Monday, March 30, 2009

Look Mom, Barbie sprained her Crotch

I never know what new and "creative" words I'll hear out of the mouths of my 5 year olds. Now that they're in "real" school and exposed to older kids I'm hearing it all. This weekend, that word was: crotch.

And while crotch is not a bad word and in fact is much better then some other words they could be saying, I have to tell them that it's not really appropriate to just throw the word around because mommy doesn't need parents, teachers and others who don't understand kids can pick up things anywhere judging her parenting .

Like on Friday afternoon when my son was playing on the little neighbor kid's scooter and fell. When I called to him to make sure he was ok.
He said simply:

"Yeah mom, but I think I broke my crotch".

Biting my lip, I made sure he was really ok and then had to launch into an explanation of how he probably shouldn't say crotch so loud and added that frankly I don't really think crotches break. But dammit if I didn't want to laugh. Hell, my son was laughing. Why couldn't I laugh ? But we averted the crotch crisis.

That time.

But then there was Saturday. As we prepared to head out, my daughter busily played with her Barbies at the sink next to me while I finished putting on my make-up.

"Mom," she said "This is my new Barbie and this is her sister" she said showing me the two Barbies that had been keeping her busy.

"Cool," I said

J went on to tell me about how Barbie now needed to get to work and she was running late. I learned that Barbie worked at a very nice place where all they did was have lunch and then take naps.

I asked my daughter if I could fill out an application.

"What's an application?" J asked

"Well, it's a paper that you fill out with information about yourself so people will hopefully hire you" I answered

"Oh" she said "Well she can't take applications now because she sprained her crotch"

"She did?" I say in utter surprise

"Yeah and she can't walk"

"Oh?" I questioned curiously

"Yeah" J continued "you just keep your legs closed for about 11 weeks and then it's fixed" she says authoritatively

It was then that I took a real look at the cheerleader Barbie that J had been playing with. With her oddly flexible ,posable body it was entirely possible that she could look, to my 5 year old, like she had a sprained crotch.

So I decided not to correct my daughter.

Besides I was highly amused

Crotch Crisis - 1
Mom - 0


mo.stoneskin said...

I just sprained my crotch laughing.

Elisa said...

Wraths, I think our Barbies have sprained crotches too! Should we get refunds?

Dumblond said...

At least crotch is not too bad. Right now I'm trying to get my son to stop saying "hump" all the time. And I mean all the time! Any two things that are too close together, he says they are humping.

MichaƩle said...

Yikes, my parts are puckering just thinking how bad a crotch sprain hurts.

Jerseygirl89 said...

As someone with a three year old who says "Shit!" all the time, I think this crotch thing is awesome.

Not Afraid to Use It said...

This post is hilarious. Of course, the leap for me was wondering exactly what kind of interview was Barbie going on that required her to use her crotch efficiently? I don't think I want to know.

Whiskeymarie said...

Even though I actually hurt my crotchal region not too long ago, I still think "crotch" is funny for all ages. Crotch, crotch, crotch.

You're lucky I don't live closer- your kids would be saying all sorts of inappropriate things...

Virtualsprite said...

Ah, yes. My four-year-old is going through a "fart" phase. I'm anticipating the "crotch" phase to start soon.

Anonymous said...

My 10 year-old son has taken to calling his crotch his "weiner." And this coming from the family where the anatomical terms were always used. He says it's better than talking about his "nuts," and I really couldn't argue with that.

EdenSky said...

LOL, nice story. I also have a 5 year old with many crotch impaired Barbies. She's more concerned about Ken though. "Where is his penis? This is not right!" Nice, Honey. Now put your doll's clothes back on and say thank you to Grandma for the birthday present.

Alex Elliot said...

That is hilarious! And a good line too...hmmm I'll have to remember to use that the next time I need to get out of something.

Anna See said...

Oh come on, haven't you sprained your crotch before? :)

Great Post!