The Reality is that I'm getting Old

Sadly, I can't party like I use to. Life is different now.

In my early 20's I was in better physical shape, I had no kids, a job that I didn't care much about and a small apartment that I lived in by myself so who cared if clothes were strewn everywhere.

Now I have a husband, 4 kids, a career, a house to maintain and a crazy schizophrenic mutt - all things that require full Worker Mommy attention.

But try as I must, I just can't turn down girls night.

One of my best girlfriends emailed a week or so ago and said her hubby was going out of town. She invited me and a few of the gals over for dinner and maybe a cocktail or two at her 5 zillion square foot house right on a golf course.

Seriously, who in their right mind would decline that invite ?

I was excited and readily agreed and told hubby well in advance that he'd be on twin detail by himself that night.

I had a bit of trouble getting out of the house because B & J of course wanted to come with, hubby couldn't figure out what to cook for dinner so I had to do it but once I escaped it was like The Gods started singing.

Hallelujah, Hallelujah.

Let me tell you I had the best time - good girl talk, good food , good times.

Only I think I let the good times roll a little bit too much.

Several glasses of champagne (yes we were seriously celebrating)and multiple rounds of Taboo later I realized I was quite tipsy.

Oops!

We all stayed very late to sober our asses up ensure we all got home safely but here's the thing : the next day I was no good to anyone.

At 21, I would have been ready for a little of the "hair of the dog that bit ya" medicine and then been raring to go.

Not now. I was a useless lump on Sunday.

Well, I did manage to get up and fix breakfast. But it was cereal.

I did manage to entertain the kids (with a dvd while I laid on the couch).

and I did manage to cook dinner ( it was Hamburger Helper).

So what did I learn from all of this ?

I just can't hang.

I need to realize that I ain't the party gal I used to be.

Maybe "girls night" finally needs to cease. Maybe the 34 year old me just needs to hang it up. Maybe its the end of an era.

Well, either that

or

Next time, I need to send the kids to Grandma's for the day so that I can properly nurse my hangover.

Yeah, thats the ticket !

This Parenting thing is kinda' hard sometimes

I think one of my favorite places to cuss like a sailor is in the car. Its not that I get in the car and just start letting the expletives fly but it just so happens that nothing pisses me off more than people who can't drive, drive way too fast in a residential area and just generally jeopardize mine and my families safety with their lack of driving prowess.

This morning as we headed to FMCP's house this car pulled out in front of me, travelled for about a milimeter and then slammed on the brakes because the driver decided he/she needed to make an immediate left turn. That slick move forced me to slam on my brakes( Although this time the kids were sufficiently buckled in and we didn't have any mishaps.)

I think "son-of a bitch" were the choice words I used this morning.

"What did you say,Mom?" B & J stopped talking with one another to ask in unison.

Now I wasn't necessarily loud with my exclamation but for some reason regardless of how much talking and giggling is going on in the backseat they manage to hear whatever potty mouthed thing I might say.

I try really hard not to cuss in front of the twins and have been relatively successful but this morning the words just tumbled out of my mouth before I could stop them.

"Nothing, guys" I say in hopes that they didn't hear me.

"Did you say son-of-a bitch?"

So I had to tell them that mommy said something she shouldn't have because the car in front of us did something not so smart and that I was sorry for saying a bad word.

"Well that's ok, Mommy" J said.

But here's the thing, I know that she wasn't just assuaging my guilt she in essence was "ok'ing" the use of the word for herself.

She may not use it today or tomorrow or even a week from now but she or her brother will use it.

A little background: On TomGirl's birthday a friend of mine bought her an explicit lyric CD on accident. My friend's husband put the CD in before I got wind of it and next thing I know Akon (who I don't particularly care for anyway but that's not the point) is singing loudly "I want to F*ck you" instead of "I want to love you".
I couldn't get to the CD player fast enough to rip that cd out of there.

This incident happened back in early March mind you but last night when I was putting the twins to bed J started singing "I want to fuff you".
Thank the Lord she hadn't heard the "real" word - but seriously any tween, teen or adult would know what she was trying to say.

And if she says it in front of somebody I'm done for.

I had to think quickly and say that the song was about fluffing pillows and changed the lyrics to I want to fluff the pillows and that seemed to satisfy her.

For now.

One day I know I'll hear something like I wanna fuff you son-of-a bitch and then I might as well hang it up.

They'll probably put me under the jail.

Really, I can't say I'd blame them.

The Name of the Game - To Change or Not to Change?

Sorry for the terribly long post yesterday folks. I'll try and keep it brief today so as not to be all long winded and windbaggy and scare you in to never coming back.

Because I'd certainly miss you so!

So stick with me for a little bit, this could be interesting.

I work in an environment with many individuals with advanced degrees; many of whom are published. Most of the married females published before they were married and are recognized in their field under their maiden names. Thus they have chosen not to take their husbands last name.

Or maybe it goes deeper than that.

In talking with a male co-worker yesterday that was recently married to a recently divorced woman (did you get all that?) he mentioned that she needed to change her last name. I assumed that he meant to his last name but he said no he really didn't care whether she assumed his surname or not but that she absolutely could not have another man's name. He said in fact that he'd rather her change back to her maiden name. I understand the reasoning behind not wanting a wife with another man's name but because she has kids with that last name she is hesitant to change her name at all. When I asked him how he felt about that he made it clear that he has issues with women changing their last names at all.

He and I have had this debate before "Why do you do it?" He asks " I think its an antiquated, outdated practice and there really isn't any reason for it"

By "you" , he's not only referring to me specifically but all women...as if I could answer that.

I didn't have any hard and fast belief that I had to take hubby's last name. In fact I rather liked my maiden name. After all I'd had it for 28 years prior to marrying him but because I loved him and because it meant something to him that I take his name I did so.

Beyond that I know my name does not define me thus whether I chose to keep my maiden name or change it ultimately did not matter.

So what about you ? How'd you play "the game" ? Where do you stand ?

Girl Meets Boy

Because I briefly mentioned TomGirl and her boyfriend yesterday, I feel I must tell you how it all went down - you know how I found out the dirt on the bf.

I knew it was bound to happen. She'd already began to physically mature and as I began to hear the signs - referring to every young male celebrity as "hot" over the last several months - I knew it wouldn't be long before she'd find someone a little bit more local to crush on or worse yet get in to a relationship with.

So each weekend when I'd see her I'd ask the question. "So do you have a boyfriend yet?" to which she'd always reply "No" or "Whatever".

After getting the same response time after time I had to get a little more clever in how I asked the question. Like, "So what's your boyfriend up to this weekend?"

Now I know my stepdaughter's not stupid and clearly rephrasing the question won't all of the sudden confuse her so much that she'd spill the beans on whether or not she actually had a boyfriend. But I figured by changing it up a bit - the question might be unexpected and thus catch her off guard.

And as luck would have it - this weekend it did.

"Where did you get that?" I asked when I spied a bracelet sticking out from under her John Cena sweatbands .

"I don't know where I got this"

"Did your boyfriend get it for you?"

"Whatever" she began to say but then she turned her head and laughed and I knew it.

"I knew it," I said "Spill it, who is he , how old is he, who does he hang out with ".... the questions just flew.

Suprisingly she answered every question and after I got the important questions answered like "Is he cute?" I asked it. You know, the question.

"So have you guys kissed ?"

"Eww " she said

Now I was the one saying "Whatever". I mean really, I wasn't 14 all that long ago.

After going through a bit of back and forth "You two have kissed I know it"

"No we haven't"

"Yes you have" (hey, what can I say I'm just mature like that).

She finally says "If you don't believe me you can call him and ask him"

"Ok" I said in my best dont-dare-me voice "What's his number ?"

She rattles off the number and I head towards the phone trying to scare her into thinking I was going to call him. Really I had no intention of doing it.

"I'll do it", GPT who had recently entered the room stood up and said.

Next thing I know GPT was calling him.

TomGirl snatches the phone and after a brief "Hey, whats up" she says "Tell my mom we haven't kissed" and hands the phone to me.

"Who's this ?" I say pretending to be the mean step-mom.

BF tells me his name.

"Are you treating my step-daughter well?" I ask and in all his teenage boy wisdom he says "I guess so"

(I guess so...uhh, great pick TomGirl)

" Um,she wants me to tell you I haven't tried to kiss her" he says.

" Right, she wants you to tell me that, but is that the truth?" I ask

Before he could answer, I said "Nevermind, I'm just messing with her - but you better not have kissed her" and quickly hand the phone back to TomGirl.

I stopped him before he could respond because really, what the hell was I going to do with that information once I had it. After trying to get the goods for so long, I kind of realized I didn't really want them. I secretly wanted to believe my 14 year old stepdaughter was that same little girl who wanted to run around and fix cars with her dad and didn't have another care in the world - let alone have a boyfriend whom she might actually kiss one day .

TomGirl ended the phone call with the BF and immediately flipped out "OMG, OMG, I can't believe we just did that".

I'm laughing and high fiving GPT because seriously GPT could get away with calling the BF because she was the "pesky" younger sister. I on the other hand might have gone on information lockout if I would have wrecked this one chance at handling the information TomGirl choose to share with me by calling and embarassing her in front of her BF.

The next day TomGirl texts me from school and says things were fine and that BF wasn't bugged by the call.

"Cool, now you can go back to hanging out and smooching" I say just to tease her when I call her back (because what fun is being a parent if you can't tease your kid).

"Gross, why do you keep saying that ? I told you we haven't kissed and I don't want to kiss anybody"

"Then what do you do ?"

"Usually go outside and play basketball"

Aww good old TomGirl- there's the girl I know and love.

All is right with the world once again.

Feelin a little Guilty - The Confession

Yesterday, I took a "mental health day" from work. I simply called in sick and spent a sun shiny day at home with the kids doing nothing but playing and laughing and just enjoying them (I wish I could turn that job in to a full time gig).

You'd think that I would have come in to work rejuvenated. But no. I'm feeling kind of surly today. Mainly, because I'm here at work. I enjoy what I do (and the company I do it for) but generally I don't enjoy the fact that I have to work.

I hit this point at some time each year. I just get burnt out. I get tired.
I constantly dream about winning the lottery and having the luxury of choosing whether or not I get up each day and face the grind.

In the past when this has happened, I'd go home each night and vent to hubby. "Oh no" he'd say fearing I might just up and quit but as I am a little over one month shy of my five year anniversary with this company they must be doing something right to prevent me from running for the hills. I guess there are some perks that I haven't had at other jobs. Its a small, fairly laid back company . My boss, with whom I get along very well, has a toddler only one year younger than the twins so she gets it . I make a decent salary, I have my own office so I can blog and not get caught which is truly what its all about and have a fair amount of schedule flexibility.

So why am I feeling this way ?

Because time flies and I don't want to miss a thing. The twins are soon to be four and next year they will start kindergarten. TomGirl already has a "boyfriend" (well sort of - she's not allowed to go out on dates yet but they've established that they like one another, he's given her a bracelet and they talk on the phone constantly). She's 14 now and pretty soon she'll be driving, going out on dates and everything else that goes along with being a teenager. GPT is a talented singer and wants to try out for American Idol in a couple of years. Being a part of these things is the way I want to spend my time. Not behind a desk.

I try and capitalize on the moments I do have and maximize the "free time" I get but sometimes two days just doesn't cut it! I mean when do I get to catch a break?

Sometimes in life we just need to make our own breaks. So I took an impromptu day off and lied about why I wasn't coming in to the office and dammit I will not feel guilty about it !!!

Ok, there I got it all out.

It felt good to confess - but now I'm worried.

Could the wrong internet search by an employee of my company lead them to my blog and cause me to wind up like this?

Gah, I really can't catch a break can I?

Way to build up Mommy's Self Esteem

This weekend as I went to put a DVD in for the kids my son says "Mom,are you gonna lose that?"

"What I ask?"

"Your big ol butt" he says.

Now a little background: my mom took the twins to a doctors appointment in which they hooked up leads to her stomach and chest. During the course of the appointment in true "kids say the darndest things" fashion B asks "Grandma why is your belly so big?" My mom thought the best approach was just to be straight up and tell B that "Grandma eats too much junk food but she really needs to loose her big ol' belly"

So, I guess when B. saw Mommy's gargantuan gluteus he felt he needed to inquire as to whether I ,like his grandma, was going to loose that "big 'ol thing"

"I can't loose it" I said knowing that even if I did drop a few pounds I'd still be one of those women Sir Mix a Lot was rappin' about.

"Besides" I add " I kind of like my booty and I think Daddy does too"

Whose kid is this I start to think and where did he get the idea that if its smaller its better. I gotta teach this kid a few things. I mean hell, its good to be bootylicious. Besides he took after mommy's side of the family and he's got a little bit of "back" himself.

So later that night I'm relaying the story to hubby because part of me thought it was funny and then the other part of me needed some affirmation.

Hubby kind of chuckles and asks B if he said that to Mommy.

"Yeah" he says, "but her doesn't gotta loose it"

Aww, I think he's learning. Thats all I can ask for right ?

then

"but her does got a big 'ol booty and it needs to be little"

Lord, I give up!

OMG

Now I half considered posting about Alec Baldwin and what an assclown he is but as that subject is being discussed everywhere I figured I wouldn't bore you with my feelings about his parenting skills (or lack thereof - oops I just did discuss him didn't I ?)

Moving right along...

Have you seen this yet ?



True Mom Confessions

All I can say is OMG, OMG,OMG. These confessions have taken me through every emotion on the spectrum. I keep going back to see what juicy little tidbits will be posted next. I'm quickly becoming addicted.

In honor of this site, I'll post my own confession here - leave one in the comments if you dare.

I blog and catch up on my favorite blogs when I should be working.

(ha- like you didn't know that already...alright I'm sorry cheesy confession I know)

If you want juicier...head on over there and check it out.

I wish you all the best of weekends! Maybe I'll have something juicier to confess on Monday.

Mwah,

Worker Mommy