We've become those neighbors

If you ask me it's pretty darn good being my neighbor. If I see you outside I'll wave or toss you a quick hello;I'm not instrusive, merely friendly. I try and keep my yard fairly neat and tidy,I'd never let my dog do his bidness on your lawn and I don't throw wild parties that last until the ass crack of dawn. I pride myself on being the neighbor everyone wants to live next to.

Well that was until this past weekend. Remember this thing ? Well,it's been sitting in the garage in its usual state of disrepair. Only hubby got a wild hair and started tinkering with it on Saturday . And let me tell you this fucker is lo-oud. Think regular engine revving. Then multiply that by, oh say, seventy and then you'll understand what it sounds like when running. Sadly, there isn't anywhere in my house that I can escape the noise. My son, who'd been outside "helping" his dad, came running inside like he'd seen the boogeyman the first time the hubby started it.

It's just loud. Oh and did I mention how loud it is ?

So yeah, um when on Saturday after buying a water pump it wouldn't run continuously a frustrated hubby gave up but was back at it on Sunday. When he finally got it running he took it for a spin in our neighborhood but not before burning out upon his departure.

I can only imagine the neighborhood meetings they are now having about us. Why, I fully expect to see some not so nice letter on my doorstep when I arrive home today.

Dear WM,

It's been a pleasure living near you but all good things must come to an end. Please never ever, ever run that "vehicle" again. If you do please see that you do it in another neighborhood.

Signed,
Your no longer patient neighbors

P.S- if you missed our subtle hint if we even hear one engine revving in the future. we'll put your house up for sale ourselves.

Yes, I can see it now. *sigh*

Anybody know of a great location that will take the WM family ? Oh and before you speak up, just remember the family includes a hunk of junk volkswagon well maintained albeit slightly noisy souped up VW.

Why Red Lobster is the creepiest place on Earth

Having been just the teeniest bit hungover yesterday I was elated to rediscover the Red Lobster gift card I'd been given back in December. Whew, what a lifesaver I thought. Now, I won't have to prepare dinner. Nothing could have made me happier. So I phoned in my order and headed to the restaraunt directly from work.

When I arrived, my order wasn't quite ready so I was told to have a seat in the bar(and no I did not drink ,thank you) and that they'd bring my food to me when it was ready.
The lone person in the bar, I was at a loss as to what to do while I waited. I'd left my cell phone in the car, so I couldn't call my sis for a little time-wasting converstation. What to do ? I looked around the restaurant hopeful I'd find something (or someone) worth watching.
Then I spotted it. The live lobster in the tank in the lobby of the restaurant. While not a regular patron of Red Lobster, I've certainly been before in my life and known that they have a live lobster tank in the front but somehow never thought much about it.
As I watched the lobster sit stationary in the big tank a woman appeared. She sat next to the tank and began to try and engage the lobster in play. Really, I swear. As she put her fingers near the glass the lobster follwed them. It was actually kind of cute. In a crazy, I go-to-restaraunts-and-play-with-lobsters kind of way.

But that led me to thinking.

Playing with the lobster is probably what a child would do. My children have always been fascinated by fish tanks and wanted to tap on the glass and play with the fish.

Having that lobster on display makes him seem as if he's a pet. Which in light of the fact that they serve lobster for patrons to eat... well that's just a wee bit creepy.

"Here kids, play with this cute little lobster and here are some coloring books and crayons and animated lobsters for you to have fun with and oh what's that...lemme just set this deceased lobster in front of you to eat"

Obviously, I understand that by patronizing the restaurant I'm consciously making the decision to support eating lobster, or shrimp or whatever seafood I choose and I'm fine with that.
But my kids ??? I imagine the whole experience just might freak them right the hell out.

Yeah... uh note to self: DO NOT bring kids to Red Lobster and maybe re-think vegetarianism.


And with that, I take my leave of you.


May you have the happiest of weekends!

Smooches,
WM

Thanks, for the complete and utter waste of time

Lately, I've been struggling with work life balance finally coming to the conclusion that either I need to alter my schedule by fall or change jobs in favor of something closer to home.

When I've broached the subject of schedule adjustments with my boss in the past the response was less then lukewarm. "Well it's important that you're here during core hours" she told me which ultimately amounts to me getting home no earlier then 6:00 p.m. And frankly I'm over it. I'd like to be home when my kids get home from school. I'd like not to have sit in traffic for 1.5 hours leaving me cranky and irritable when I walk in the door...but i digress

Figuring my request for a new schedule would again be met with a cold response I put my feelers out there and very quickly stumbled upon a job in the same town I live in. So I sent in my resume.

Admittedly, I was scared of what may come. Sure I complain about my job but frankly it's gravy. I've been here going on 6 years and without going in to details will say I know that I have it good. Probably better then I deserve. So the thought of leaving all this is... well terrifying.

But I did it and a couple of days later I received an email asking me to come in for an interview. I freaked, forwarding the email to my sister with "Oh,no" in the subject line.

At that moment I realized that even though I'd sent in my resume I hoped that they wouldn't actually contact me. My sister talked me off the ledge and assured me it wasn't doing anyone any harm for me to go. And indeed she was right. I was stressing unneccesarily. It was ,after all, only an interview.

So I emailed back agreeing to come in. The interview was with a staffing service(aka temporary agency) that the company used to help them recruit candidates. Having worked for a staffing service several years ago I knew this was a commonplace practice and that most staffing services offer direct hire postions in addition to temporary. So I was fine with interviewing first with the staffing service.

I arrived at the scheduled time of 9:15 and after filling out an annoying application that included several HR "no no's" I sat down with the Office Manager. She asked me about my current job and then proceded to tell me that because of union contracts the job I'm interviewing for is going to be a temporary to hire position.

HUH ? Exsqueeze me ? Are you saying that you'd like me to leave a full time position with which I have longevity for a temp-to-hire-position. She must have seen the semi-horrified look on my face because she said "well the company can buy out your contract at any time but..." I let her finish and politely declined.

But here's the thing: Why in the farking hell, could she not have told me that little tidbit in the emails we exchanged setting up the interview.

It took everything I had not to stand on her desk and bare my ass for her to kiss...

And to add insult to injury, she said "yes, a lot of candidates have felt that way after hearing that"

I.was.speechless.

When I regained my ability to speak I may or may not have said one or all of the following. You decide.

A) Either you're new or you're the dumbest broad in the world
B) Why in the hell did you just waste your time and mine ?
C) You inept be-atch, let me tell you a couple of things about how to properly recruit
D) I appreciate your honesty, thank you , but please do me a favor and spare other candidates from the hell you just put me through.

Why am I a crazy people magnet ?

WWYDW is on break this week because... well, just because it is.

But tell me something. Do I strike you as not right in the head ? Wait, don't answer that. I only ask because over the last week I have been approached, accosted and annoyed by insane people.

For example: I'm waiting in line in Ross minding my own business when out of no where a woman told me she had to pee but they wouldn't let her and she's a recovering alcoholic. I swear, she said it just like that. "Ireallygottapeebuttheywon'tletmei'marecoveringalcholic" was how it sounded. I just nodded politely and tried to focus on the toy I had in my hand. She then started talking about J P Patches. "Do you remember him ?" she asked. "My brother and I loved him. Remember those hats with the balls, oh it was my favorite hat". And then as quickly as she'd started talking to me she put on her headphones and proceeded to sing along shaking her hips and waggling her fingers saying "Gotta listen to my music"

Uh yeah I thought and freakin hell can't this line go any faster.

Or, take for instance that same evening as I waited in line at Subway. Again, keeping to myself a woman with what could only be described as rotting teeth started to talk to me about how she knew another woman in line but couldn't remember her name. "I can't remember names anymore". Then she launched in to a discussion about how her kid is too skinny.

Then there was the time I was offered cheese on the bus by some random stranger. She simply pulled a large wedge of cheese out of her purse thrust it toward me and said "I can't carry it, it's too heavy"

What tha ? What is it about me ? I generally like to be friendly and will chat up just about anybody. But, I'm feeling forced to draw the line.

Here ye, Here ye, " I am not a psychologist, nor am I a psychiatrist or do I care to be offered dairy products from your bag."

There, I sincerely hope that works.

Or maybe I'll just have to wear a sign "If you're nutty, I'm not your buddy...If you're cracked, stay back", "If you're insane...please refrain"


What...too much ??

Burning Questions

It’s been a busy last few weeks and I’m sincerely ready for a lengthy break. Sure I’ve taken a day off here or a day there but it never quite gives me the respite I need. I’m hopeful,though,that I can make it until August when the hubs and I will be going to Vegas sans kids.

Let me say that again. Vegas. Without kids.

Frankly, I’m not sure Vegas is ready. I plan to fully relive my early twenties and do things that, well, things that definitely need to stay in Vegas. But as that is several months away, I guess I'm forced to play the cards I’ve been dealt and survive the madness somehow.

That said, some questions have arisen out of the chaos that's been my life of late. I've taken the liberty of sharing them with you below:

I registered the twins for kindergarten this week . Tuesday evening hubby and I went to what's called the kindergarten “round-up” . The school staff introduced themselves and gave us a preview of what to expect in the fall and throughout the year.

Will someone please tell me why they are preparing my kids to go straight to college after kindergarten ? I remember kindergarten being much like preschool in that there was a lot of play, some reading, some other activities but not nearly as academic as it is today. My 5 year olds will have spelling tests, learn to write stories,learn to draw pictures to match the stories they've written, learn punctuation, learn to count to 115 , learn to count by 5’s and 10’s, learn to tell time, learn to count money, have computer lab...oh and there may be a 15 minute recess squeezed in there somewhere.
Sure I believe B & J are capable but damn…say goodbye to childhood y’all

Why did this month's surge of hormones produce a Mt. Vesuvius sized, painful zit just under my 35 year old nose. You know the one. The one that everybody can’t help but look at when they are speaking to you making you want to say “yeah I know its there, for freaks sake, get to the point”

Why in early April are we still having weather like this ? I just happened to be unloading groceries when these monstrosities started to fall. I was continually pelted and wouldn’t be surprised if they caused internal injuries.

Why is my son all of a sudden turning in to “that kid”? You know the one that’s hitting and kicking and being defiant just because. The one that other moms shriek in horror about when he walks in to a room.

WTF does it mean to “Wang Chung tonight" and why oh why was this number 2 on the billboard charts ?

And the number one burning Friday question:

Why oh why can’t it be Saturday ?

Now then, feel free to ponder these questions, or if you are so inclined maybe even answer one or two. But please,oh please, whatever you do don’t let them keep you up at night as they have me.

WM out.

p.s. Smooches!

WWYDW- I’m Back

It’s that time again.  First, I’d like to thank you all for being so hospitable to WT (Worker Twin) and I’d especially like to thank you for not asking her any embarrassing questions about yours truly.  That was your golden opportunity…but thanks for not capitalizing on it.

Anyhoo, on to the matters at hand. How would I have handled last week's situation ?

Frankly, my friend would have been on the receiving end of an incredulous look and would have been told what s/he had said/done wasn’t funny.  I’d  then try and change the subject.

For this week:

You work with someone that repeatedly embellishes stories.  Initially, you think it’s harmless enough. But  as it continues you realize she’s (or he) is positioning herself (or himself) to look good to the boss and go for the promotion you wanted. What would you do ?

Someone should feel very lucky today

Happy April Fools Day, one and all. While I wish I'd dreamt up some delicious prank unfortunately being busy prevented that from happening.

But I did want to stop in and announce the winner of the Blogiversary Giveaway.

Congrats Tanya Moyer ! You are the lucky winner of your favorite Krista Handbag, the Slate Flourish Tote, and a copy of The Middle Place.

And I'm not foolin'


Enjoy!

Mwah,
WM