Every week day I spend time in a large metropolitan area. I've seen it all from the smelly, the stinky and the crazy on down to the I'm-not-sure-what-the-hell-you-are-I-just-know-I-should-stay-away-from-you. And every week day I manage to sidestep most of these folks.
Except yesterday when I was cornered. Sort of.
No sooner had I crossed the street when Dude said "You are beautiful".
I wanted to ignore him, I really did. But I did just get my hair done and it had been a long taxing day and frankly a compliment, regardless of the source it came from, was right on time. So I spoke and said simply "thank you" and tried to look away.
But then he kept repeating it, and when another pedestrian walked by he tried to stop him and say "Isn't she beautiful?". It had become comical at that point and I kinda let a smile slip and glanced over at him
Boots in good condition, nice jeans and nice flannel shirt paired with a parka type vest. That's odd. Why is he on this corner notorious for the skeezy, unkempt and batshit crazy I thought.
Then I looked at his face. Particularly his eyes. His red rimmed, faraway, I'm totally hammered eyes. And then I kinda got it. He's one of those i-don't-know-what-the-hell-you-are-but-i-just-know-I-need-to-stay-away types.
"I got a momma and a sister and you're beautiful" he said again.
Uh ok, I thought.
"What's your name?" he asked.
And in true non-quick thinking fashion I couldn't come up with anything.
"WM" I said meekly hoping he wouldn't hear me.
"Well mine's D and it's a pleasure to meet you" he said extending his hand.
And what did I do, but extend my very own hand. And then, before I could move away, run, hide and/or freak the fuck out he.kissed.my.hand.
Luckily the light turned in my favor and I booked it across the street.
Holy Hell did that really just happen I thought as I frantically looked for hand sanitizer in my bag. I.had.nothing.
I contemplated stopping somewhere ... anywhere to wash my tainted hand but there really wasn't anywhere. And so I waited until I got home, holding my hand far away from me much like one might hold a smelly diaper far from your nose.
The first thing I did when I arrived in my door was make a beeline for the bathroom to scrub my hand. As luck would have it I woke up this morning with my hand still attached to my wrist, bearing no funny marks and no sores so I think I'm ok. But dammit do I feel stupid.
So tell me, what thing have you done recently that was so stupid you wanted to kick your own ass ?
You're amongst friends now. Let it out. C'mon you know you wanna share...