File this under the category of: Is this really even remotely necessary?

***Warning overshare ahead. Read at your own risk *****

I'll never forget the first time I realized that boys could actually pee standing up. I was in awe and wanted to be able to do it myself. In fact I tried. I really did. After failing miserably, I gave up. I realized peeing standing up just wasn't to be.

Some gals didn't give up so easily

In all fairness to it's creator, this little contraption was originally created for women who couldn't sit for medical reasons.

But now the creator is targeting a larger market.

Active women.

I'm sorta inclined to give the creator some credit for trying to help out the ladies. But really, I have but just one letter. Y

Seriously, even on my worst day, even in the crowdedest of crowded places where there isn't a pot in sight, even if I'm falling down drunk I'm not going there.

I mean if I have to pee that bad, do I really even have the time to pull out this contraption, place it correctly and then go? Doubtful.

So thanks but uh I'll pass.

You know you're a Redneck family when...

One of the bloggers I've come to love, adore and continually laugh my ass off with is Tanis of Redneck Mommy fame.

I've followed Tanis' journey to adopt a child with special needs for some time and was positvely oozing with joy (get your mind out of the gutter) when she recently announced that after a looong crazy adventure she'd gotten the call she'd waited for. They'd found a five year old boy needing a "forever home".

Upon learning the news, I commented on her site, "I've never been happier for someone I don't actually know" (which was actually quite funny to admit. Because seriously the blogosphere makes me feel like I know people that I totally don't - because I've, uh, read the intimate details of their lives on the interwebs every day).

Ahem, but on to matters at hand. These saucy ladies are throwing la redneck a huge shower and well I reckon' I'd like to participate.

My challenge: to write a post with the theme "You know you're a Redneck Mommy (or Daddy ) when"

With that, I give you three (previously written) posts, that while not written to illustrate mine (and my family's) penchant for all that is rednecky, after reading I'm convinced that they do.

My hubby and son pee outside

Horses sleeping overnight in my yard in suburbia

My hubby keeps junky cars at our house (ok yeah I know they are supposed to be in the yard on blocks...but whatevs)

So there you have it: my contribution to the The Great Rootin' Tootin' Shootin' Redneck Shower!

Congrats and much love to Tanis and her family.

Just call me WM, crimefighter...or better yet Super WM

While the rest of you were comfortably at home or at work , I WM was out making the world a safer place. You can thank me later

What I thought would be a routine trip to the shoe store turned out to be so much more.

Last Friday I was at Footlocker being assisted by the nicest sales clerk who was really dedicated to helping me find the right shoes for my sucky feet.

As I walked around the store testing out a pair of shoes, dude walks in.

He headed towards the sales clerk, who had momentarily stepped away to answer the phone, and asked for a five for five ones. The sales clerk handed him the five ones. Dude then dug in to his pocket coming out with more ones and the five ones he'd gotten and says "You know what, I can't stand carrying around all these ones can you give me a 20 for all this".

In an instant I flashedback to 14 year old WM, working her first job at a fast food drive thru. My customer bought a small drink handed me a 10 and upon giving him change he handed it back and asked if he could have his change dispersed differently. It all happened so fast. It seemed legit but when my supervisor later counted out my drawer it turned out I'd had a major shortage that while they didn't fire me , they did take out of my check. And at 4.85 an hour - That.really.hurt.

Cut back to present time:

I quickly moved in to action heading up to the register, interrupting the transaction and asked to see another shoe.

Dude looked at me but said nothing. He stood there for a few moments, most likely waiting to see if he could complete his scam but being the true hero I am I busied the salesclerk with my needs , making such important statements like "you guys must get really busy this time of day" and "sometimes guys tennis shoes are cooler then womens"

Seconds later dude left frustrated and defeated.

I on the other hand, felt all kinds of good about myself. I had successfully foiled a short change scam

I'll take my cape in a size medium please.

Oh and you're welcome.

Oh Chubs, how you haunt me

I was small throughout my childhood all the way until my early 30s. Then I had kids and its been a constant struggle.

Wait a minute let me back up. This is not baby weight. My kids are almost 6. It's me. It's lbs packed on by my own doing because I am a stress eater. There I said it.

I've announced it to the world and there is no going back. I am constantly haunted by the chubs. In my mind I still think I am that slimmer healthier girl but the mirror tells me different.

I don't love the mirror like I once did. I used to be a clotheshorse. I don't love to shop like I once did. I used to manage my stress better. Now I don't manage it well at all.

But I'm trying. With this post,I've officially announced it. I am chubby.

And I don't want to be. But I know that I can change. It is completely within my power.

I will no longer let the chubs haunt me.

I will take charge. I can control my destiny. Sure there will be struggles... but there will also be progress. I will do this.

You'll support me , right?

Things that should never be Tweeted

I want to make out with the minds behind Twitter.

Seriously, I mean how much do you love Twitter ? Sure there are a few glitches every now and again but how awesome is it that you can stay in touch with all your peeps near and far by letting them know what you're doing or whatever is on your mind in 140 characters or less ?

It's quick it's efficient and most importantly it's obsession worthy fun. It seems that everyone is on Twitter, from politicians to Grandma. Even me (I'm Twinmomoftwinz. Follow.Me.Now.). Twitter is sweeping the nation and fast becoming a social phenomenon.

But perhaps some aren't using Twitter in the manner in which it was intended. Like this for instance . Publishing rejection via Twitter. Tacky...
As I read that post, I began to think about other things that should never ever be Tweeted.

Like:

What are you doing ?

Trying very hard to poop. Not happening. Maybe shouldn't have eaten so much cheese.

Figuring out if this fungus that's rapidly spreading should be looked at by doc

sniffing my armpits

eyeing that goat in neighbors yard. Never seen him look this good

or

@newboyfriend/girlfriend:std clinic test results were positive. Go get tested now.

@hubby/wife: not working out. It's not you it's me. I want a divorce

@boss: This job is no longer doing it for me. I quit

@employee: Your work ethic sucks. Leave. Now.

@patient: You have the heebeejeebees. This is an incurable disease. You have about 6 mos. left

I know there's more. There's always more.

Whatcha got ?

And now a kid friendly giveaway...

But you gotta head over to my review blog to check it out.


And for those of you that could care less but are looking for something to take your mind off of whatever task you're supposed to be doing but aren't...check out yesterday's post in which my car window basically gives me the finger.

When life gives you lemons...squirt them in the eye of whatever force caused this shit to happen

Picture this, you're headed home on a Friday evening after a very looong week.

Upon getting in your car you see that your window is not fully rolled up. You push the button to roll it up but it doesn't move. You then decide to try rolling it down first and then rolling it up. Upon rolling it down, this shit happens.

And the awesomest part, this happens at the very beginning of your 30 mile drive home on the freeway in 30 degree weather.