Friday, June 13, 2008


With gas now requiring a 2nd mortgage, I've begun taking the train to work religiously. In doing so, I've found that I really prefer it to driving or taking the bus.

I typically come in to work a bit more relaxed having used the ride to indulge in a little trashy novel reading. Comprised of professionals commuting to work, the train is much quicker than the alternative bus that stops at every third block and drives on the heavily trafficked freeways I'm trying to avoid. Plus, I'm no longer subjected to the obnoxious bus riding teens that want to ensure each passenger knows they can use the word fuck in every sentence , or smelly undesirables that have no knowledge they reek when sitting as close to me as possible.

That said, recently I've started to become disenchanted with the train. Particularly in the afternoon. When everyone on the train gets on their cell phones immediately upon taking a seat.
Granted, I understand the need to check in with family after work but that's not what I'm hearing. I'm hearing long drawn out conversations to switch insurance policies, then a subsequent call to significant other to let him know you've done so, then an argument with significant other because he did not want you to switch without consulting him.

Why, just the other day I had the pleasure of sitting across from a lady with a hideous cow print patent leather coat as she discussed her evening plans. "Well I was thinking of picking up a cake and bringing it to him along with a little sump'n sump'n. Then I have to head home and then take a shower and then..."

"LADY," I'm screaming inside my head "WHO FREAKIN CARES , besides if you didn't get the memo, it's no longer cool to say 'a little sump'n sump'n' or any variation of that phrase"

Oh and my personal fave, the exceptionally LOUD mom that was having a discussion with another mom about some neighborhood girl that comes to her house and eats everything. "I mean chips or pop is one thing but she's always in my pantry and its non stop" she bellowed.
When Loud Mom finally ended her call I was relieved , until she felt the need to relay the whole conversation to the passenger across from her. "Drama Mom" she said shaking her head in disbelief. "Soooo ridiculous", she exclaimed!

Her !?, I thought. How about you you ? You are louder than any human is supposed to be and you fail to realize that the rest of us just aren't interested.

Now don't get me wrong, I've taken a brief call on the train before. The key word being brief and even in urgent situations that required a bit more conversation I've lowered my voice.

What is it about the afternoon train that makes everyone turn in to those same obnoxious teenagers I stopped taking the bus to avoid ?

I just don't get it. It's incredibly frustrating!

Short of bitch slapping someone, though, I guess I have to deal with it as I can't think of any commuting alternatives.

But it is getting worse as the ridership increases.

I've actually eyed my kids scooters.

Don't laugh, it could be done. I swear if I have to hear one more time how you sent your outfit to the drycleaners 3 times and they still couldn't get the red wine stain out I'm headed there.

So if you see a little 5' 2" woman on a pink radio flyer scooter headed down I-5 don't laugh. Simply beep and wave and know that I finally reached my breaking point.


Now then, Happy Father's Day to all the Dad's out there and all that good stuff.



Alex Elliot said...

If you can ride a scooter a whole block you have admiration. I tried to use my son's and I almost broke my ankle!

I know my dad got frustrated with people on the "L" in Chicago. Once he took off his shoe and pretended it was a phone and had a loud conversation with it. Apparently people were so surprised, they ended their phone calls. What about an iPod?

A Buns Life said...

Sounds like you should take some of the $$ you have saved on gas and get an iPod! Block all those people out with some good tunes or books on "tape". :)

Groovy Mom said...

Saving money on gas is a good thing, though, yes? Hey, do you ever see my hubby on the train? He would have mentioned it if he'd seen you. I'll tell him to look for you.

Ann(ie) said...

YEEEEEEEEAAAAAH....I'm thinking a buns life is onto something! Grab your ipod, blast it and tune the bitches out. That would drive me INSANE!! I thank God for my carpool buddy and our cush set up on a daily basis. I experience many fun years on the bus and therefore got the pleasure of overhearing many conversations I could give two shits about. If Amy and I see you zooming down I-5 on your scooter we'll pull over and toss you in the car. :) Oh and I just emailed you back....I lurve the way you think. I'm gonna need to go clothes shopping, too. *ahem*
xo. Happy Weekend!

Worker Mommy said...

GM - I've never seen GD but if I do I'm going to make sure we have an extremely loud conversation about crazy shit that no one else cares about so I can pay some of the others back for what they've subjected me too.

Got your email Ann. Can't wait!

Anonymous said...

I once rode the train from PA to New York and the woman next to me talked on her phone the whole time. It's like she just couldn't enjoy the quiet for even two minutes. As soon as she was done one call, she called someone else to talk about total nonsense. UGH!

Not Afraid to Use It said...

Excellent post! Add restaurants and grocery lines to the list. LOL I know I am guilty sometimes, but I am def becoming more conscientious. Hell, my kids won't give me enough time to talk on the phone, so I don't even bother.

doozie said...

please do not bitch slap anyone. there was a recent memo that requires you to say "pimp slap". there was also a memo that said you have not done your TPS reports this week?

Elisa said...

I agree with a buns life, get an ipod, put on some nice but not distracting music (Coldplay always does the trick for me) so you can read and block out all the undesirables :-)

odat_kim said...

In Toronto some trains have silent cars, maybe you should consider making a recommendation of the same to your transit system?

Queen of the Mayhem said...

There is JUST no accounting for manners these days!

Sump'n Sump'n.....hee-hee

I DARE you to get on the phone and talk about your husband's "junk"....just to see the reaction! GOOD TIMES! :)

slackermommy said...

Ugh! That would drive me crazy. It may be time to plug your ears with an ipod. Make sure you turn the volume up enough so everyone sitting near you can hear it. That'll show 'em!

CDP said...

I can't stand that, and I also can't stand for anyone to overhear my conversations, which is why I stay off the phone in public. If I do have to make or take a call, it's as quick and quiet as possible. My favorite is the people where I work, who go into the (shared) kitchen and stand in the corner talking on their cell phones, then they turn and glare at you for being in the room when they're trying to have a private conversation. I could seriously get rid of my cell phone and not miss it. Much.

Whiskeymarie said...

I know this makes me sound OLD, but I so miss the pre-cell days. I vaguely remember getting along without them just fine, and now it seems like so many people can't have even ONE TINY THOUGHT that can't go unbroadcasted to 3-4 people via cell.

Mommy said...

The conversations that I hear are things that are better said in the dark spaces of one's own home.

In the past six months I have heard 5 twenty-something girls either scream at their mother's on the phone ---telling them they are no longer going to be co-dependant and they want an APOLOGY!!!! or ranting to their friends about how sucky everyone in their family is -- usually Mom gets the worst of it.

I PRAY that is not my baby in 20 years....

Chin up!