Horrible Parenting Moment No. 3

I secretly know that I aspire to be the perfect parent. You know the kind of mom whose kids are always immaculately dressed and well behaved, the mom that always feeds her kids well balanced meals , the kind of mom who has them in all the right activities, the kind of mom who instead of letting her kids watch tv does crafts with them and always anticipates her kids every move or every need and has it handled before they even ask.

You know, the person that just doesn't exist.

I try my hardest though and honestly I think I've done ok.

With some small exceptions.

Take for instance the time when J. was 4 months old and had recently learned how to roll over. I laid her in the middle of our king sized bed and turned my back for an instant to put on my shoes. As luck would have it, she rolled her little self right off the bed on to the floor. I was mortified.

That was horrible parenting moment no. 1

Moment 2 came quite a while later when B. was about 18 months old. As I walked in to the house and put him down our big ass crazy mutt came bounding down the stairs knocked him over, his head hit the wall and he got a goose egg.
Now I know some of that was accidental but if I was a good mom I would have known that crazy mutt does that kind of thing all the time and I would have put him outside for the day. That was our first trip to the emergency room. I'd never seen a goose egg before and it scared the hell outta me.

Horrible parenting moment no. 3 came in to play yesterday as I was driving the twins home from FMCP's house. I was driving down a one lane road when this piece o' sh*t car in front of me stopped suddenly and decided he needed to turn right.
I slammed on my brakes to avoid rear ending him.

At that moment B. and his car seat came flying forward and hit the back of my seat with a loud thud. (I shudder when I think of it now)

Instantly he starts whaling. I'm trying to look in the rear view mirror to see if he's ok all the while trying not to cry myself and find a safe space to pull over.

He was just fine, scared of course (but then so was I), but fine.

I instantly went to that place. That place of guilt as I only I can do.

This took the cake in the book of horrible parenting.

I knew I was going to that special hell that they reserve just for child abusers and other such monsters.

How could I not have strapped in his car seat ? When was the last time we took the car seat out of the car ? Was it me or was it hubby that last put his car seat back in the car ?

As these questions raced through my mind, J. says "Mommy, when we were looking for our toy the other day I played with the seat belt"

That little..., I thought.

But wait ,if she did it that means I didn't.

I am a good parent after all! Hallelujah!

Redemption , what a great feeling!

But wait, I still have one kid playing with things she knows she shouldn't be and wait, the "other day" that J. mentioned just happened to be two days ago and that means I've been driving around with B.'s car seat unbuckled since that time.

F*ck!

I'm still a horrible parent.

*sigh* Just when I thought I was saved.