Monday, February 23, 2009

Ahh, the joy of teenagers...

We had an extra teen at casa de WM this past weekend.

As much as I tried to avoid it like the plague, we'd promised my 14 year old stepdaughter, GT that she could have her best friend,Cady over if she improved her grades.

I was initially reluctant because my stepdaughters live about an hour and a half away and if this girl turned out to be demon spawn much like I knew she would because all teenagers are it wasn't like we could just have her walk home or have her parents come get her. We were stuck with her. For.the.weekend.

Don't get me wrong, I love my stepdaughters. But they are at that teenagery point in their life where lets just say they can grate your nerves like finely shredded cheese. That being the case I certainly didn't want to add one more to the mix.

Besides my oldest stepdaughter,TomGirl was pretty vocal about not wanting Cady to come over. She's made no secret about the fact that she didn't care for her.
When asked why, TomGirl informed us that the bff, Cady was a skank. Now if you know TomGirl that doesn't mean much. TomGirl is the kind of girl who's friend are mostly guys. As much as I don't get it, she has this aversion to friending her own gender.

Fortunately, Cady was really sweet, or at least was able to snow us in to thinking so. She got along well with the twins and in general was the kind of houseguest you want to have.

So when it was time to go, I gave my stepdaughters hugs and then reached out to hug Cady. (What can I say, I'm a hugger. Sometimes I dont stop and think whether or not it may freak someone out.) To my delight, Cady was receptive and hugged back and thanked me for allowing her over.

As we're having our love fest, I hear "Ewww, gross now you've got whore juice all over you"

It was TomGirl. and she didn't stop there. She went so far as to say "gross, whore germs"

Poor Cady tried to shrug it off and force a smile. I searched for something to say at that moment to cut the awkward silence.

"That was rude" I said to TomGirl and then to Cady jokingly "you have my permission to lay the smackdown"

Cady let out a nervous laugh while looking like she'd wanted to crawl under a rock.

I glared at the laughing TomGirl and told her she should apologize.

"Yeaahh, right" she said oozing with sarcasm as she headed for the door.

It was then that I heard my mom's voice in my head "I told you" she was saying whilst laughing maniacally.

Payback really is a bitch

Wednesday, February 18, 2009

File this under the category of: Is this really even remotely necessary?

***Warning overshare ahead. Read at your own risk *****

I'll never forget the first time I realized that boys could actually pee standing up. I was in awe and wanted to be able to do it myself. In fact I tried. I really did. After failing miserably, I gave up. I realized peeing standing up just wasn't to be.

Some gals didn't give up so easily

In all fairness to it's creator, this little contraption was originally created for women who couldn't sit for medical reasons.

But now the creator is targeting a larger market.

Active women.

I'm sorta inclined to give the creator some credit for trying to help out the ladies. But really, I have but just one letter. Y

Seriously, even on my worst day, even in the crowdedest of crowded places where there isn't a pot in sight, even if I'm falling down drunk I'm not going there.

I mean if I have to pee that bad, do I really even have the time to pull out this contraption, place it correctly and then go? Doubtful.

So thanks but uh I'll pass.

Friday, February 13, 2009

You know you're a Redneck family when...

One of the bloggers I've come to love, adore and continually laugh my ass off with is Tanis of Redneck Mommy fame.

I've followed Tanis' journey to adopt a child with special needs for some time and was positvely oozing with joy (get your mind out of the gutter) when she recently announced that after a looong crazy adventure she'd gotten the call she'd waited for. They'd found a five year old boy needing a "forever home".

Upon learning the news, I commented on her site, "I've never been happier for someone I don't actually know" (which was actually quite funny to admit. Because seriously the blogosphere makes me feel like I know people that I totally don't - because I've, uh, read the intimate details of their lives on the interwebs every day).

Ahem, but on to matters at hand. These saucy ladies are throwing la redneck a huge shower and well I reckon' I'd like to participate.

My challenge: to write a post with the theme "You know you're a Redneck Mommy (or Daddy ) when"

With that, I give you three (previously written) posts, that while not written to illustrate mine (and my family's) penchant for all that is rednecky, after reading I'm convinced that they do.

My hubby and son pee outside

Horses sleeping overnight in my yard in suburbia

My hubby keeps junky cars at our house (ok yeah I know they are supposed to be in the yard on blocks...but whatevs)

So there you have it: my contribution to the The Great Rootin' Tootin' Shootin' Redneck Shower!

Congrats and much love to Tanis and her family.

Monday, February 9, 2009

Just call me WM, crimefighter...or better yet Super WM

While the rest of you were comfortably at home or at work , I WM was out making the world a safer place. You can thank me later

What I thought would be a routine trip to the shoe store turned out to be so much more.

Last Friday I was at Footlocker being assisted by the nicest sales clerk who was really dedicated to helping me find the right shoes for my sucky feet.

As I walked around the store testing out a pair of shoes, dude walks in.

He headed towards the sales clerk, who had momentarily stepped away to answer the phone, and asked for a five for five ones. The sales clerk handed him the five ones. Dude then dug in to his pocket coming out with more ones and the five ones he'd gotten and says "You know what, I can't stand carrying around all these ones can you give me a 20 for all this".

In an instant I flashedback to 14 year old WM, working her first job at a fast food drive thru. My customer bought a small drink handed me a 10 and upon giving him change he handed it back and asked if he could have his change dispersed differently. It all happened so fast. It seemed legit but when my supervisor later counted out my drawer it turned out I'd had a major shortage that while they didn't fire me , they did take out of my check. And at 4.85 an hour - That.really.hurt.

Cut back to present time:

I quickly moved in to action heading up to the register, interrupting the transaction and asked to see another shoe.

Dude looked at me but said nothing. He stood there for a few moments, most likely waiting to see if he could complete his scam but being the true hero I am I busied the salesclerk with my needs , making such important statements like "you guys must get really busy this time of day" and "sometimes guys tennis shoes are cooler then womens"

Seconds later dude left frustrated and defeated.

I on the other hand, felt all kinds of good about myself. I had successfully foiled a short change scam

I'll take my cape in a size medium please.

Oh and you're welcome.

Wednesday, February 4, 2009

Oh Chubs, how you haunt me

I was small throughout my childhood all the way until my early 30s. Then I had kids and its been a constant struggle.

Wait a minute let me back up. This is not baby weight. My kids are almost 6. It's me. It's lbs packed on by my own doing because I am a stress eater. There I said it.

I've announced it to the world and there is no going back. I am constantly haunted by the chubs. In my mind I still think I am that slimmer healthier girl but the mirror tells me different.

I don't love the mirror like I once did. I used to be a clotheshorse. I don't love to shop like I once did. I used to manage my stress better. Now I don't manage it well at all.

But I'm trying. With this post,I've officially announced it. I am chubby.

And I don't want to be. But I know that I can change. It is completely within my power.

I will no longer let the chubs haunt me.

I will take charge. I can control my destiny. Sure there will be struggles... but there will also be progress. I will do this.

You'll support me , right?