Tuesday, May 26, 2009


Because I am still in three day weekend mode (read:tired and can't form a coherent thought much less a whole blog post) you get another thrilling installment of What did my kid draw ?

You can find Part I here. Oh and here's Part II.Those two pieces were brought to you courtesy of my daughter.

This artistic rendering is courtesy of my boy child.

Now then go forth, guess and... well I really have no prize. Much like the other installments. But just know I'll think you're the cat's meow. And let me tell you, that kind of endorsement from me will get you...


But hey play along anyway. Because this may be the last riveting installment of this game and you just can't miss out on that,right?


Tuesday, May 19, 2009

With a little bit of salt, this foot might taste a right bit of good

Remembering that my boss had left early yesterday to get her hair cut and colored I walked in to her office saying "'Morning, lets see that new 'do".

She turned her head from side to side letting me get a good look at her coif.

"I wish I could have seen it yesterday" I said.

"I wish I could have seen it yesterday" The hell??! I could hear the record scratching loudly in my brain.

Not "cute" or "nice" or even "cool" but "I wish I could have seen it yesterday"

I think I meant well. I think I was ... Wait a minute I don't know what the hell I was thinking. Clearly the caffeine had not reached that filter in my brain that keeps me from making such ass-clownian statements.

So I tried my hardest to get my foot unlodged from my throat but only made it worse.

"I mean it's so hard to replicate what the hair stylist does" "I mean I never can get my hair looking as good as when I step out of the salon" "Uh..." (what the hell did I mean)?

My boss simply stared at me saying nothing. Which I'm quite sure was a good thing. Because I really didn't want to hear where and what I could do with my stuttering stumbling mess of a self.

Finally , my brain kicked into action and said "it's cute"

But it was too late. The damage was done , the words were out there.

As I practically ran away from her office feeling all kinds of dumb, I thought about returning and admitting to my idiocy and apologizing.

But it really didn't matter because the fact is that she still knows I am not in love with her new hairstyle. Which is in fact a cute style but just not the most flattering for her.

And to make matters worse, my co-worker came in just minutes ago exclaiming "It looks so cute" with such genuiness that I am now hiding in my office feeling about the size of an ant's pinkie toenail.*sigh*

Note to self: Work on ability to lie. It will help you immensely.

Or better yet, start slapping yourself because you've just got to be asleep and this is all just an awful awkard nightmare.

Thursday, May 14, 2009

Sexis...Enlightening (links may be considered NSFW)

I have to say I just love Edenfantasys. Or whomever is in charge of their marketing. Seriously Drew and the crew have singlehandedly taken over the mommyblogger world. Or filled it with lots of sex toys anyway, thus making them the most talked about adult toy store on the net.

And I'm not mad at 'em. For real.

From the time I was contacted by them back in December and decided to host a giveaway on their behalf I have fallen in heavy like with these guys. Like I said in that post, sex between consenting adults is healthy and why it's supposed to be all hush, hush I'll never know.

I love that they're helping to get us all talking and embracing our sexuality.

So when I was contacted again a couple of weeks back by my homies over at Edenfantasys about their new online magazine Sexis, I was happy to write a little promotional something for them.

Chock full of sex education, sex tips and sex news and culture Sexis is funny,informative and enlightening.

And as if that wasn't enough, in a major coo, Sexis landed one of my faves Jenny, The Bloggess as a contributing writer.

Go check it out. You'll be glad you did.

Tuesday, May 12, 2009

Let's Talk Whirlwind...

In bullet points for your viewing pleasure:

  • Monday - Thursday of last week: half-assedly finish 1/10 of the tasks at work so you can take Friday and Monday (yesterday) off.

  • Thursday evening: run around doing errands in preparation for your mother-in- law and her boyfriend's arrival and the twin's birthday party. You recognize you could have done many of these errands days ago but waited, because lets face it, you are a procrastinator.

  • Friday: chaperone Zoo field trip, run more last minute errands and then return home to greet mother-in-law. She has dinner waiting for you. You squeeze the bejezus out of her because she rawks in the kind of way you know no other mother-in-law does

  • Saturday: host 15 - 5 & 6 year olds and several adults for the twins birthday party. It goes well. You're ecstatic, because holy lord, the sheer planning that went into this shindig just about sent you to the funny farm.

  • Saturday evening: scoop up your own mother, you mother-in-law and head off to the casino. Give them duckets to gamble as an early mother's day gift , gamble a little yourself but then mostly hang out in the club. While you are dancing, paramedics have to recuscitate another club patron. You do not realize this until the music abruptly shuts off and although yellow drapes are shielding them you can hear them counting as they do chest compressions. Thankfully, they revive him but you head out shortly thereafter...as this is just too much for you and the 4 glasses of wine that are sloshing around in your system.

  • Sunday: you are a wee bit hungover, but rally and head out with the fam to Family Day at Emerald Downs. Everyone and their mother is there. You question why you joined in but in the end enjoy yourself.

  • Monday: your MIL leaves, you head to school with the kiddos and help out in class as per their request. You add two new family members today. Monkey and Brownie, gerbils that technically are given to your kids by you as a birthday present but you know you will end up caring for. Monday evening go to dinner at Chuck E. Cheese to celebrate the twins (actual) birthday

  • Monday late evening:Return home, try to watch a movie w/Edward Norton whom you adore but your eyes just can't stay open.

  • Monday night on into this morning: Head to bed, wake up early for, ugh... work, only to find your dog has crapped in the house

  • This morning about 6:30 a.m.: Cuss a lot , clean it up, get to work late....

    and here I am. Back again

    So that's what I've been up to. You?
  • Monday, May 4, 2009

    The kind of Parents that I wanna kick in the junk

    I want to love and respect all parents. Because seriously? We all have a very important and difficult job to do and I want to believe we're all doing the very best we can.

    I want to operate under a I won't critize you if you don't criticize me mode. I want us all to realize the perfect parent doesn't exist and accept and embrace one another- imperfections and all.

    But a few weeks ago on a wonderfully sunny weekend day when my family and I went out to fly a model rocket I couldn't keep to that motto.

    Hubby mentioned that we needed a large open space in order to safely fly the rocket. So we settled on the grassy part of a track at a local school. We were the only ones on this field. The nearest person was literally a mile or more away.

    Hubby again issued the appropriate safety precautions then the twins and I stood back as he launched the rocket.

    It was truly awesome seeing the excitement on my kids faces as they watched the rocket float high in to the sky and then running with them to the spot where we anticipated the rocket would land. It was a beautiful day and I couldn't think of anything I'd rather be doing then enjoying it with my family.

    Then some fucker wrecked it.

    After launching one more time we saw him. The rent-a-cop. He'd pulled up in the school parking lot several hundred feet away. Hubby and I looked at one another with an "are you kidding me?" expression and then slowly began to put away our stuff as the rent-a-cop walked towards us.

    "Blah,Blah,Blah several calls from parents. Blah, Blah, Blah fireworks" he said. We briefly explained that we were not setting off fireworks but in the end needed to leave.

    I get that it was a school. I get that fireworks are not allowed. But I was still irritated that rather than finding out what we were doing some fun-wrecking-mother-humper called the cops.

    Uggh...that parent can bite me. I mean really do they think I'd put my own kids safety in jeopardy ? Save for a freak accident that can happen anywhere anytime I don't believe we were doing anything wrong.

    It took me a while to get over that one.

    As if that incident wasn't enough a few days later, I'd called a classmates mother to get her snail mail address to send out an invitation to the twins birthday party.

    I told her that I would have emailed but worried about the invitation going in to spam folders. To which she responded, "yeah awhile back Rochelle (another mom) forwarded me the class list you sent her and it had a Halloween party invitation or something like that on it. You had a Halloween party right?"

    "Uh yeah" I stumbled

    Brief silence...then

    "leave it to Rochelle not to delete those kinds of things"

    "Uh yeah" I stumbled again. "It was uh preschool and some new kindergarten friends and uh the kids just threw out names and I uh, uh..."

    WTF I thought?! I was talking about Spam and she randomly pulls a forwarded class list and invitation to a party months ago out of the sky.

    But I knew what I was supposed to get from her statement. She wanted me to know that she knew that her kid had not been invited to that party.

    I was at a loss. I mean sure as ridiculous as it may sound, I kind of get being offended by your kid not being invited to a party. But I would never, in a million years bring it up to the other parent.

    What the hell is the point in that?

    And although we had a nice conversation after that, I felt awkward and maybe even a little bad. All I wanted to do was call and invite her kid to this party. But I left that conversation feeling like I'd done something wrong.

    Uggh, she can bite me too.

    This parent thing is hard enough without contending with all this drama.

    So tell me something, if you're a parent: are you all kumbaya and love everyone or is there someone or some type of parent that irritates you. I gotta believe I'm not the only one.