Wednesday, November 12, 2008

Letting Go

As I sat outside that room, I tried not to perform a mental play by play of what was actually happening behind that door.

Even though I knew exactly what was happening, I didn't know the precise moment it would occur and I preferred to keep it that way.

Moments later, my husband appeared from behind that door and said "he's gone".

We locked eyes and the tears just began to flow. We embraced each other tightly in the middle of that veterinary office not caring what anyone else thought, just wanting to comfort one another.

When we were finally able to speak we couldn't bring ourselves to leave.
Although we knew going in that this particular veterinary appointment would be his last, leaving without our beloved friend was still hard.

Suprising both myself and my husband I made a decision at that moment to see him.

As I walked in to the room and saw him lying there I was shocked at how much he looked like he was sleeping. I wasn't horrified like I originally thought I might be. I was heartbroken but also admittedly relieved. He was finally at peace.

We said our final goodbyes and walked out of the office minus our beloved pet.

If felt odd and sad and unfair and I wanted so much to be someone else at that moment. Someone that didn't just lose their pet of nine years.

That day will probably be one of the hardest I will endure, but I weathered it. I am weathering it.

I'm simply trying to take comfort in the fact that our dog is no longer in pain and that it was the right thing to do.

16 comments:

sam {temptingmama} said...

I am so very, very sorry WM. So sorry. I can't even imagine the loss you're feeling at the moment. I wish there were more words of comfort.

Just know that I'm thinking about you.

Virtualsprite said...

I'm so sorry. It's so hard losing a pet. My thoughts are with you.

Shana said...

Oh no. I'm so sorry. My sympathies for you and your family. I know what it is like to have to make that painful decision. The only thing that makes it feel a little less painful is knowing that your beloved friend is no longer suffering.

Ann(ie) said...

I am so truly sorry my friend. :( It's really tough losing a pet. Hang in there, love.

Butrfly Garden said...

Oh, honey - that is so sad. I'm so sorry. :(

Simone said...

so hard to lose a pet, isn't it? i lost my cat after 16 years. but will never forget her.

Not Afraid to Use It said...

I am so sorry you had to go through this. It is so unbelievably traumatic to go through something like this. I have been the one in the room too many times, and it has affected me deeply. Hugs to you all.

CDP said...

Oh, I'm so sorry. You did the right thing, but I know it still hurts.

Angie said...

i am very sorry for your loss. pet deaths are the very reason i have avoided getting one for so long...but i have had a dog for two years now and dread the day we will have to say goodbye to her. but the fun times and love are worth it in the end, right?

my thoughts are with you!

Queen of the Mayhem said...

I am sorry to hear about your loss. I remember when we lost our dog of 13 years as a child. My mom actually let me stay home from school that day!

Biddy said...

ohhhh big big hug! i'm so sorry, friend. i know how rough that is...it's amazing how our pets become a part of the family, and a part of our hearts

Elisa said...

I am so sorry about your dog! I have never been in that position, I never had a pet for that long - the longest I had my puppy was a few months, before my neighbor accidentally poisoned him, and I was heartbroken - I cannot imagine how hard it must be to let go of a beloved pet friend who had been with you for almost a decade:-( Thinking of you, and sending you virtual hugs!

Lollie said...

You do feel al big hole with the loss of a pet, but think of all the love and laughter you had...it makes it a littl easier. Thinking of you and your family.

MichaƩle said...

I'm so sorry. Dang. Been there. About four years ago, I lost both my dogs in the same month. My little girl dog blew a heart valve and had to be put to sleep and immediately after that, my boy dog developed congestive heart failure. I think he was missing his sister.

I swore, no more dogs.

Now I have four dogs, two chihuhuas and two dobermans. Go figure.

Whiskeymarie said...

I am the worst friend ever for being late here.
I suck. But your poor doggie being gone sucks more. I can't even imagine how you feel, toots.

Want me to come over and lick your face? I'll let you scratch behind my ears...

See? Made you smile.
I think I'll kiss my kitties a little more tonight in honor of your sweet pooch.
XO

followthatdog said...

I'm so sorry. I know that loss. It takes a long time, but eventually you'll be able to think about him and remember the good times without your eyes welling up.