Monday, October 6, 2008

The Comeback

Oh Dear sweet perfect comeback where were you when I needed you ? Why must you be so elusive ?

Better yet, why do you present yourself to me hours after you are needed for maximum effectiveness ?

Last week, I sat in traffic irritable and beyond ready to be home after a 9 hour day. Although the light was green I didn't go because the light at the intersection just ahead was red and the last thing I wanted to do was get stuck in the middle of an intersection.
You remember that right? Yeah, I'm sure it's coming back to you now.

Then thinking the light up ahead was about to turn green I inched up a bit when all of a sudden my light turned red. So there I sat stopped. All up in the crosswalk. Oops. Not my intention but shit happens,right?

So when dude in wranglers and leather vest crossed in front of me and then turned around glared at me and shouted " THIS IS A CROSSWALK, Y'KNOW ?" all you gave me the brilliance to come up with is "DUH".

"DUH" !? Are you for freakin' real ? "DUH"!? Who says that in those situations?

So I stewed on this silly situation for no real reason other then the fact that I was already irritable and being yelled at and not having the appropriate comeback was just one more thing to annoy me.
Then, well after dude had gone you helped me come up with all kinds of good stuff like my personal fave: "What...are your little weeny-ass legs too delicate to walk the fraction of an inch around my car?"
That little gem would have packed more punch than..."Duh" don't you think?

So Mr. Comeback help a sista out and work on your timing,'mkay ?

It's for the best.

9 comments:

CDP said...

Hilarious. There's a French expression that translated means "the retort of the stairs", meaning you're on your way down the stairs to leave when the appropriate remark occurs to you. Still, that guy might have some anger management issues and "weeny-ass" might have set him off.

debbie said...

I'm always late on a good comeback and it just makes me sick. Such missed opportunity.

Shana said...

I hate when that happens! I need to have a team of clever writers follow me around so that when a situation like that pops up, I can just turn to them and they will have a comment ready. Or maybe just Kevin Smith. He would be good.

Ann(ie) said...

I never have a decent comeback. Until an hour later. =/

Butrfly Garden said...

I actually like the simplicity of "duh." It says "Really moron? THanks, cuz me being legally blind and all makes it hard to see those damn things - and pedestrians." in one little word.

In fact, I like simlicity SO much, I don't even open my mouth sometimes. Just offer them a friendly little hand gesture and go about my way. :)

The Doozie said...

"thanks for the bulletin from the department of the obvious!!!!"

Whiskeymarie said...

I like duh. I think it is appropriate in many, many situations. Try it at a work meeting sometime, people love that- trust me.

Virtualsprite said...

I'm the same way. But I figure with my penchant for mouthing off at the wrong time to the wrong people, I'm probably better off that I get tongue tied.

I do like your comeback... even if it was late. :-)

Not Afraid to Use It said...

Oh, so you are one of those drivers. ;)