Some things are just too funny not to post

I think I mentioned way back when that to me Craigslist is comedy gold. I know that's not its intent,but good lord, with stuff like this how can it not be? Honestly, I may not need to sell or buy a thing but I find that I look at Craigslist regularly just so I can find little gems like this:

Need money, can do many types of jobs < location redacted>

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Date: 2011-04-01, 3:58PM PDT
Reply to: @craigslist.org [Errors when replying to ads?]

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I am in desperate need for rent money and am looking for any odd jobs that people need done so that I can keep my place.

I am a 22 yr old girl out of cosmetology school that needs some extra cash.

I am a great listener and will keep people company
I can help people move to their new apartment
Babysitting, I'm very good with kids
Being someones date for an event, I am very personable and cute!
Event shows
Handing out flyers
Cleaning!
Anything within means, this is not meant to be perverted, I just want to help other people and be able to stay at my apt this month!

Please email me reasonable requests,
Thanks



Sure she says "reasonable requests". But,Let me spank you while I wear a gorilla costume might be a perfectly reasonable request to Chester the molester.

I feel for this girl,kind of, because I know what it's like to be young and broke. But there has just got to be another way. Seriously! She didn't have one non-crazy friend to talk her out of placing said ad or uh wording it differently. It also puzzles me that she makes a point of saying she's just out of cosmetology school yet doesn't talk about hairstyling/cutting or perhaps doing makeup for a special event. I would think that would be the first thing she'd want to to do. But i'm guessing that she was high when she placed this ad... so common sense probably flew out the window.

*sigh* I have little hope for our future.

Quick Update - It would be longer if I wasn't so lazy.

*tap* *tap* Is this thing on? Anyone out there? I wouldn't blame you if you weren't there. Who wants to continue to keep a blog on their reader that posts once a month at best.

Yeah, I hear ya but cut me some slack ok? I've told you I can't multi task for shit so it's all I can do to manage everything else in my life.

*Ahem*

So here's what I've been up to for anyone who cares (and it's in bullet points for your viewing pleasure)

• Turned in to June Cleaver, well, minus the immaculate house and dinner waiting on the table. But I AM now an official PTA mom coordinating not one but two events for our school. Scary right? And get this I've been so "on it" the PTA President asked me if I wanted to join the board next year. I declined. I figured I'd only subject them to a little of my brand of crazy.


• Working out like a fiend at boot camp. I know, I know. Or maybe I don't know what's come over me. Especially when I voluntarily get up at 7 a.m. to make an 8:30 stair climbing training event. And it was like 1500 stairs y'all. My calves hated me yesterday and today I'm pretty sure they've downright given me the finger.



• Celebrated TomGirl, my oldest stepdaughter's, 18th birthday Sunday. Her first act as an adult ? Piercing her tongue. Oh to be 18 and dumb! Ok, I'm totally kidding. I'm pretty sure I wanted to do the exact same thing at that age. I'm tempted to call her and ask her seven hundred questions which forces her to talk and thereby providing comic relief for me. Because ? Have you ever heard someone with a swollen tongue talk?



• Planning a trip to Cali for the Mr's family reunion and trying to figure out if we can squeeze a trip to Disneyland in while we're there. So if y'all have any tips or tricks about how to do Disneyland on the cheap please let me know.



• Working , Working, working...waiting to win the lottery so I no longer have to end these update posts with "working,working,working"

Love you.Wantyou.Miss You.

The end.


* Ps - Mars Needs Moms Giveaway on my review blog if you're so inclined and a fitness one coming up later this week. Booyah!

Why Gawd, Why ? (Alternate title could I be any more dramatic)

As I get older, one thing is becoming abundantly clear:I can't multi-task for shit. And this, my friends, makes me sad. I wasn't always this way. I used to pride myself on my ability to do multiple things at once. It was the stock phrase I told all my potential employers.

"Yes, potential employer, I can create that 3 hour presentation while filing,taking phone calls AND eating lunch...I just want to please you"

I've said it tons of times.

But if I said it today,well, I just be flat out lying.

I used to be all, "Ooh Twitter! Why yes I can join in on 35 conversations, socialize with my friends and blog during my work day. No problem!
(note that my definition of multi-tasking is being able to work while simultaneously being crowned princess of every social media site on the internetz) I am superfrickin woman!

Then as I missed deadlines and made a mistake or two (or fourteen) reality came crashing down.

I, StaceyBecauseIMustBlog, can no longer keep up with every.little thing. And OMG that's making me crazy because *hugedeepsigh* I'm realizing I have to be all serious-like.

I blame aging and oh dear gawd could I be getting more responsible ? I think I actually want to put out a good work product reflective of the workplace badass I once was before the interwebs grabbed hold of my soul.

Sometimes, this getting old things really sucks. Soon my wine bottle will be replaced with geritol tonic and my dancing shoes will be replaced with orthopedic shoes and I'll start using phrases like "In my day..."

*abiggerhugerdeepersigh*

Pray for me y'all.

Facebookers, I need your help! - Updated!

*********As I said on Facebook, "I winned, I winned! (blah blah blah) I freaking love you people!"

Thanks for your support!
*****************
Hey y'all this will be short but sweet. And maybe not so pretty. Unless, you get enjoyment out of seeing people beg then I guess it will be kind of pretty. But anyway...

Picture me on my knees, hands folded , with a pleading look:

Are you on FB? Please email me at im(dot)a (dot)twinz (dot) mommy (at)gmail (dot) com (and yes I know that's a long email. thank you).

I'm trying to win a contest. It's not just any contest though- it's helping me to achieve some fitness goals and rid my self of my jiggly booty forever! Remember when I told you I'd gone crazy and joined fitness boot camp. Well I'm still crazy and still at it AND now my Fit camp is holding a contest on FB where the person with the most "likes" on their weight loss story/bio wins $250 and a week of free fit camp. There are only four of us competing and I'm getting all kinds of competitive.

So help a sista out will ya? All you have to do is like their page and then like my post and guess what, there is a full body picture of me there *sigh*. So if you're ready to throw up your breakfast and see what I look like, email me and I'll give you the deets. I'd post them here but after all this is the internetz and frankly I don't know who's looking and who's not.

And what else is this space for if I can't beg my friends and readers for their help right ?

Thanks y'all

Happy MLK day and XOXO

and finally

Cheers to me getting a smaller ass!

Dear 2011, I want to be your BFF

Happy New Year y'all! What? I'm only 6 days late. For someone who has trouble being on time to anything you should applaud not criticize.

2010 ended decently I suppose, if you don't count attending a gerbil funeral on Chrismas Eve or the muscle strain that was so intense it sent me to urgent care. But I'm still alive and swangin'. So there's that.

I've already had a talk with 2011 and asked her to take it easy. I've told her I expect nothing but good health and good fortune. I also told her to toss me a couple of winning lottery numbers but the jury is still out on that one.

I'm kinda excited about the new year. It will hopefully, ideally (pretty please) be as good as I make it. Yeah that was a little Rah! Rah! Rah! but I'm choosing to take the stance that I can control a good degree of what happens to me.

We shall see...

My plans ? The 3 Fs. Family,Friends, Fun. I thought about adding a fourth F in there but as much as I wanted "Forget work. It's utter bullshit" to be part of my mantra I can't really (Unless *ahem*2011 you give me those lottery numbers like I asked, ohhkahyy? Also, that doesn't quite flow, now does it?)

This year promises to be busy, beginning with a visit from my lovely twin sister next week then leading in to school events, kids stuff, the husbands 40th (which, fuck I have to top last year's gift) blogger events, trips,more visits from family,parties, slimming down, fame! fortune! and glory!

Ok maybe some of that won't really happen.

But it sure as hell would rock hard if it did.

Cheers y'all.

Happy Birthday to me...a little late

I remembered this weekend that I forgot to post about my upcoming birthday. Being the attention whore that I am I'm typically right on it - even posting weeks before to ensure I get a little extra birthday love.

But this year that changed. The hubby took me out for a fantastic dinner and then for some booty shakin and a little gambling but prior to that I wasn't all spastically making plans and shouting from rooftops "GET ME, BUY ME...I REALLY NEED. I WANNA GO HERE, WE GOTTA HAVE A BIG PARTY ..."

In fact on my actual birthday I spent much of the day recovering relaxing and twas a beautiful thing.

Could it be, that I'm just getting old ?

Lawd help me say it ain't so.

Anyhoo, happy birthday to me one day late. I'm officially 38.

This was bound to happen...

It was but a matter of time before I dove head first off the deep end. I knew it, you knew it - lets not even pretend we didn't.

I tried to resist but then I just snapped and now sane to me is getting up three days a week at 4:40 a.m. and going to fitness boot camp.
From 5:30a.m. to 6:30a.m. on these days I drag my jiggly (but soon to be quarter-bouncable) ass out of bed, throw on my yoga pants - which have become one of my new favorite items in my wardrobe - and go work out. Hard. Inorite? In a world of peep toe heels and slouchy boots I'm getting all giddy about my yoga pants and Asics tenees *sigh*. Then after an hour of being pushed to my max and sweating like a whore in church I head to work. (Truthfully, while I feel great once I'm done that is the only part of this adventure in which I actually feel great)

As if that wasn't enough, I thought it would be completely mentally sound to volunteer to chair the annual Dad's spaghetti dinner for 500 little elementary school children and their parents. Yeehaw! (And yes I know I'm not a Dad. Thanks smartasses) This is of course in addition to working and mom-ing and trying to have some semblance of me time.

I'm not sure what's come over me. I'm considering going to a doctor because this has got to be a sickness of some sort.

I mean I couldn't actually be getting it together and becoming like an overacheiver.

Bwahaahaha!!

I know I couldn't keep a straight face when saying that and I'm damn sure you laughed when reading it.

Me overacheiving? This is clearly just a momentary lapse. Surely,I'll be back to my wine guzzling,couch-loving,fried-food eating,trash-tv watching self in no time