Tuesday, July 31, 2007

Can somebody please remove the vise clamp from my uterus

I came to work today with a spring in my step because in reality I didn't look half bad. I'd dressed up a little more today than I normally would complete with a sassy black and white skirt, and Liz Claiborne heels. A little chestnut lip liner and Oh Baby Lip Glass completed the package and well... you know I was kinda rockin' the hip fashionista business woman look today.

I spent the first several hours of the day in a meeting. Although it was long, it culminated in a trip to the Cheescake Factory so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I chitchatted easily with the two women as I shoved Pasta Da Vinci in my face (Clue # 1: carb cravings)
Things were going generally well today. Nothing like the past several days which had been exhausting.

Good sign, I thought. Now I'll head back to my office and get several things done and leave satisfied and fulfilled.

Cue record scratching sound

Somehow once I stepped foot back in to my building I hated everyone.

When my co-worker came to me asking for assistance I condescendingly said "Well I can help if you really think you need it"

When my boss came and asked me if I had a second I said "I guess so" and tuned her out mid sentence.

And just now I received an email from the CFO asking for some reports. Oh and did I mention he needs them tomorrow and its after the time I normally leave. I quickly shut down email ignoring it and when I heard his voice outside my door I quickly shut it so as to not be accosted and asked to put my home life on hold to finish his report.

After I closed my door, I thought , that was rather rude of me. I might be fiesty but I'm generally accomodating in the workplace.

And then they hit. The cramps that I'd compare to someone putting my uterus in a vise and tightening the clamp and releasing , tightening it and releasing it, tightening and...well you get the point.

In the craziness that is life, I completely forgot that July is ending and August is approaching. So that means I will soon be visited by Aunt Flo, that whore. Man she's one gal I'd beat the tar out of if I could.

Now, if you'll excuse me, I must go OD on Midol.

13 comments:

Butrfly4404 said...

Ouch. Sorry dear. I take my ring out on a Wednesday, (sorry, mine is chemical, I know EXACTLY when it's coming...okay, not always) and the Saturday before I'm always an unholy bitch. Our big blow-out fights are ALWAYS on that day. I will be spending sun up to sundown the next day alone with the man. Seven hours of it in the car.

I've warned him.

(hope you feel better!)

Ba Doozie said...

well if midol fails, go ahead and manufactor some crack in the employee restroom and blame it on red and tan, non h and washing woman, then run for you life... this message is brought to you by "the woman who makes no sense because she is senseless"

Brillig said...

Ohhhh, yikes! Do NOT mess with WM today...

Whiskeymarie said...

I hope you removed all sharp objects from the room...

Chaos Control said...

Ahhh, I've been there. But at least you were lookin' mightly sassy when the uninvited guest (Aunt Flo) decided to announce her visit, eh?

Jennifer aka Binky Bitch said...

I hope today is better!

a happier girl said...

Boy, when you said you got to eat at the Cheesecake Factory I didn't see how your day could go wrong. They have the best brown bread. I love that stuff. Hope the Midol helps. And if it doesn't, get some chocolate and curl up in bed with the television remote. That always makes me feel better.

Ann(ie) said...

BEEN THERE....very recently! Let's meet at Cheesecake Factory when it strikes again for some highly caloric snacks and stiff drinks!!

Lollie said...

I have a black eye, scraped knuckles and a large gash on my left cheek, but you should see the other guy. And by other guy, I mean Aunt Flo. She and I had it out today at about 1:30.

Worker Mommy said...

Lollie, glad you whipped her ass for me , thanks!

Rebecca said...

hee hee...you have permission to be a complete dragon...

MommasWorld said...

I completly understand. We have all been there.

I usually forget about Aunt Flo until I almost hear her foot steps. Working in a pretty much all Male environment has it’s disadvantages. A few times I have heard the foot steps of Aunt Flo approaching and made a mad dash out of my office towards the ladies room. Once I had run into a Male co-worker wanting to discuss something that will “only take a minute” I say “I will be back in just a minute”. The Man says “It will only take a minute, I promise.” After a few bouts of this back and forth I finally give in and say “it is a bathroom emergency”…no change. Then I say “It is a F e m a l e bathroom emergency” Ah ha! The look of complete understanding and I think some fright comes over his face. He has never stopped me again when I say “I will be back in a minute.”

Maureen said...

Oh, I can relate. I only wish they had Cheesecake Factories up here in Canada!