Monday night while in the store my son B asked for a toy. I allowed him one toy but instead he picked out two.
"Only one toy, Honey" I said
"The other one is for Uncle Clarence"
"Uncle Clarence ?" I questioned secretly knowing who he was referring to but wanting confirmation.
"Yes, he's in my heart."
I then knew for sure who he was talking about. He was talking about his grandfather, my dad.
My children weren't able to meet their grandfather. When they inquired about him several months ago my mom explained that Grandpa was no longer with us every day but that he'd always be in our hearts.
And thats how they know him. Because sadly he was unable to meet my babies. My father passed away suddenly and unexpectedly in 1999.
It was the single most devastating event that has ever happened to me.
I miss him. I miss him terribly.
He was the kind of dad that left work and drove across town to bring me lunch at school because I'd forgotten to ask my mom to pack my Friday lunch and he knew that I despised Friday pizza days at school.
He was the kind of dad that took his daughters to see spectacular Christmas light displays and when one particularly fancy display wasn't turned on he went up to the home and knocked on the door. To this day, I don't know what he said to the homeowners but not only did they turn on the lights for my sisters and I they came out and wished us a "Merry Christmas" and offered us freshly baked chocolate chip cookies.
He was charming and brilliant and funny and I idolized him.
Last night my dad was in my dream. I remembered very little about it this morning, but I remember my dream took place in present day and he was there talking to my sister and I. I've lately had several similiar dreams in which life is as it is now only my dad is there and it always seems normal.
Until I wake up and remember.
My recent dreams coupled with B bringing his Grandpa up out of the blue tells me that he's here. He's here and he wants us to know he's here and I can only assume he's looking out for us.
And for that Daddy, I thank you.
I thank you , I love you and I miss you. I hope you're proud of what you see.