Monday, December 29, 2008

C'mere, I wanna tell you a little secret

My birth control was trying to kill me.

Since the birth of my children 5 years ago I've had many a birth control woe.
I've tried, or tried to try just about everything.

Mirena IUD. Nope not a candidate., I've tried the Nuva Ring (I was always conscious of it's existence). I've tried pills. All sorts of them,and while for the most part they've been the best solution they just don't seem to be as effective if you,uh, forget to take them every day.
So, short of sterilization, a plunge which I'm not quite ready to take (and neither is hubby) I've been at a loss as to what to do so as not to be a baby factory (you know because I like to have 'em two at a time and stuff).

Then came a pill. The pill. The pill that would free me from a monthly period and instead only make me have to experience that hell four times a year.
Mind you, this wasn't the first time I'd heard of this particular pill but this was the first time the generic became available and my insurance covered it at a normal copay as opposed to the $130 copay they tried to rob me of before .

So I began it and the first two months were lovely.

Then I started to experience what could only be described as a heart flutter. It felt almost as if my heart skipped a beat. This happened sporadically for about 2 days and when I'd finally decided to panic it stopped. But then the night sweats began.
I didn't associate one with the other. I assumed the night sweats were because it had gotten colder and I was wearing more pajamas and doubling up on blankets. But after a week of being disgusted with it happening every night I realized this was not ordinary for me. I've always bundled up during the winter months and never woke up swimming before.
Then the painful whitehead on my lip came.

Convinced I was dying I went on the internet to try and figure out what I'd be succumbing to and how much time I had.

In the process of trying to accept my fate, I was wracking my brain trying to think of any recent changes I'd made in my life which might lead to such odd symptoms. Then it hit me.
Maybe it's the hormones from the pill.

So I Googled "Jolessa side effects" and quickly found a multitude of sites where others have had those symptoms and more. Right along side those symptoms I found another common side loss.

Can you imagine the walking beauty paegant I'd be then ? Mouth zits, night sweats and bald patches. Now, that's hawt.
Needless to say, I've discontinued the pill and will now be in search of something else.
Ideas anyone ?

Monday, December 22, 2008

So, I'd write a lot more if I wasn't buried under a foot of snow

I know I should be filled with Christmas cheer but really I feel like shoving my foot up someone's arse. Seriously, being trapped by the white stuff is driving me batty.
So until I can play nice I'm going to stay silent.

Until then,please talk amongst yourselves. Oh here's a fun topic... I might have a fun little giveaway for couples coming up soon...*wink*wink* know what I mean. Let me know how you'd feel about that. And for those of you that may be feeling a little dense, yes I'm talking about S-E-X and maybe giving away something to spice up your life in the boudoir.

Now then, I'll be back soon eventually.



Wednesday, December 17, 2008

Seattle, we might have to break up.

Dear Seattle,

I do not have time for this identity crisis you are going through. You are not the Artic. So please quit acting like it. Frankly, the fact that you have subjected your inhabitants to below freezing temperatures and crazy ridiculous wind chill factors for the past several days makes me want to kick you in the balls, or spit in your eye.

Seriously. Enough already.

What's more,the fact that you're showing no signs of trying to change and have decided my neighborhood looks pretty disguised as an ice skating rink doesn't sit well with me. Particularly since I am a procrastinator and have yet to have the kids pictures taken with Santa and have yet to finish my Christmas shopping. When you do these kinds of things, I can't do what I need to do and that makes me dislike you immensely.

So for the sake of preserving our 12+ year relationship, stop the madness.


Thursday, December 11, 2008

I iz 36

Well not technically. Technically, I'm 36 tomorrow.

But I just happened to be online downloading software for my new Zune, courtesy of hubby (and yes that was shameless bragging),and I thought what the hell I'm going to start celebrating my birfday on my blog, early because I can.

I love's the one holiday that's all about me. The one day were I can pull a lot of shit and people will put up with it just because. The one day where my family has to wait on me hand and foot and not give me any lip. Yeah, birfdays rule.

So to kick off my 36th, I'm going to sing myself a little song.

Feel free to sing along if you know the words.

Happy birthday to you me
I live in a zoo zee
I smell like a monkey
and I look like one too tee.

(well it doesn't work if it doesn't rhyme)

Happy Birfday to me and all that jazz.


Hugs and kisses to you all, my cyber homies


Monday, December 8, 2008

Too awesome not to post

I have no words. But seriously you have to head on over there and check it out for yourself.

Truly... better then anything I would have posted today

Thursday, December 4, 2008

Oh mah gawd, my morning was so awesome.

I overslept which led to needing to run to catch the bus. But I made it. I was out of breath and near passing out when I boarded said bus but I'd make it to work on time and that was all that mattered.
Once we started our journey I heard all kinds of abnormal rattling and the bus engine seemed to be running rough but the bus driver wasn't making any announcements and continued to drive so I decided to just close my eyes , tune it out and not worry.

I was so delighted when about five miles later we had to pull over on the freeway, because: guess what "engine troubles".
After said announcement we all sat and waited for 15 minutes with no heat for more news. The news, when it finally came, was that we would all have to disembark, ON THE FREEWAY.

After managing to sidestep all the vehicles coming directly at me at warp speed I boarded a new bus ,found a seat and tried to get comfortable.

The woman that decided to sit next to me called whomever to tell them she was running late and I thought it ruled that she had stank mouth and every time she uttered a word I'd get a huge whiff of de funk.

It was also particularly pleasant that her conversation was long and she did most of the talking. I tried my best to turn my head and hold my breath without passing out.

In the end, I made it to work...late.

Awesome, I tell you, simply awesome.

Monday, December 1, 2008

Because if i gotta be grossed out , dammit you're going to be grossed out too

Sanity prevailed and I skipped Black Friday in favor of slumber. Slumber and a veterinary appointment for the newest member of our family, Casey, a golden retriever mix that has taken to trying to french kiss me every morning.

Minus the attempted tongue action, she's a cool little gal with a face that could melt Satan's heart and she seems to fit right into the WM family chaos.

The veterinary appointment went along with out incident until the vet brought up the heartworm test. I knew she was going to ask me to bring in a fecal sample... which frankly, I'm so not down. The vet suprised me when she said she could try and check for fecal matter when she took Casey in the back to "chip" her.

Sweet I thought. I don't have to go in the backyard and mine for turds. The vet will discreetly retrieve some.

This appointment was getting better and better.

The vet stepped out for a bit,then returned with the vet tech and gave Casey a quick rabies shot. Then before I could say "Boo", they molested my dog.
And retrieved the fecal matter me.

And the highlight: are you ready ? when the doctor pulled out her gloved hand and showed me what she'd retrieved.

I'm pretty sure TomGirl threw up in her mouth a little

Yeah. Good times. It was a lovely topper to a fine Thankgsiving day.

And that is my story, and suprisingly I don't feel nearly as repulsed as I did prior to writing this post.

Aah,it's all about sharing the love, my friends.

You're welcome