Wife, Mother...Thief ?

I was just commenting yesterday on a post in which someone wrote about shopping trips with the toddler set being a nightmare.

In the past, I've had several trips that had been such torture for me that in fact I began to despise grocery shopping and refused to do it with the twins. Now that they are older its not nearly as bad but I still try and make my shopping trips with them brief when I'm without hubby for reinforcement.

Last night as I drove home from work, I tried to visualize the contents of my refrigerator in hopes that some magical ingredient I'd previously not thought about would materialize and enable me to make the most spectacular dinner.
But wish as I might I knew that ingredient didn't exist and so I resolved to stop in to the store quickly before going home.
There is a new market I've been wanting to check out for some time so I decided I'd finally pay it a visit .
The trip started uneventfully enough. Sure we had a brief argument about which twin would sit where in the cart but it was short lived and I was instantly enticed by all the pretty vegetables, and next to that was the most divine cheese and wine display. Maybe this trip wouldn't be such a short trip after all I thought.

Kids happy - check, kids bladders emptied - check , cell phone on in case hubby starts to wonder where we are - check.

Things seemed to be in order so I took my time and casually threw things in to my cart that struck my fancy.
When we finally reached the checkout the kids had had enough. They had began to call the checkout girl banana head (you see that's B's new thing he takes any word and puts the word head behind it and it sends him into a fit of giggles, me...not so much.)
I was eager to get them out of there and realized that I was playing with fire by keeping them in there for too long.

Only when I had gotten out of the store and to my car, taken both kids out of the cart and buckled them in to car seats did I realize that tucked underneath J's blankie was a carton of grape tomatoes. Oops, what to do ? Do I rush back in and tell them or do I make a run for it. By that time the kids had gotten cranky as it was hot, my cars ac is broken and both they and I had enough.
So I sped off , with the thought that I will return tomorrow to pay for the ill-gotten tomatoes.
Yep, hi I'm Worker Mommy and I'm a shoplifter.

I know, I know...I'm seriously goin to hell for this one.

Because I'm Lame or Busy...You Pick

This is all I'm posting today.




I got this in an email forward entitled "How to Pay Bills when you're Pissed". I have to say I am rather amused by it. Besides it would have worked wonders when the Power Company did this to me.

Ethnic Elvis, Does it get any cooler than that ?

After a short relatively uneventful flight we stepped in to the 100 degree heat and waited for our shuttle. All I could think about was dinner and a shower as I'd unintentionally skipped lunch that day because of the timing of my flight.

But as soon as I set sight on all the glitz and glamour that is Vegas I forgot about everything and just wanted to settle in freshen up and then hit the town. 100 degree temps be damned.

I've been to Vegas twice before and each time I've stayed at a different hotel. This time New York, New York would be my home for the next few days.

Let me say now that I loved my room, I called hubby and told him I wasn't coming back anytime soon. I had two lush queen beds and a sitting area and while it wasn't nearly the bling that all the celebs are treated to it was just fine for ol' WM here.

I quickly pulled myself together and headed out. I met back up with my boss and we ate at Il Fornaio and let me tell you I'm a huge fan of Italian food. Italian food and wine. Our table was next to a canal and trees (even though it was indoors) and I delighted in watching all the people that passed by. I saw everything from elegant to rode hard and put away wet, hottie to hooker, you name it I saw it and I was loving every minute of it.

After dinner we walked around to check out the town.

Outside a bar in the Exalibur I noticed him. It was an African-American Elvis. In true tourist-y fashion I pulled out my digital cam and tried to snap his pic.

He says loudly "Oh no, no pics unless you go in and have a shot". Of course I knew I didn't really need to do a shot to take his pic but I pretended to play along. This shot , whatever the hell it was was the size of 2 shots and the bartender at one point stuck a straw in it because he told me that I was taking too long. He was quite entertaining in a surly kind of way. He told my boss that she could not sit at the bar if she didn't take a shot and that she had to stand 15 steps back. Of course his game was to get her to buy a shot but she kept saying she couldn't party like she used to.

At one point, when he kept hounding her about moving she said something like "we're HR and we know the law" I think she thought it was funny. But I'm thinking "Shut the hell up, have a shot, it's funny, you're in Vegas baby!". But she didn't and she didn't step away from the bar so I guess they compromised and she was made to wear a 3 foot tall paper hat that said "I got fired from the M & M's factory for throwing away all the W & W's" or something like that (which I captured on film and fully intend on posting on our company intranet one day).
The shot had me a little weak in the knees but I finally got my picture with Elvis. I'm framing it and sending it on my Christmas cards. So wait by your mailboxes.

The evening continued on much like that. More wine, a little gambling , and then we watched a band called the Phoenix do some great rock covers.

I rolled into bed early that night because I knew my first seminar for my conference started at 7:00 a.m. The first day was ok, except I made the mistake of not getting breakfast before leaving the hotel (I don't like breakfast too early in the morning). So I stood in some monumentally disorganized line in the only restaurant at the convention center for runny eggs and dried potatoes.

That night I again met up with my boss for dinner. This time we ate at Wolfgang Pucks in the Venetian hotel. Let me tell you, I so love meals on the companies dime. Incredibly yummy food and positively enchanting wines. After dinner we typsily (you like how I make up my own words) walk back to the hotel. And man is it a trek from the Venetian to New York, New York and even worse in the heat.

It almost wrecked my buzz.

When we reached the hotel, my boss told me she was heading up to her room because she was tired and old and couldn't party anymore.

I however, refused to believe that about myself. So all by my lonesome I went to find adventure. As luck would have it I found some 24 year olds celebrating a birthday and intruded on their fun. They graciously allowed me to hang with them so as not to look like such a complete loser.
Many drinks and a little bit of dancing later, I took my leave of them knowing it was getting late and I had to get up to go to another 7:00 a.m. class. But those machines are just so bright and shiny I detoured and parked my tush at one of those shiny slot machines and promptly lost $10. I don't like losing... so I switched to Roulette. Where I quickly lost $20. I decided it really was time for bed at that point. No, $30 isn't much, but that money could have been better spent shopping.
They have some absolutely fabulous shopping in Vegas, you know ? Its almost as good as Rodeo Drive (I'm guessing anyway since I've never been there).
My fave: the designer Childrens boutique where a capri set was $186.00.
Umm , yeah. I love me some B & J but it ain't happenin.

My last night of partying in Vegas we began with dinner at a Seafood restaurant in Paris and again the food was simply divine. It thundered while we ate inside the hotel. I love that you can get the effect of being outside while inside. That way I can still look cute ...because if I really sat outside I'd be pouring sweat onto my plate.
Mmm tasty.
We ordered a bottle of wine with dinner and my boss drank half a glass and then told me to drink the rest. I couldn't let her down so I did. It was a lovely house mix of Chardonnay,Gewurtziminer and Sauvingon Blanc and I fell in love.

On the way back to our hotel we noticed a Chinese restaurant/bar with a sign outside marked "Drag Queen Parking Only". Well of course we just had to stop in. This was one of the most fabulous drag shows ever. And sadly most of the boys were prettier than me.

This was probably my most drunken night because I had more wine at the show and then did some druken souvenir shopping and chatted the hell out of the cashiers who I'm sure were thinking " will someone please remove this drunk bitch" but I didn't care.

Back at the hotel, my boss again left me and I went in search o' fun. It was my last night there and I had to do it in style. Some gambling, some listening to a band and a margarita later I was through. So I headed up to my room and changed for bed.
As I sat in bed something told me I was missing out on something. So I headed back downstairs in my pajamas no less and gambled a little more.

I was really feeling it the next morning. I know I won't drink like that ever again.

Ok, who am I kidding , I'm already making plans with hubby, mom, some friends and Worker Twin to head back in a few months.

Then I can really party like a Rockstar.

What makes you a Woman?

As my mom and I sat discussing a program we'd both seen on transgender females yesterday my mom said" You know I really understand where they are coming from"

Intrigued, I listened intently for the follow up. She continued on to say "Here I am, bald, no breasts, no uterus (my mom had a hysterectomy several years ago) and I couldn't feel more female. Being female is a state of mind. So I completely understand what they are saying. Your body doesn't define who you are. It's what you feel"

And while that makes absolute sense, I realized at that moment that I'd never really thought of being female as a state of mind.

It's just how I was born. I’m physically a female and thus I'd never given it any deeper consideration. Until now.

I'd like to think that my being female is also a state of mind and not just what exists physically. But then I have hair and I have breasts and I have my female reproductive organs intact. I’ve never had to think about what losing those things might do to my self image.

Would I still feel like a woman if I didn't have those things?

Would you?

Randomly Random

So the bold, beautiful, badass Badoozie tagged me for a random factoid meme a while back and I'm just now getting around to it.

Why ? Well because I'm either a)lazy b)didn't want to do it c)crazy busy and have little time to think about seven fun little factoids or d) all of the above.

But I figured I'd better get to it. Or much like the evil that befalls you if you fail to forward a chain letter I'm pretty sure something bad will happen to me if I fail to complete this meme-especially since Ms. Badoozie is prone to stabbing people .

So here it is in all its glory seven randomly, random facts about yours truly:

1) I was a vegetarian for 9 years. In fact I still enjoy eating non meat meals. But I gotta say I've grown to love me some meat (my sister is probably hurling right now. Sorry Worker Twin)

2)Punctuation and I don't get along. Especially commas. I want to put them everywhere. Thank goodness English teachers aren't reading my blog.

3)I was voted Most Expressive/Creative in High School. How sad that I'm old and unimaginative now.

4)I like to watch true crime documentaries (A&E's Cold Case Files, American Justice and 48 Hours Investigates).I'm always appalled and disgusted at what I'm seeing and hearing yet I continue to watch them.

5)I've been known to go to a Monster Jam (Monster Truck Rally) event every now and then and truly have a good time ( I have hubby to thank for that- it wasn't really something I dug before meeting Mr. Worker Mommy)

6)I often smile at people I don't know when walking down the street. I usually find people to be quite friendly in the Seattle area but when I'm on the East Coast visiting my sisters or just last week when I was in Vegas people looked at me like I'd just dropped in from Mars when I flashed them my pearlies. I think they might have thought I was going to mug them.

7)I have a favorite number. I'm not all obsessive and weird about it. I've just decided the number 12 rocks. After all yours truly arrived on the scene 12/12. And my 40th birthday just happens to be on 12/12/12. Often times when I look up at the clock it just happens to be 12:12...(cue Twilight Zone music).

Now that I've sufficiently bored the bejeezus out of you I do want to tag 7 others...just 'cause its fun to know random stuff about people.

So I tag: Brillig, Southern Fried Mom, Lollie , Ally , Domestically Disabled Girl, Queen Heather from the Island of Shake Shake and Jennifer aka Binky Bitch
(please, please oblige me y'all for I have no other source of entertainment at the moment)


Happy 4th to One & All!

Damn You Quarters, Why must you be so Shiny ?

I'm sure that must have been what my little boy was thinking just before he ingested the smooth, shiny temptations.

I typed out the story of my son's ordeal and then deleted it.

I wanted to share it. In fact, I wanted to write it down in hopes that it would be therapeutic. In hopes that it would help me forgive myself for the fact that I let a nurse convince me that B hadn't swallowed quarters. You see he briefly mentioned something about a quarter to my mom when the original episode happened. Seconds later when she asked if he swallowed a quarter he said "No". Upon calling the Dr's office I was told "The fact that he's vomitting and able to speak tells me that he didn't swallow a quarter".
I regret trusting those words, I regret not trusting my little boy, I regret not immediately bringing him to the ER. I regret that he was miserable during those few days we thought that it was a stomach virus with sore throat as told to us by our pediatrician. I regret that I was on an airplane and not with my child when he had that scary procedure to retrieve the quarters. I regret so much.
I've re-lived the event in my head several times and all I see is my little boy miserable , unable to eat, speak or drink while the quarters were lodged in his throat and we didn't know.
But for as much as I've felt like a horrible parent over these last few days there's this little boy that still loves me, that has the most infectious laugh, brilliant smile ,sharp wit and he's healthy and I get the pleasure of being his mom.
So I know I have to focus on that and not would of , should've and could have. I have to focus on the present... but I can't forget the past.
I will be vigilant in his healthcare and I will listen to what he says and most importantly I won't automatically trust what a health care professional says just because he/she is a health care professional.

I'm sorry, B, mommy won't ever let you down like that again.

Can you tell I've been absolutely plagued with guilt ? I've been able to laugh a little and have certainly had the discussion with B about not putting anything in his mouth other than food. But deep down it makes me sad to think about the situation. So if anyone wants to share any horrible parenting moments with me so that I don't feel like at any second my parenting license should be revoked I'm all for it.

And with that, I'll return tomorrow less guilt ridden (hopefully) and out of the depths of despair and will treat you to a meme Badoozie tagged me for a while back in which I'll showcase all of the randomness that makes me fabulous.

And I might even share some of my Vegas escapades.

So...Y'all come back now y'hear!

Warning Graphic Images Follow...Only Probably not the kind you're Hoping For

You may be wondering what in the hell happened to me... Did she party too much ? Is she passed out in the desert somewhere never to be seen again , where is that darn Worker Mommy you might be asking right about now.

Because I can't bare to have you worry like that I stopped by to share some photos with you.

Only they're probably not what you had hoped for.

Vegas was absolutely fabulous (minus the ordeal depicted below)... but more on that later.

I have a crazier story to share.



What is this you might ask?




Well, this would be two quarters being retrieved from my son B's throat. Yes, my son swallowed two quarters and they became lodged in his esophagus. He's absolutely fine now minus a little throat irritation but it was scary to say the least.

I shall share the ordeal in my next post. I know I owe memes and I promise I'll get to them but for now I gotta end the madness here at work and go pick up my little 50 Cent (uh I mean B).