Monday, April 26, 2010

It was sloppy, wet and I only kind of liked it

On the way in to work this morning I heard it was National Remember Your First Kiss Day (aside- is it just me or is there a national everything day? In fact I think yesterday was National Watch Paint Dry Day)


It took me back, way back. To 8th grade.

His name was Ben and he was so cute. We had seventh period together and flirted like mad but neither of us ever had the guts to pull the trigger.

One day as I sat at home lusting after dreaming about Ben I decided I'd write him a note. Instead of straight out confessing my feelings I wrote the beginning of a story that mirrored our situation and asked that he complete the rest and then give it back to my sister during fifth period. I remember adding several "ha, ha, ha, has" after my part of the story. I called it my protection. Protection in the event that he looked at the note , laughed his ass off then gagged at the thought of an "us".

As luck would have it , I didn't need the protection. He ended the story with the man professing his love to the woman and the P.S. and I quote " are you going to the 8th grade dance if this means what I think it means then HOT DAMN"

I was over the moon. In seventh period , after exchanging several winks and goo goo eyes we made arrangements to walk home together.

My pulse quickened and my pupils turned to hearts as I daydreamed that whole class away.

Before I knew it it was time to go.

And it was everything I anticipated. Holding Ben's hand was magical. I felt on top of the world. But then we'd gotten to his house too quickly. I didn't want the afternoon to end. So we decided to walk to my house.

Once at my house I introduced him to my stepmother and showed him around and then he told me he needed to get back home.

It was at that moment that I officially got nervous. I knew there was going to be a kiss. I knew other people in my class that had actually french kissed before. But I wasn't one of them.
Ben was my first "real boyfriend" and holding hands that day was as far as I had gotten. Hell, I was only 12 years old (for those of you doing the math, I started kindergarten at age 4).

Sweating, I walked him out and headed down the sidewalk.

I told him I'd walk him halfway, in an effort to stall.

We took a shortcut he knew and we were behind several houses when I knew I couldn't stall any longer.

As we said our goodbyes I secretly wondered if I could get away with a peck. I quickly found out that wasn't to be.

He leaned in and put his arms around me. I closed my eyes and put my arms around him. Our lips touched. Then, there it was. His tongue poking at my lips.
I had less than a second to decide my course of action. I wasn't completely stupid. I'd watched R movies. I figured the best thing to do was open my mouth.

Only I didn't know what to do with my tongue.

So I clumsily circled his tongue, and felt his drool down the side of my mouth.

Then it was over.

And I was glad.

I opened my eyes and smiled at him.

We hugged and then went our seperate ways. Once I was sure he was gone I wiped the side of my mouth and ran. I don't know why I ran at that moment. It just felt like the right thing to do.

When I got home I told my twin sister what I'd just done and how I felt about it. We laughed and laughed.

Our relationship ended with a tragic breakup a few days later at the 8th grade dance. The break-up had nothing to do with the kiss and my desire to never do it again. It had more to do with peer pressure. And the fact that I was beginning to explore the new wave lifestyle and Ben was a jock. I let my friends convince me he wasn't the one.
What can I say I was 12.

And that my friends, is the story of my first kiss.

Epilogue: In Ben's defense, I don't think he was a bad kisser. We were kids. Very inexperienced kids. Freshman year, he begin dating a Sophomore field hockey player. They dated all throughout high school and college and are now married with children. As for Ben and I. We're friends now. On Facebook.

Sunday, April 18, 2010

The Good, the Bad and the Ugly

I took a painkiller moments ago so be prepared for this post to go downhill. Quickly.

The surgery went well from what I'm told. And two days post... I'm. Well I think I'm alright.

The morning of surgery was just odd. It was all very surreal and I felt like I was on the set of {insert popular medical drama here.I'm not up on my medi-dramas anymore. Ahem}.

The hospital staff was really wonderful, but as they poked and prodded all I wanted to do for some reason was make inappropriate jokes. When I was asked to remove my clothes I had to have a serious discussion with myself so I didn't ask them to make sure the doctor didn't molest me while I was out. In my head it kinda sounded funny. I know. Not funny right? I blame the drugs and the nerves.

The last thing I remember prior to surgery was my very lovely anesthesiology nurse asking me to breathe deeply into the oxygen mask, the stinging sensation in my IV that she'd assured me the sleepy bye bye drug would cause and the words "Goodnight, Stacey".

The next thing I recall was me asking somebody if I'd just come from work, them telling me no, and then my husband's gentle touch on my cheek.

I was in recovery. And higher than I imagine any one has ever been in the history of man. Apparently I'd told someone my pain level was high and so they gave me Fentanyl. I never ever want that shit again. I felt out of control and I just wanted to feel like me.

But they were pushing me to get dressed and get out (in the hospital's defense I was adamant that I didn't want to stay overnight). I remember telling the hubby he was going to have to help me walk out because I just knew my legs would have betrayed me had I tried to stand on them (thank goodness for wheelchairs).
We made it home around 11:00 a.m. and my bed and I have been good friends over the last several days. It's been weird, but kind of nice, but mostly weird.

I had a lot more to say, I think. But I think you get the gist...
So I shall say goodbye and thanks to y'all for your well wishes and offers to cuddle and make out when I'm better.
So you can be here with me in spirit I give you me in pictures Pretty right?
I know I'm a good friend.