I don't even know where to begin. I suppose I should start when the night was still good- at a time when I was at dinner with friends enjoying a nice glass of wine preparing to head to a club to meet up with even more friends(one of whom was in town just for the weekend and I was eager to hang with her).
At some point the bride to be, oh wait did I mention this was a bachelorette party ? It was and I suppose that gives you some clue as to how the night ended because those things never seem to end without somebody waking up wondering what the fuck they did the night before and where their pants are.
Anyway, where was I... yes. The bride-to-be imbibed so many tehkillya shots she barfed up things I'd never seen come out of a human.
But let me back up, there was the moment when I broke my phone. That was awesome. I didn't do anything spectacularly klutzy, I merely dropped it on the ground and it was dead. The screen went white and in an instant I lost all my pictures, all my numbers, er'thing. I was not happy. In fact, I'm still not happy. I've since found an activated an old phone but I'm pretty sure it was from the first run of cell phones and it's a dinosaur. It's gets me fired up thinking about it now. Because that little mishap was responsible for me missing the friend who'd come in to town. I kept missing her texts and me calling from a friend's phone... well that was just disatrous. Suckass doesn't even begin to describe how I felt about missing her.
The night wasn't completely without fun though. I hadn't been to a drag show in some time and I'd forgotten how much I enjoy them. And this one? Was like none other because one of the drag queens mimicked giving birth on stage - like with a real doll coming out of her nether regions - while lip syncing to a song called Baby Mama. And no, I'm not making this up.
How did all this madness end? My feet in severe pain because my super cute Charlotte Russe wedges are the kind of shoes that were designed to be cute and nothing else and holding back the bride's hair while she barfed at our feet.
You wish you were there don't you?