Monday, September 8, 2008

For maximum entertainment stick close to home

I did very little this weekend.

It wasn't intentional. I had all kinds of plans. Movies, shopping, lunch out at a restaurant. Things of that nature. But those plans never came to fruition.

My plans went south Saturday, when a neighbor girl I'd seen only once before rode down from her cul de sac to ours and struck up a conversation. She was sweet and mentioned that she had a younger brother and sister that might like to play with the twins.

It was a beautiful day, the twins wanted to ride their bikes, I was ready for a short walk so I headed down with the kids to check out the neighbors. The mother Misty seemed quiet and mousy but incredibly nice so I engaged in polite conversation with her while B played with her 6 year old son and J played with her 5 year old daughter. She and I were both so pleased to see our sons playing so well together we continued to let them play for some time.

As time wore on the small talk had all but ceased so I asked if she'd be ok with me returning home and the kids continuing to play. I pointed to my house and indicated I was within eyesight. She was fine with that and I turned to leave.

That was until her hot-ass-twenty-something next door neighbor came outside to chat with her hubby. I found I no longer needed to drum up small talk; that I was quite content to just drool.

Why hadn't I ventured to this area of my neighborhood before?

I sat back down in their driveway pretending to be looking at the kids riding bikes but really positioning myself so I had an optimal view of Hawt Neighbor and found something to continue to talk to Misty about.

Hawtie McHawterson left after a bit and I successful picked my tongue up off the ground.

Turning to leave again, I heard Misty say "I'm suprised we're actually here today."

"Huh?" I inquired.

She then told me she actually had 5 kids. The four I'd seen and a 3 month old that was in the hospital.

"We're hopeful he'll come home soon" she said. He's had 3 surgeries for a heart defect."

Whoa I thought. How awful! They'd all seemed so together and complete until that point but I quickly found out this mother was not. And was heartbroken she didn't have her baby boy with her. It was sad, but the prognosis seemed good so I lamely offered support and wished her the best.

Transitioning the conversation back to small talk at that point would have been incredibly awkward so I decided I'd let her get back to cleaning her garage and let her know I'd be hanging out reading on my front porch when the kids were ready to come home.

On my short walk home I ran in to another little neighbor girl,Shauna, and her parents Tom & Trystan. Tom has three kids from a prior marriage and Shauna is Trystan's child from a prior relationship. Knowing the other three had gone to visit their mom I good-naturedly said "Wow it must be pretty quiet for you all what with only one this weekend"

"Yep" Trystan said with a sigh of relief "you wouldn't believe it"

She then launched in to stories about the kids and their emotional problems, including one's call to Child Protective Services (CPS) about only being given raw food and made to cook it herself on a lightbulb.
What tha?? This was a child I'd seen quite a bit. A child that had played with my kids quite a bit and seemed so... so...well... normal.
Trystan told me tales of the little girl peeing outside (she's 9), lying, and numerous back and forth calls to CPS between her and the kids "dysfunctional" mom.

I was suprised and shocked that I'd gotten all this information from one simple statement.

I headed home, my head spinning.

Right around this time I realized how much of the day had passed and was going to start dinner when TomGirl, my 15 year old, almost knocked me over heading outside to play basketball. Our other neighbors were having a BBQ and I noticed their son and some of his friends had gone outside to play basketball. Teenage boys. Boys that would probably take off their shirts.

"Since you'll be outside, TomGirl, do you mind keeping an eye on your little brother and sister" I asked

"Sure," she said

Even so, I put dinner on pause and plopped myself on the couch where I could look out the window and spy watch the teens play ball. B-ball quickly turned in to love connection as I saw cell phones being pulled out and numbers being keyed in. Damn, teenagers worked fast.

Minutes later, I went to go retrieve B & J after realizing their sister wouldn't actually be watching them.

As I headed to the neighbor's, they saw me coming and had plates full of food ready for me to take home. Amazing smelling food. I loaded everything up and headed back in for the day. Ecstatic I no longer had to cook, I went into the kitchen poured myself a glass of wine and thought back on the day.

Sexy neighbors, heartbreak, wayward kids, horny teenagers... Hell who needs to go anywhere. I've got a soap opera right in my very own backyard.


Elisa said...

wow, your neighborhood is so interesting! Can I move there? heck, we moved from Switzerland, what's one more move, right? I'll just tell dh "WM's neighbors are much more interesting, I want to live there" I'm sure he will be totally fine with that.

Naarski (the Mrs.) said...

See, this is why I want to move! Fun w/ neighbors instead of trees!

Virtualsprite said...

That is amazing. I can't believe all of that coming to light in the span of an afternoon. Wow. That's some neighborhood you live in.

Almost makes me want to have neighbors. The deer are not this exciting.