Thursday, November 1, 2007

The curse on Halloween...why that should be Illegal

Oh, the amount of chocolate I consumed last night. Frankly, I'm suprised it's not coming out of my pores this morning. Why surely if somebody cut me today I'd bleed brown. I think the KitKat and Reeses folks may send me a cut for increasing their stocks.
So it is for that reason, my rebelling belly and I feel we need to, yet again, write a letter to Aunt Flo and her band of hellacious hormone co-horts.

Dear Ms. "I think I'm funny":

How dare you pay me a visit on a holiday that revolves around chocolate and candy ? Are you trying to ruin me ? I've already had to buy an uh "garment" to keep the jiggling to a minimum but please don't forever mess with my psyche and make me have to purchase a mumu.
In closing, your timing is just bad. Please for the sake of my sanity do not even think about visiting me at this time next year.

Your friend until I hit Menopause,
WM

20 comments:

Queen of the Mayhem said...

I certainly HOPE you are not dissing the SPANX...because...if you are..this love affair between us MUST end now! (hee-hee)

PS: Can I sign this letter? I'll be damned if that B did not stop at the Mayhem too! Hate her!

Maureen said...

Ah, yeah, I hate it when the timing coincides with a holiday... Christmas is the worst...all the shopping, travel and parties; that just SUCKS bigtime. Bring on menopause, baby, I've had over 35 years of this and I can't take any more!

CDP said...

OMG, the EXACT SAME THING happened to me. I had to force myself to get a grip after the 4th or 5th "fun-size" Mounds bar, but by then the damage was done.

Bart's Camille said...

Oh man, I can totally relate. Hate that beyotch Flo and all her chocolate whoring ways.

Camille

P.S. Found your blog doing a search on "swallowed quarter"... yeah. Fun times.

Whiskeymarie said...

I haven't touched our leftover candy yet, but I can hear it downstairs right now, beckoning to me: "WM, you looooove candy! Please come and be our friend!"
Damn Kitkats.

Candace said...

i broke down yesterday and binged. hard. i went on a bender and no pms to blame!

Oh, The Joys said...

CHOCOLATE!!! GIVE ME YOUR CHOCOLATE!!!

I don't know what came over me!

Ann(ie) said...

Aunt Flo can suck it. And isn't it even more fun when she coincides with a full moon....feh. NOT PRETTY.

I'm a lover of spanx, TOOOOO!!! I want to marry them I love them so much.

jenniedub said...

I am not quite sure how people looove those Spanx. I think they suck and make your fat stick out above your knee instead of your belly!! But hey eat all the candy you want..it's holiday time!

Butrfly Garden said...

It was bad timing for me, too. Looking at chocolate is enough to make me ill right now. And, I mean, this is ME we're taking about. I used to live solely on junk food!!! And then the bizatch tried to trick me by giving me the flu on thurs. instead of showing up herself...therefore producing a pregnancy scare (I have a habit of becoming violently ill when I get pregnant). Stupid Bitch, that was a rotten trick. Can we fire her??

Shauna Loves Chocolate said...

I hate that.
I did a little PMS preparation by eating lots of candy last week. Now I have none and Aunt Flo is on her way. Dammit!

QZ~Ba Doozie said...

I think you should prevail over the little red devil and whip it's ass. I have some suggestions. I said I had them...didn't say I would put them here. Yes I'm slap ass crazy

Nora Bee said...

You know, my mom buys GRANOLA BARS for trick or treaters! WTF? In rebellion (I'm only 34) I buy chocolate for the trick or treaters. Then not enough of them show up. Then I eat it. Then after I think maybe I shoulda bought granola bars.

carrie said...

I can't wait for menopause.

Naarski (the Mrs.) said...

You are so funny cuz I was thinking the same thing this year. I was eating a "healthy" Hershey bar and noticed how fat my thighs were. I haven't eaten since ;)

Jennifer aka Binky Bitch said...

That's some amazing timing! Love your letter!

Emma Sometimes said...

The beauty is that God designed our metabolism to go up during Aunt Flos visit, so don't feel bad about the chocolate, it makes you smell good when you aren't trying. hehe. Enjoy the mood booster food and to heck with the calories...right?

Alex Elliot said...

You crack me up!

searchCrown said...

Um... yup! Me too. What's with all of us having our lovely visitor at the same time? Weird...

You'll be happy to know that my house is still full of halloween candy. But you will not find one single scrap of chocolate left among the bunch. Seriously. I re-look every half hour or so. Nope, no more chocolate. That's because I single-bellied-ly snarfed it ALL. DOWN. Sigh.

Brillig said...

Um, hi. That last comment was actually from ME (about single-belliedly snarfing) but apparently my hubby thought it was his right to touch my computer (the NERVE!) and sign himself in to gmail. So, um, yeah. Oops!