my love of hygiene.

    Hell most people get caught picking their nose.

    All of a sudden I felt fine once again.

    Friday, February 8, 2008

    Chicco Loves You and so do I: A (Pre) Valentines Day Giveaway

    Hey baby mamas, baby daddies and mamas and daddies to be how would you like to be the recipient of Chicco’s new You & Me Deluxe Infant Carrier. (Not a mama or daddy but know someone who will soon be that's ok too...after all it's great to be known as the "coolest gift giver ever")

    The You & Me Carrier allows baby to face in for extra closeness, or out for exploring. The nicest thing: either position keeps your baby close to your heart.

  • Recommended for infants 7-25lbs

  • Ergonomic fit: developed in collaboration with the International Ergonomics Association for maximum comfort for parent and baby

  • Easily adjusts to fit taller and short parents- padded shoulders and waist band are wide and adjustable

  • High Tech fabric is breathable and prevents sweating

  • Opens from the front to allow parents to remove infant easily, without disturbing naps

    This fabulosity retails for $99.99 but because I heart you, one of you lucky folks will get one for free. Simply leave a comment by February 17 11:59 p.m telling me about your favorite Valentines day memory be it romantic, funny, embarrassing or insane and you’ll be entered to win. One winner will be randomly selected and announced February 18th (and please, if you do not have a blog please remember to leave an email address so that I may contact you if you're the winner) .

    And never fear if you don’t win it here Chicco is going to be giving away one carrier per day for approximately two weeks beginning on Valentines Day. Additional details will be posted on 2/14.

    Good Luck, y’all.
  • Wednesday, February 6, 2008

    Because I Must Blog

    I am SUCH a liar. Well, maybe not a liar so much as a drama queen. After my last overly dramatic post only days ago about not posting for a while,here I am.

    I guess blogging about not blogging was very therapeutic. Once the thought tumbled from my brain to my blog I felt less anxious and crazed about the whole thing. So here I am back and bad-asser then ever.

    Weeeell,I’m back but it could be short-lived as unfortunately, I was not making up the fact about work sucking sewage and being ridiculously busy. But,hey I’m worth a few minutes of “play time” . So I shall shut-eth my door and share with you something I found quite funny.

    A bit of background - when avoiding dreaded work related duties during the day I tend to rely on my old pal,Mr. Internet to be my Calgon.

    You see, I have kind of a routine. I check my email, then Craigslist, then head off to the blogosphere.

    Why Craigslist? Well it’s just chock full of fabulously useful and uselessly fabulous information. Typically, I start looking in the Etc Jobs section because that is where I find out about all those groups. You know the ones that pay me to run my mouth . Then I head over to the Baby and Kids section and quickly scan it to see if there are any "must-haves" .

    Today whilst in the aforementioned section I came across a posting too good not to share. It read:

    Looking for a Babysitter?? Your in LUCK!!

    IF you are going out or just need time from your children your in luck! Im a 17 year old that has experience in babysitting kids. I have baby sat a range from 6 months-6 years. My experience is from a daycare at my school and also my moms friends had me babysitt their children as well. I get along with kids very much i like to do little arts and crafts help read to them and bathe, watch movies, ect! Also i love to clean other peoples houses if you need that while babysitting! I have my first aide card and my CPR card.. But when i was 16 my car got stolen so my cards did to! :( but if you live in the x county and are looking for someone to babysitt i am a reliable person and very responsible. If needed during the week i must only be available until 9 pm i get out of school at 2:20 if you are interested please email me or call! or (email provider and phone number omitted to protect the poor delusional girl) thanks Jane Doe (name also omitted to protect her crazy ass)

    Now, bless her heart for trying, because we all gotta start somewhere but does she realize that MOM’s with KIDS are actually reading her post. Besides the fact that her grammar makes me want to bust out the red pen (quiet down in the peanut gallery yes I know mine is not stellar either) , I’m a little concerned shall we say about entrusting my kids with a babysitter that has such a penchant for “gurl” fights. (kind of reminds me of the time I received a resume for a job with an email but I digress)
    In this age of free emails could she not create a better email for “business” correspondence. I’m just sayin…
    Oh and lets not even talk about how the 3rd thing she wants to do with my kids is “bathe” them. Ok, ok, I’m sure she meant it harmlessly enough,but yeah,probably could have omitted that little tidbit and just indicated she was willing if the request was made once she’d hooked up with an interested party. But I’m nitpicking.
    I’m over analyzing. I’m overreacting….what the hell am I thinking…

    I mean, geez, it’s only my children I’d be entrusting to Ms.Ready-to-Throwdown.

    Yes, definitely overreacting…

    Monday, February 4, 2008

    Remember that gal, WM ? Yeah her, didn't she used to blog back in the day?

    I've been jokingly referring to myself as the "former blogger" lately.

    Why ?

    Because although it's only been a little over a week since we were last together I feel as if I can barely manage to formulate a cohesive post. Right now quite frankly it feels like a chore.

    I never evah thought I'd feel that way.

    I'm just as content to slide under the radar right now and read about the fabulousness of other bloggers lives and put blogging about my own on hold. That said, I'm certainly not deserving of this fabulosity, bestowed upon me by my girl Alex.
    In a word, Alex rawks. She's not afraid to touch upon that which may be considered controversial, she's not afraid to laugh at herself and has the best "lessons learned" at the end of her posts. So thank you,A. You know I dig you right back. And so that I might feel somewhat deserving of this award, I must make excuses explain why I've been absent and may continue to be over the next two weeks.

    Without any further adieu, I give you my life in bullet points aka why I'm not blogging right now

  • Incredibly busy at work. End of January was hellacious. Boss now on vacation for the next 2 weeks. Trying to play acting director in her absence.

  • Incredibly burnt out. Despising work. Desperately fighting the urge to quit, cash out my retirement account and start my own business. Contemplate writing book about fantabulous idea. "How to sit on one's arse and simultaneously make money"

  • Oldest stepdaughter,TomGirl turning in to rebellious teen. Skipping school,lying and visiting taboo websites

  • Increasingly busy 4 1/2 year olds with tons of preschool activities

  • Trying to plan a family vacation to escape the madness, obsessing over everything. Is this the best hotel? is this the best time to go? Am I getting the right rate ? and in the end deciding nothing.

  • I'm sure there is more. There is always more. But thanks for hanging in there with me