Monday, June 2, 2008

Well maybe this won't win me any parenting awards, but...

The work is still piled high but I missed you and,well, there has been quite a bit going on in my neck of the woods.

That said, I'll keep it brief because sadly not one of my co-workers understands the meaning of a closed door.

Now then, a couple of weeks back I'd taken the twins to their five year check up. They were a bit "up in arms" about being there because I'd forewarned them about the one shot that they would need. But they were generally ok during the multitude of tests, poking and proding from the office staff.

Until it came to the vision test. For my son.

He claimed he couldn't see the bottom line. A couple of things ran through my head at the moment the nurse asked him again if he could read the last line. 1) He's over this damn doctors appointment and wants desperately to leave and thus has put you on ignore
or 2) He hasn't mastered every single alphabet letter visually and may not recognize what you're showing him.
So I chose not to worry about it too much at that point. When the physician came in I mentioned both of these things and he simply said "perhaps, but I'd like to have him seen by a pediatric optometrist to be on the safe side".
Again, it didn't occur to me to worry as I hadn't had any other indications that my son B, couldn't see well.
But I made an appointment with a pediatric optometrist for the following week. And after spending about 2 hours with the incredibly skilled and patient staff at the optometrist's office I was told he would indeed need glasses as he has astigmatism .

Dammit, I thought, out of all the things I wanted to pass down to my child that certainly wasn't one of them.

I almost teared up when she gave me the verdict, now mind you I was particularly hormonal that day, but it still saddened me that my little baby would have to get glasses at age 5. In fact it more then saddened me.

What I couldn't figure out was why. I mean it was only glasses for freaks sake. Hell, I've had some kind of corrective lens since the age of 14 and it's not the worst thing in the world.
But for some reason even as we tried on frames and B sported the cutest little Adidas specs, I was still inwardly upset while outwardly trying to make picking glasses the most exciting thing ever.

Just what was my problem?

And then it occured to me, I'm worried about my son being teased. I would do anything not to have him subjected to that type of cruelty.

So I thought and I thought, about just what I could do to make this situation right. I mean, as his mom and his protector I had to do something.

And then... Eureka, I got it !!!

I shall teach my son to fight back with his words.

Here's how, I envision it going in my mind:

Punk Kid: Hey, four eyes
My sweet son, B: Are you talking to me ?
Punk Kid: yeah you, nice glasses, dork
My sweet son, B: I know you're trying to get to me but I like my glasses. They are helping me see clearly.
However, now that I can see everything, I'm seeing for the first time how ass ugly you really are...(walks away and flips him the bird)

What too much ?

14 comments:

Ann(ie) said...

I love it. I will be teaching my little Ben the same thing one day. B/T his dad and I he's destined for glasses and it breaks my heart to think he'll be teased. I have zero problem teaching him so badass buzz words one day. ;)

Suze's Sass said...

You took the words right out of my mouth :)

Maureen said...

Hah! I hope he's not teased... why not Google a bunch of famous people wearing glasses and show him they are very cool...

(from a mom with astigmatism, with a daughter who had glasses, then contacts and now braces. They get thru it).

Sornie said...

He's not alone with his astigmatism. I have the same problem which I inherited from both of my parents. I was cursed from day one.

CDP said...

I love it!
My older one started wearing glasses at age 4, and it has inspired envy among his classmates (he's now finishing first grade). More than one parent has told me that their son has asked for glasses since they dig his so much. Not sure how well that will hold up in middle school, but for now it's going to be a social advantage for him.

Groovy Mom said...

LOL! Perfect!

I always wanted glasses when I was a kid, so much so that my parents thought I was faking it when I told them I couldn't see, and I endured at least two years of blindness before they took me seriously enough to go get my eyes checked. It was like a brand new world.

I was teased for a lot of things, but never glasses. I'm betting it won't even be an issue. (But I'm almost hoping it is because I'm getting a kick out of imagining your boy and that comeback line!)

Lollie said...

No way - not too much! I love it. Dreaming of inner and future outer dialogue really does it for me.

And ayways, glasses are sexy - wait until he's older...glasses will really work for the smart girl set. This'll get him hooked up with one of the good ones.

And, yes, I am sad you won't be here for the shower too, but it doesn't mean that the invite is off. You are welcome for some beachy downtime, anytime!

Due on or around the 7th of Aug (gah! 60 freakin' days!!!).

Freak Magnet said...

I love it! "Ass ugly" should fit the bill! ((hugs))

Virtualsprite said...

Perfect! I have a feeling I will need this because I got a note home the other day that the Ubergoober failed his preschool vision screening.

Queen of the Mayhem said...

That's not too much...having him say how "f'ing ugly you are".....THAT WOULD BE TOO MUCH! :)

If he's anything like his momma....I am sure he can fin for himself! :)

Elisa said...

That's a good course of action! With a few slight edits it will be perfect ;-)

But seriously, I understand your concern. I have had glasses since the age of 7, but I didn't really get teasted because of the glasses - they were just a bit of a pain in the ass at the beach and during PE.

Jane @ Kidzarama said...

Well, it's better than getting detention for fighting.

Although our school doesn't have "detention" anymore. They call it "The Reflection Room".

Gimme a break!

Mommy said...

ha ha.

That is just like the time this person met me and said, "Oh, you sound thinner on the radio" and I said, "Really? You sounded cuter when Rick described you."

Or the time I was singing along to the jukebox at FLAMEBURGER at 2:30am, drunk and to the Eagles, and a girl drops a dollar on the table and tells me its for singing lessons - I said, "Thanks, why don't you keep it for Weight Watchers."

I am not kind when people try to tease me. I have rapier(sp?) wit at those moments, THANK GOODNESS, and am very evil. ;)

Iheartfashion said...

No, just right.