Tuesday, April 24, 2007

Feelin a little Guilty - The Confession

Yesterday, I took a "mental health day" from work. I simply called in sick and spent a sun shiny day at home with the kids doing nothing but playing and laughing and just enjoying them (I wish I could turn that job in to a full time gig).

You'd think that I would have come in to work rejuvenated. But no. I'm feeling kind of surly today. Mainly, because I'm here at work. I enjoy what I do (and the company I do it for) but generally I don't enjoy the fact that I have to work.

I hit this point at some time each year. I just get burnt out. I get tired.
I constantly dream about winning the lottery and having the luxury of choosing whether or not I get up each day and face the grind.

In the past when this has happened, I'd go home each night and vent to hubby. "Oh no" he'd say fearing I might just up and quit but as I am a little over one month shy of my five year anniversary with this company they must be doing something right to prevent me from running for the hills. I guess there are some perks that I haven't had at other jobs. Its a small, fairly laid back company . My boss, with whom I get along very well, has a toddler only one year younger than the twins so she gets it . I make a decent salary, I have my own office so I can blog and not get caught which is truly what its all about and have a fair amount of schedule flexibility.

So why am I feeling this way ?

Because time flies and I don't want to miss a thing. The twins are soon to be four and next year they will start kindergarten. TomGirl already has a "boyfriend" (well sort of - she's not allowed to go out on dates yet but they've established that they like one another, he's given her a bracelet and they talk on the phone constantly). She's 14 now and pretty soon she'll be driving, going out on dates and everything else that goes along with being a teenager. GPT is a talented singer and wants to try out for American Idol in a couple of years. Being a part of these things is the way I want to spend my time. Not behind a desk.

I try and capitalize on the moments I do have and maximize the "free time" I get but sometimes two days just doesn't cut it! I mean when do I get to catch a break?

Sometimes in life we just need to make our own breaks. So I took an impromptu day off and lied about why I wasn't coming in to the office and dammit I will not feel guilty about it !!!

Ok, there I got it all out.

It felt good to confess - but now I'm worried.

Could the wrong internet search by an employee of my company lead them to my blog and cause me to wind up like this?

Gah, I really can't catch a break can I?

4 comments:

Lene said...

I am a SAHM right now, but I keep thinking that I need to get back to work. At times I think I would be a better mom to my boys if I were a working mom.

We all need to have time to ourselves.
http://mommybrainvictim.wordpress.com

Butrfly4404 said...

I so get you! Hahaha...work is what reminds me to CHECK my lotto tickets.

Like you, I don't even really hate my job. As far as the Jobs go, I got a decent one, anyone.

I just feel like I'm wasting my life, particularly in my car (TWO mf'ing hours a day - how long do you commute?)

I get it worse this time of year, too (also: depression, yay!), I think it's because it's so nice out now! ;)

I'm trying to save my sick days so I can do exactly what you did. Last year, we all called in sick and took the kids fishing. One of the best days ever - and I hate fishing!

I wouldn't feel guilty about it. ALl your coworkers lie and take days off all the time!

Brillig said...

I think "mental health day" is accurate! haha. And say goodbye to the guilt. Guilt is what we moms do best, isn't it?

I love the part of your post that you "crossed out." Hahaha

Worker Mommy said...

You know Lene, I think the grass is always greener...as the saying goes.
Perfect world I'd work part time - never any more than 20 hrs week )and thats pushing it).

Butrfly- I spend about the same amount of time in my commute. Its a little over an hour with rush hour traffic. I think thats what's most frustrating for me!