Complaint Desk: Complaint Desk, How may I help you?
Me: Yeah, Hi, um I have a complaint
CD:Yes ma’am how can we help ?
Me:Well, first off I had a horrible weekend, it all started when I said “not this weekend” to my stepdaughters younger brother coming to spend the weekend and my husband overrode me. He’s such a softie. All it takes is a couple of alligator tears from a six year old boy and he just rolls over. I mean c’mon. So that resulted in me having not one, not two but five kids this weekend between the ages of 4 – 14.
CD: Oooh that’s rough, but…
Me: You betcha, then to make matters worse my team got spanked in the playoffs. Their season is over. Now what will I do to tap in to my inner 25 year old male if I can’t drink beer, yell obscenities and get out all my pent up aggression during the games.
CD:Right , gotcha , hmmm, that is a tough one, but uh…
Me: The rest of my weekend was spent refereeing arguments between the 4 year olds and the 6 year old. The 6 year old and the 13 year old. The 13 year old and the 14 year old. Then when I finally got a moment to relax once the twins were in bed and hubby returned from taking 14,13 & 6 home we decided to order a movie. You ever heard of Vacancy ? No ? Well there is probably a reason for it. It sucked ass. Bad, bad, ending… So yeah, there was 86 minutes I'll never get back.
CD: But you did finally get to rest right ?
Me: Well sure but then I had to get up at o’dark thirty to get ready for work. Still suffering from “I didn’t-have-a-relaxing-weekend-itis” I hit snooze one to many times and was 1 hour late for work.
CD:Uhh ma’am are you quite finished ?
Me: No, no I was going to tell you about how because I was late I had to drive and use metered parking. When I went out to feed my meter just now the machine was broken so I wound up needing to move my car and when I finally found a parking space I got out,fed that meter and then promptly stepped in dogshit.
CD: Oooo, I didn’t see that coming.
Me: So what do I do now ?
CD: Uh, Ma’am, this is the complaint line for Acme Foods we can’t actually help you with those things here
Me: Oh , right yes, I knew that, well I did have a problem with my frozen lunch entrée…
CD: Ok, ma’am then we should talk about that
* And that folks is how off the deep end these last few days have driven me and I may or may not have been curled up in a ball rocking back in forth when I made this call.