Monday, September 15, 2008

In search of the butt bra

Lets just say I have an ample backside. It's not quite a shelf booty but let's say I identify with the term "bootylicious".

Most of the time I'm ok with it. It's my lot in life. Hell, I'd much rather have some then none. In fact, some days if you get me in the right jeans I'm rather likin' what I was given. But that's in heavy denim. Denim that holds and lifts and shapes.

Lightweight cotton culottes do not. But I wore them anyway last week as it was due to be a scorching day and anything else just seemed...well... hot.

That happened to be the day I needed to run Downtown to the Post Office and overnight a package. I knew it would be a zoo there and I knew I only had a half an hour so I jog-walked the seven or so blocks from my work.

And as I did. I felt. The jiggle.

I do not like to jiggle. It's probably one of the worst feelings in the world for me and probably accounts for the reason I don't like Jello. But I digress.

Ask my hubby. He knows I have jiggle issues. If he playful slaps my behind and it jiggles, well I stop feeling playful and the claws come out.

"DID YOU JUST MAKE ME JIGGLE ?" I'll screech in a voice he's come to know as the if- you-do-it-again-I'm-going-to-go-all-medieval-on-your-ass-voice.

"Uh, sorry" he'll say cowering in fear.

Yep,I'm like that. It's not pretty.

So I got to thinking as I unhappily jiggled down the hill. We have bras so that our boobies don't jiggle with reckless abandon as we lead our active lifestyles.

Why not a bra for those of us with badonk-a-donks ? I picture something very closely resembling a bra with two cups but rather then shoulder straps having a waist strap.

What? If someone is making raincoats for purses then dammit someone can make a bra for the behind.

Maybe that's my golden ticket

Now, a name. A name. What would I call this stroke of genius ?

Hmm...the jiggleliminator ? the brass ?

Well something will come to me...sooner or later. There has just got to be a public need for this kind of thing.

Umm,right ?


Sornie said...

Call it "The Cheeker".

Shana said...

whatever you call it, I'll buy it!
I hate ass-jiggle!

Queen of the Mayhem said...

You HAVE to try a SPANX power is shizit when trying to eliminate the unwanted jiggle!

Debbie said...

I turned around and shook minea tmy daughter today (cause I'm just a great Mom like that) and she said it kept going long after I had stopped. The nerve of that kid.

Ann(ie) said...

The queen speaks the truth....spanx are totally the shizit!!!!!

Mommy said...

I wish Spanx were more comfortable - all those devices - my jiggle is in another place, but I relate.

Elisa said...

You are a genius. And brass is the perfect name. And your husband and my husband had better never meet or they'll have lots to talk and laugh about!

Whiskeymarie said...

You have a lovely badonkadonk, my dear. Flat asses are no fun, you know.
I vote for calling it "The brass"- that made me giggle.

The Laundress said...

Don't they make those jeans with the butt bra inside of them...Apple Bottom sumpthin' sumpthin'???

I frickin' hate the jiggle...Yes, I feel it too.

Except my ass is as flat as a wall.

Alex Elliot said...

I tried to comment yesterday, but Blogger wouldn't let me. It's too bad Seinfeld wasn't still on because that's how you could make serious big bucks on it: remember the "bro" (man bra)?

CDP said...

The "brass" cracked me up.

Ha! "Crack"! Even funnier! (I'm so easily amused it's not funny)

MichaƩle said...

Spanx for sure. Love em.

Virtualsprite said...

I'll buy it whatever it's called. Since I hit thirty my ass has definitely started to jiggle. And, yes, my husband thinks it's funny, too.

So I just point out how his gut jiggles. Turnabout is fair play, right?

Butrfly Garden said...

vs, consider yourself lucky! I swear I started sagging and jiggling EVERYWHERE the DAY I turned 21. It never got any better. :)

I got some expensive shaping undies. they made my butt look good, but not "feel" good - like, from the outside. The downside to regular bras, I hear, as well. :)

janet said...

its better to wear a butt bra than to let the ass jiggle!