Sexis...Enlightening (links may be considered NSFW)

I have to say I just love Edenfantasys. Or whomever is in charge of their marketing. Seriously Drew and the crew have singlehandedly taken over the mommyblogger world. Or filled it with lots of sex toys anyway, thus making them the most talked about adult toy store on the net.

And I'm not mad at 'em. For real.

From the time I was contacted by them back in December and decided to host a giveaway on their behalf I have fallen in heavy like with these guys. Like I said in that post, sex between consenting adults is healthy and why it's supposed to be all hush, hush I'll never know.

I love that they're helping to get us all talking and embracing our sexuality.

So when I was contacted again a couple of weeks back by my homies over at Edenfantasys about their new online magazine Sexis, I was happy to write a little promotional something for them.

Chock full of sex education, sex tips and sex news and culture Sexis is funny,informative and enlightening.

And as if that wasn't enough, in a major coo, Sexis landed one of my faves Jenny, The Bloggess as a contributing writer.

Go check it out. You'll be glad you did.

Let's Talk Whirlwind...

In bullet points for your viewing pleasure:

Monday - Thursday of last week: half-assedly finish 1/10 of the tasks at work so you can take Friday and Monday (yesterday) off.

Thursday evening: run around doing errands in preparation for your mother-in- law and her boyfriend's arrival and the twin's birthday party. You recognize you could have done many of these errands days ago but waited, because lets face it, you are a procrastinator.

Friday: chaperone Zoo field trip, run more last minute errands and then return home to greet mother-in-law. She has dinner waiting for you. You squeeze the bejezus out of her because she rawks in the kind of way you know no other mother-in-law does

Saturday: host 15 - 5 & 6 year olds and several adults for the twins birthday party. It goes well. You're ecstatic, because holy lord, the sheer planning that went into this shindig just about sent you to the funny farm.

Saturday evening: scoop up your own mother, you mother-in-law and head off to the casino. Give them duckets to gamble as an early mother's day gift , gamble a little yourself but then mostly hang out in the club. While you are dancing, paramedics have to recuscitate another club patron. You do not realize this until the music abruptly shuts off and although yellow drapes are shielding them you can hear them counting as they do chest compressions. Thankfully, they revive him but you head out shortly thereafter...as this is just too much for you and the 4 glasses of wine that are sloshing around in your system.

Sunday: you are a wee bit hungover, but rally and head out with the fam to Family Day at Emerald Downs. Everyone and their mother is there. You question why you joined in but in the end enjoy yourself.

Monday: your MIL leaves, you head to school with the kiddos and help out in class as per their request. You add two new family members today. Monkey and Brownie, gerbils that technically are given to your kids by you as a birthday present but you know you will end up caring for. Monday evening go to dinner at Chuck E. Cheese to celebrate the twins (actual) birthday

Monday late evening:Return home, try to watch a movie w/Edward Norton whom you adore but your eyes just can't stay open.

Monday night on into this morning: Head to bed, wake up early for, ugh... work, only to find your dog has crapped in the house

This morning about 6:30 a.m.: Cuss a lot , clean it up, get to work late....

and here I am. Back again

So that's what I've been up to. You?

The kind of Parents that I wanna kick in the junk

I want to love and respect all parents. Because seriously? We all have a very important and difficult job to do and I want to believe we're all doing the very best we can.

I want to operate under a I won't critize you if you don't criticize me mode. I want us all to realize the perfect parent doesn't exist and accept and embrace one another- imperfections and all.

But a few weeks ago on a wonderfully sunny weekend day when my family and I went out to fly a model rocket I couldn't keep to that motto.

Hubby mentioned that we needed a large open space in order to safely fly the rocket. So we settled on the grassy part of a track at a local school. We were the only ones on this field. The nearest person was literally a mile or more away.

Hubby again issued the appropriate safety precautions then the twins and I stood back as he launched the rocket.

It was truly awesome seeing the excitement on my kids faces as they watched the rocket float high in to the sky and then running with them to the spot where we anticipated the rocket would land. It was a beautiful day and I couldn't think of anything I'd rather be doing then enjoying it with my family.

Then some fucker wrecked it.

After launching one more time we saw him. The rent-a-cop. He'd pulled up in the school parking lot several hundred feet away. Hubby and I looked at one another with an "are you kidding me?" expression and then slowly began to put away our stuff as the rent-a-cop walked towards us.

"Blah,Blah,Blah several calls from parents. Blah, Blah, Blah fireworks" he said. We briefly explained that we were not setting off fireworks but in the end needed to leave.

I get that it was a school. I get that fireworks are not allowed. But I was still irritated that rather than finding out what we were doing some fun-wrecking-mother-humper called the cops.

Uggh...that parent can bite me. I mean really do they think I'd put my own kids safety in jeopardy ? Save for a freak accident that can happen anywhere anytime I don't believe we were doing anything wrong.

It took me a while to get over that one.

As if that incident wasn't enough a few days later, I'd called a classmates mother to get her snail mail address to send out an invitation to the twins birthday party.

I told her that I would have emailed but worried about the invitation going in to spam folders. To which she responded, "yeah awhile back Rochelle (another mom) forwarded me the class list you sent her and it had a Halloween party invitation or something like that on it. You had a Halloween party right?"

"Uh yeah" I stumbled

Brief silence...then

"leave it to Rochelle not to delete those kinds of things"

"Uh yeah" I stumbled again. "It was uh preschool and some new kindergarten friends and uh the kids just threw out names and I uh, uh..."

WTF I thought?! I was talking about Spam and she randomly pulls a forwarded class list and invitation to a party months ago out of the sky.

But I knew what I was supposed to get from her statement. She wanted me to know that she knew that her kid had not been invited to that party.

I was at a loss. I mean sure as ridiculous as it may sound, I kind of get being offended by your kid not being invited to a party. But I would never, in a million years bring it up to the other parent.

What the hell is the point in that?

And although we had a nice conversation after that, I felt awkward and maybe even a little bad. All I wanted to do was call and invite her kid to this party. But I left that conversation feeling like I'd done something wrong.

Uggh, she can bite me too.

This parent thing is hard enough without contending with all this drama.

So tell me something, if you're a parent: are you all kumbaya and love everyone or is there someone or some type of parent that irritates you. I gotta believe I'm not the only one.

Hacked,Jacked and feeling out of whack

You hear about it every day. Some poor, naive person responds to an email request for personal information and then gets taken for everything they're worth. You shake your head in disgust at the scam artists but then take comfort in the fact that that will never be you. You're much too smart to fall for any of that.

So you continue on with your online shopping life, not terribly worried about evil befalling you, until you get denied for a $76 dollar purchase in the grocery store.
Embarassed and confused you finally figure out that it didn't matter that you were too smart to fall for the "Gimme your personal info scam" the scammers were smarter than you and hacked in to your Paypal account and bought some software and hardware for several hundred dollars WITH YOUR MONEY.

Fortunately, you report it in time and although you're incensed that this happened to you you get all your money back.

You change your passwords and immediately install updated anti-virus software but you're raw from this and don't shop online for awhile.

After a few months you decide to dip your toe in the pool. As it turns out the water is fine, so you dive in, resuming your online shopping as if there had never been an issue.

The years pass without incident until today when you try to log on to you eBay account. Upon typing in the password you know is correct you're denied access. You try twice more thinking perhaps you typed it wrong, to no avail. You then request eBay send you your user name and password. Nothing comes.

This is all so odd you decide to contact eBay.

Only to find someone has hacked in to your account. They're putting up auctions and charging fees to you like there was no tomorrow. You're not sure but they may have hacked in to your email account to re-route emails from eBay to themselves.

You are in a semi-panic because you've had this particular email address for a while and you don't want to shut it down.

eBay takes the fraudulent auctions down. You change all your passwords again and question whether or not you should close this particular email address but decide you're not quite ready. You change your eBay communications to another email address and hope that solves it.

But still you feel all weird and violated.

This was minor you keep telling yourself. It could have been much worse.

And it helps. Sort of.

But you want those hackers to know. "I've got my eye on you, bitches!"

And then... for the first time in your life start to think torture isn't such a bad thing.

Reading this might help save my marriage

I almost shanked my husband last night.

It was during a discussion, no let just call it what it was: an argument
about removing the safety guard rail that protects my son from falling from his top bunk.

You've probably already guessed that I'm opposed. At least at this particular time.

Yes my son is almost 6, but all it would take is one unconscious roll during slumber and bam he falls to the floor lands on his arm breaking it in two places or worse yet he lands on one of the wooden drawers underneath the bottom bunk that he and his sister always forget to close and cracks his noggin.

You see what I'm getting at here ?

Well the hubby did not. His stance was that my son wants to be a big boy and I'm not allowing him the chance to do that.

Ahem, so I'll spare you most of the gory details.

But what you do need to know is that as the argument labored on it got all kinds of ugly.

Me: I get that B would like to have it removed so he can feel like a big boy. He's a smart kid though. If I explain that I think he is a very big boy- it's just about keeping him safe he'll understand.

Hubby: Why don't you just put him in a bubble.

Me: Ok now you're just being stupid

Hubby: Even if he does fall he won't hurt himself

Me: You don't know that

Him: Ok get me some statistics on injuries from your computer

Me: I don't need to get you statistics. It's my son. There is nothing wrong with wanting to protect him. In fact it's my job.

Him: I'm taking it off on his birthday

Me: I'll put it back on

Him: You're gonna raise him to be a p_ssy.

Me: What the fuck did you just say to me ?

So how did all this end? It really didn't. Sure there were apologies at harsh words spoken but in the end neither of us were budging.

So I turn to you, dear internetz, for your thoughts. Am I being ridiculous? Is the hubby right ?

It's ok be honest. I promise not to shank you for doing so.


Uh... unless you disagree with me.

In memory of Maddie - Updated

Please take a moment to read Maddie's parents Mike and Heather's beautiful tributes to their little girl.

*****************************************************************************
Returning from vacation this week, I was all set to post some silly, snarky post.

Then I checked email to find a post in which I learned that little Maddie Spohr, who I came to know and adore via her dad Mike's blog, passed away last week.

Words cannot express how shocked and heartbroken I am.

I just...am at a loss.

Please, consider sending your condolences to her parents Mike and Heather:

Mike & Heather Spohr
11870 Santa Monica Blvd. #106-514
West Los Angeles, CA 90025

and consider donating to March of Dimes or donating via Paypal using the link below to help with their considerable medical and funeral expenses.

Lastly, please be kind to one another and enjoy your families.

I'll be unplugged this week in honor of Maddie and because posting anything else at this point just wouldn't feel right.

On husbands and panty dropping

Yesterday afternoon after playing many unsuccessful April Fools Day pranks on me by phone I received a text picture (a pixt??) from hubby of what looked like a larger dog trying to have it's way with a smaller dog.

I could tell the picture was taken within moments of being sent and that it was taken right outside of his workplace. WTF?? I thought and tweeted as much.

But really if you know the Mr. this would not be out of character for him because he's a big old perv and sends me the raunchiest texts during the day. But those are usually about us or him and not dogs.

So I texted him back "I don't even want to know what's going on here" because the more I thought about it the more I questioned how it is that these dogs just decided to get busy right in front of his shop and how is it that he was right there at that moment to capture this picture and ... Ok yeah it's kind of funny but whatever, dogs humping just don't do it for me.

Minutes later I got a return text from hubby saying "It's mama and baby,too much cute".
The "too much cute" is a saying we adopted several years ago when we were in a store with our freshly popped out of the oven twins. The cashier, an incredibly nice Ukranian woman, fawned all over them and deemed them "too much cute". We loved that phrase and so it's been one those cutesy little things we say to each other. (I know, I know...please stop wretching)

I then decided to enlarge the picture, which I should have done in the first place, and realized it was a baby bulldog with the mom following closely behind. And it was "too much cute".

Looking at that picture, I had one of those moments were I thought, gawd, my husband is truly thoughtful. Where I forgot about the fact that he annoys me with his gas, and sings incredibly annoying songs in the morning while I'm getting ready because he knows it irritates the bejeezus out of me. I forgot that he doesn't cook and simply just got all gooey inside.

It's moments like that and the time when he texted me a rainbow he saw while driving over a bridge that are so sweet they just make me wanna rush home and drop my drawers.

Seriously...

C'mon you know it happens to you too. ' Fess up.

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P.S. new giveaway posted here on my review blog. Great product for labeling your baby/kids stuff!