Evading Capture

It is a known fact that yours truly has somewhat of a lead foot.

Something about being on the freeway or other open road (i.e- non residential) just makes me want to ride like the wind (cue cheesy 80's song from Christopher Cross)

I discovered Friday that two of my favorite things - the aforementioned "speeding" and running my mouth really do not mix.

So, I'm driving down the road talking to my mom, elated to be on the way to her last chemo session not realizing that I'm going a little faster than the posted speed limit.
When all of a sudden I notice two motorcycle cops to my left.

Like an idiot, I do that which they tell you never to do and that I've cursed others before for doing, and that was to slam on my brakes.

Well duh, I might as well have gotten out of the car , and danced naked on my hood saying "Stop Me, Stop Me".

Sure enough, I see Poncharello pulling out from his parked position (aka speed trap) and pulling in right behind me. I continue driving knowing it is just a matter of time before he turns on that damn siren and I'll need to pull over.

And then it happens. Going 53 in a 35. Damn, Damn, Damn !

As I attempt to reach over to get my registration I realize my mom's knees are in the way and perched atop her knees is the sheet cake that she'd bought to take to the staff in the Oncology Infusion Center.

"Who's birthday ?" Ponch asks
"No ones " my Mom says " Its for the staff in the Oncology Infusion Center. I have my last chemo treatment today"
(Go Mom!!)
"Oh, are you kicking its butt ?"
"What?" my Mom asks.
"The cancer"
"I'm definitely trying"

He then looks at a frantic me and says "No need to get your registration"

"Is this your daughter?" he goes back to addressing my Mom.
"Yes"
"Well, you'll give her the lecture on why it's not safe to speed right?"
"Yes" my mom agrees.
Then he proceeds to give me the lecture my mom is supposed to give me and says "You're lucky, you just avoided a $183.00 ticket."

I wanted to stick my tongue in his mouth at that moment. (ok, well not really but I was overjoyed)

So I got off with a warning and promised to pay more attention. Tears of relief streamed down my face because all I could think of was NOT having to tell hubby, who already thinks I can't drive, about the ticket and listening to his condescending drivel words of wisdom about how to properly drive.

I narrowly escaped. Whoot - I would not be joining Paris in a 20 day sentence.

And it was the last day of my Mom's chemo to boot- it didn't get better than that.

So I took that $183 that I would have had to pay for the ticket and my Mom and I shopped 'til we dropped (well maybe we dropped more because of the celebratory wine we drank later- or rather I did )

The Journey

One afternoon last October my mom and I were talking. At the time, she was caring for the twins on a regular basis. She mentioned there was a day she would be unable to care for them because she had a doctors appointment.
I inquired as to whether or not everything was ok. "Sure" I remember her saying. It was just a routine follow up to her annual mammogram.
"This happens all the time" she said. "I have fibrocystic breasts and the doctors always seem to find something and it always turns out to be nothing."

Ok, I thought. She knows her own body. If she's not worried then neither am I.

And so I forgot.

Until I got a call from my sister at work a few days later. Apparently my mom had been trying to get in touch with me but had been unsuccessful. When my sister conferenced my mom in to the call I knew something was going on.

I heard terms such as insitu ductal carcinoma and infilitrating carcinoma. But the question was, what did all these things mean ?

My mom, my sister and I talked for a few minutes more about what would happen next but it was clear we were all overwhelmed and didn't know what any of this meant.

I later found out exactly what those words meant.

It meant that my mother had breast cancer.

I felt powerless. Was this really happening to my mother?

After losing my father suddenly in 1999 my mother had become everything to me and this was so unfair. I wasn't sure this was something I was prepared to handle.

But she was handling it , in fact she was handling it better than I.
So I found myself pulling it together for her. She'd been an exceptional, unwavering support for me over the years and now it was my turn to do the same for her.

And so I prayed. I asked for strength for both myself and my mom. I asked for help in combatting whatever might be next. And most of all I prayed that this disease wouldn't take my mom as heart disease had taken my dad years before.

My mom turned 60 about a month later . We'd talked about her 60th birthday the year before. We discussed huge parties, trips we would take , grandiose celebrations to ring in her 60th year. But that was put on hold. For we knew that
three days after my Mom's birthday she would undergo a bilateral mastectomy.

I hadn't really allowed myself to cry until the day after her surgery. Everything had been surreal up until that point and only when I saw my normally vibrant mom lying in that bed, weak and in pain from major surgery it was more than I could bare.

But we weathered that. She weathered it. With amazing strength and pride. She got through it.
When I felt she was ready to talk about it. I asked her how she felt about losing her breasts. "Well, they were diseased and that was something I didn't need in my body". Her response was so healthy I was just in awe. And at those moments when I felt so sad for her and questioned why she had to go through this ordeal she picked me up. I remember her saying "I have to live life for today because tomorrow is not promised but while I'm here I will live life to the fullest"

Then Christmas was upon us but we had little time to soak in the moments for we knew that three days later my mom would start chemotherapy.

She started with a drug commonly referred to as AC .Its job: to kill diseased cells. Only, it doesn't distinguish between cancer cells and other cells. Particularly hair. Two weeks to the day after she started the drug her hair started to fall out in clumps. My mom had worked hard to grow her hair to her shoulders and it fell out in a matter of days.
At one point my mom went out and got a sassy wig. But now she rarely wears it. Instead she wears a pink bandana. She wants the world to know she is fighting this disease and she is surviving it.

And today we've reached another milestone in this journey. Today, June 8 2007 marks the end of my mom's chemotherapy treatment. And that is something to shout about. She endured 8 weeks of one drug and 12 weeks of another. The first caused nausea , extreme exhaustion, diarrhea, mouth sores and a whole host of other side effects. The second drug Taxol that she's had to take weekly for the last 12 weeks caused extreme exhaustion, muscle aches and neuropathy.

It's been a long road but we've made it.

She's made it and tonight we'll celebrate. We will celebrate her character, her strength and her ability to stare down this evil disease and fight it with both fists.

My mom has breast cancer.

Breast Cancer does not have her.

The Anniversary Update

So I'm blue no more as I just got back from a 2 hour lunch at this place. To die for food and great restaurant concept.

I don't typically like to eat a heavy lunch during the work week but since it was on the 'ol bosses dime I splurged and got Flat Iron Steak with Bleu Cheese Sauce and then I topped that off with the Strawberry Rhubarb Fruit Crumble a la mode. Oh and a Diet Coke (my nectar of the Gods...well really I would have preferred wine but drunken Worker Mommy and workplace would not make for a good combination)

Lunch was filled with congratulatory messages and stories of ass crazy people that asked my boss for pee to drink several years ago. (Uh yeah, really)

All in all it was good clean fun and I didn't even whine about how the celebration was three days late

Excluding the fact that I was almost run over by a bike courier while attempting to cross the street on the way back to work it was a great way to finally commemorate my 5th anniversary.
Well, excluding the near death experience and the fact that I still haven't received my damn service award.

Aaah baby steps right.

Now that you've been properly updated I shall crawl under my desk and sleep off the carb coma.

Love In an Elevator

Someone please tell me that there is more of an available dating pool than the workplace.

I have to hope so, because dating in the workplace can often be disastrous . Working with someone you've recently become romantically involved with can cause a whole host of problems especially when the relationship ends and you and your ex-partner hate the sight of one another yet are continually forced to see one another in the halls.

Believe me, I've seen those things go sour. One such coupling of two young students resulted in a sexual harassment claim from the dumper against the dumpee. It was ugly folks. Very ugly!

I personally can't imagine working with hubby. I think the reason I love him so much is because we don't work together.

Anyone who says "I could spend every waking hour with my partner" flat out lies. Even the most insanely in love couple needs their time apart. I mean c'mon lets be real here.

So, I arrived at work this morning at the same time as Mike and Maggie two students who were previously unknown to one another prior to working here. We all boarded the elevator together. Seconds in to the ride Mike handed something to Maggie then continued to stand a mere millimeters from her face .

Wow, I thought Mike really doesn't have any respect for Maggie’s personal space. He must be making her feel really uncomfortable.

Then I heard it. Lips smacking together.

Did they just kiss? I’m thinking. Or am I still sleeping and having one of those dreams where you think you've gotten up and are at work (and then freak when you realize you're still in bed in your pjs).

Then they did it again. Eeew...get a room, Uhh hello,yeah hi. Hi Worker Mommy standing right here.

I was a bit surprised at their boldness. I would think they would want to keep their new romance quiet and perhaps not publicize it in front of HR...but they are of course entitled to do whatever they wish.

Of course I'm not opposed to kissing and I’m not a complete grinch. If this is what they want then I wish them well.

But damn, all I could think of was here we go again - another couple that met on the job and are both going to wind up in my office later when the shit goes awry
*sigh*

No Fanfare, No Ticker Tape Parade, No Celebratory Gala

Sadly my 5 year anniversary here came and went. I didn't even post about it yesterday because...well, I didn't have anything exciting to tell.

There was no champagne cocktail waiting on my desk,no balloons or confetti, nor was there an email from my boss saying "Dear Worker Mommy, Take the day off. You've earned it. In fact here's a 15% raise because you kick so much ass."

No none of that.

Not even my cheap certificate, pin and catalogue full of cheesy gifts to select from to commemorate the occasion. It was just a plain old work day like any other.

You may be saying five years , that's nothing. But for me folks,it is. It is indeed as this is the longest I've been with any employer. So it's simply HUGE.

But I digress, back to the pity party.

In honor of this auspicious occasion I shall celebrate with you my blogosphere pals
and I can't think of any better way to begin the festivities then to share highlights of my 5 years here:

1)Worked on a laptop recruiting candidates while extremely large, extremely uncomfortable,extremely pregnant and on bedrest - in a hospital no less (wait, please hold your applause)

2)Co-pioneered the now legendary summer celebration in which we pick a theme, close down the street in front of our building and party like rockstars

3)Was voted Oustanding Staff in 2004 (wait, wait, please get up off the floor its not that funny)

4)Took part in the resolution of several employee relations nightmares (my personal fave: the employee that was using company email to make dates to have sex in the bathroom )

5)After 4.5 years of "cubing" it I lobbied for my own office and "won"

I'm sure there are many more fabulous things that yours truly accomplished but you get the idea (really I swear...I used to be am a good employee).

Ok, I guess I haven't been completely honest. There was some recognition today from my boss and she did suggest we celebrate but that was only after I sent her an email requesting time off and putting in the following "Btw, my vacation accrual just increased as my 5 year anniversary was yesterday."

So cheers to me for making it this far. Now that I've gained enough sympathy gifts can be sent to:

Worker Mommy
c/o Sucky Company that Doesn't Recognize Important Events
1234 We Bite Ln
Seattle, WA 00000

If the Punishment Should Fit the Crime

What the hell do I do about the fact that my 4 year old son peed on his sister last night.

Not that I necessarily believe that all punishments should fit the crime and not that I'm trying to get in to a big political debate here this just happened to be something that ran through my head last night after the whole event went down.

It was just before bath time and I told the kids to go take off their clothes and I'd be in momentarily to help them with their bath.

Shortly thereafter, J comes down the hall in to the kitchen where I'm sweeping and I can see that her t-shirt is soaked.

"B, peed on me" she says through tears.

"He what?" I asked in disbelief.

Disgusted I went back in the bathroom with her to confront the little urine spraying bandit.

There he stood just finishing up , pants down at the pot and told me "Mommy, I didn't do it"

Besides the obvious factors that ratted him out, I'd seen him pee in the pool the day before and pee in the grass that very morning. So I knew he saw it as a toy and was pleased that with proper aim he could get that stuff to go just about anywhere he wanted it to.

I proceded to tell him how utterly disgusting that was and how disappointed I was but then I had to rack my brain to think of what else I could do to emphasize the severity of the situation.

Usually taking a related privilege away works fairly well with him. For instance if he can't play nice with a particular toy then that toy gets taken away. But, yeah, I guess thats really not an option. (Oh how I miss the days when he was a baby - before he knew the "powers" of his penis)

Thats when my mind wondered to the punishment fitting the crime disciplinary method and I almost wanted to laugh.

Probably not appropriate in this situation.

Yeah lets save the kid from years and years of therapy.

So as much as his sister probably would have liked to have peed right back on him she was happy enough to tell him she was angry, hear him apologize and then B was sent to his room 1 hour earlier than his normal bedtime, without a story and was immediately to go to bed.

Yes, I think that made for a much better solution.

My Cleavage is not your Play Place

Summer is finally here and I'm overjoyed. I love spending time outdoors and feeling the warmth of the sun on my skin.

I also can't help but like the fact that along with summer comes a new wardrobe.
I mean I certainly wouldn't want to wear a long sleeve crew neck shirt in 80 degree weather would I ?

Someone else likes the new wardrobe too.

That someone would be my son B. He loves that mom has different clothes on because it's enabled him to find a new toy.And that would be my cleavage.

Yep, you heard me my cleavage.

I think B discovered it the other day while a tank top clad me was holding him. It must have looked inviting because that little bugger stuck his finger in there and of course it was while I just happened to be talking to someone. She pretended not to notice.

I on the other hand couldn't.

"Honey," I said "Those are Mommy's privates and you shouldn't do that" I said as I put him down.

A few days later, as I was sitting next to him on the couch the temptation was there again ,I guess. This time,though, he heeded my warning about putting his finger down there.

Instead he thought it might be fun to put a couple of pennies in to his new "toy" .

I retrieved the change and again told him "B,you know Mommy told you not to do that"
Never one to back down from a challenge he waited several minutes until I'd forgotten and then proceeded to try and drop a small toy in the old cleave.

"Ok," I said "That's enough! I know it seems funny , but these are Mommy's privates and not toys"

Later I was telling hubby and asking if I should be worried. "Is our son a perv ?" I asked.

"No" he says exaggeratedly to let me know he thought I was off my rocker.

"I was just kidding," I said "I know he's just a little boy and he's still learning"

"Right" Hubby said, "Besides, if you don't want him to play in there then maybe you shouldn't make them so tempting"

and before I could respond he said

"I kind of want to put a few things in there myself" *wink*

Then it was all clear to me, how on earth could I expect B to be um "normal" when his dad is the biggest perv of them all.