Tuesday, July 31, 2007

Can somebody please remove the vise clamp from my uterus

I came to work today with a spring in my step because in reality I didn't look half bad. I'd dressed up a little more today than I normally would complete with a sassy black and white skirt, and Liz Claiborne heels. A little chestnut lip liner and Oh Baby Lip Glass completed the package and well... you know I was kinda rockin' the hip fashionista business woman look today.

I spent the first several hours of the day in a meeting. Although it was long, it culminated in a trip to the Cheescake Factory so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I chitchatted easily with the two women as I shoved Pasta Da Vinci in my face (Clue # 1: carb cravings)
Things were going generally well today. Nothing like the past several days which had been exhausting.

Good sign, I thought. Now I'll head back to my office and get several things done and leave satisfied and fulfilled.

Cue record scratching sound

Somehow once I stepped foot back in to my building I hated everyone.

When my co-worker came to me asking for assistance I condescendingly said "Well I can help if you really think you need it"

When my boss came and asked me if I had a second I said "I guess so" and tuned her out mid sentence.

And just now I received an email from the CFO asking for some reports. Oh and did I mention he needs them tomorrow and its after the time I normally leave. I quickly shut down email ignoring it and when I heard his voice outside my door I quickly shut it so as to not be accosted and asked to put my home life on hold to finish his report.

After I closed my door, I thought , that was rather rude of me. I might be fiesty but I'm generally accomodating in the workplace.

And then they hit. The cramps that I'd compare to someone putting my uterus in a vise and tightening the clamp and releasing , tightening it and releasing it, tightening and...well you get the point.

In the craziness that is life, I completely forgot that July is ending and August is approaching. So that means I will soon be visited by Aunt Flo, that whore. Man she's one gal I'd beat the tar out of if I could.

Now, if you'll excuse me, I must go OD on Midol.

Monday, July 30, 2007

Let Me Not Blog About

....the fact that my daughter threw up three times Saturday morning

....the fact that my son's left eye swelled up like one of those rubber bouncy balls one gets from the gumball machine

.....that fact that the swelling in his left eye subsided but his right eye was practically swollen shut this morning

....the fact that my mom came down with a mild case of pneumonia and I spent all last night at urgent care with her...and the twins.

....the fact that I drove to work, met with a new hire, left work, picked up swollen eyed son (or Puff Daddy as hubby calls him)from FMCP's (Family Member/Care Provider), drove back to work to have Puff Daddy seen by pediatrician, drove PD back to FMCP's and then drove back to work again and finished up my work day.

Naw...let me not blog about any of that because then it will remind me of how truly tired I am.

But if you felt like giving me a cyber pat on the back, or raising your glass to me in a cyber toast or even sewing me a cape with an S for supermom on it. I wouldn't be at all opposed.

Friday, July 27, 2007

Recognizing Shoes

Yesterday before leaving work, I decided it best to pop into the bathroom to avoid any accidents on my long commute home.

Once in the stall, I immediately looked at the floor of the stalls on either side of me. One pair red and tan tennis shoes, one pair black sandals. Check.

Then I listened intently. Red & tan finished up first and exited the stall. I watched Red & Tan walk toward the sinks and assumed I'd soon hear the sound of water faucets . But no. Red & Tan exited the bathroom.

And sadly that happens quite often at my workplace.

Hence my uh foot fetish...I mean my need to recognize shoes.

Because dammit I want to know whose hand not to shake, whose food not to eat at the potluck and most of all I want to know who to run away from screaming when invited to their home for tea and crumpets (because if they're this nasty at work, they've got to be exponentially nastier at home...oh and yes I get invited to tea and crumpets quite often if you're wondering)

Washing hands after using the terlit - $3.00 (1.50 water usage, 1.00 soap usage, $0.50 for paper towel)

Not washing hands after using the terlit - Shameless! (and dirty and stanky and nasty)

Thursday, July 26, 2007

Smells like Teen Spirit

One of my most favoritest blog peeps, JJ from Gaining Balance did this meme today and for once I actually chose to participate voluntarily rather than being tagged because it sounded mildly fun (translated: I'm busier than hell at work and didn't have time to post about anything else).

High School Spirit Meme

1. Who was your best friend?

Jenny H., she was a grade of ahead of me and was the epitome of punk rock and that was what I wanted to be.

2. Did you play any sports?

Uh, no. I was one of the "alternative" kids and playing sports would just not have been cool.

3. What kind of car did you drive?
Sadly I had no car in High School. I bummed rides from Jenny. In fact I learned how to drive stick shift in her car. I was teased relentlessly for driving her car into someones yard while attempting to learn.

4. It’s Friday night. Where were you?
Tracks. One of the coolest, largest club's in DC that sadly closed a few years ago. You only had to be 18 to get in (although they marked your hand with big X's so you couldn't drink - but we found ways around that) I used my older sister's information and got a fake ID saying I was 18.

5. Were you a party animal?
Without a doubt

6. Were you considered a flirt?

7. Were you in the band, orchestra or choir?

8. Were you a nerd?
No way.

9. Were you ever suspended or expelled?
Yes, sophomore year I got suspended for 3 days for smoking on school grounds

10. Can you sing the fight song?

11. Who was your favorite teacher?
Senior year English teacher. She was sassy and fun and encouraged spirited discussion in class

12. What was your school mascot?
An Atom of all things...

13. Did you go to the Prom?
Yes although I was generally anti-high school I felt like I'd regret it if I didn't.

14. If you could go back, would you?

15. What do you remember most about graduation?
That I forgot to take my 1990 tassle off of my hat before throwing it. So much for that keepsake. That there really wasn't much to do in the way of partying that night because it was in the middle of the week.

16. Where were you on Senior Skip Day?
I'm supposed to remember that ?

17. Did you have a job your senior year?
Yes, although I don't really remember what it was. I think it was telephone customer service.

18. Where did you go most often for lunch?
Senior year a bunch of us grabbed our lunches and headed back to our AP English Class and had what we thought was "intellectual" conversation. Mostly we just sat around and gossiped. We jokingly called it the "Great Thinkers" Club.

19. Have you gained weight since then?
Sadly , yes

20. What did you do after graduation?
College...but partied too much and didn't graduate

21. What year did you graduate?

22. Who was your Senior Prom Date?
My gay best friend, Chip

23. Are you going/did you go to your 10 year reunion?
Heeeeellll NO!

Wednesday, July 25, 2007

What's that thing on your Chest ?

Somehow while camping on the Oregon Coast a couple of weekends ago I managed to get a curling iron burn on my chest (and before you say it, no I do not have chest hair and even if I did I'm confident I wouldn't style it).

Ahem, back to the story...

So I have this burn on my chest that's about the size of the tip of ones thumb.

After the initial pain from the hot iron searing my chest I pretty much forgot about it until two days later when hubby licked his thumb and tried to scrub at it thinking it was dirt.

"Ow," I said loudly as I shrunk away.

"Sorry," he replied. "I thought it was dirt or something"

I quickly realized though that he wasn't the only one that didn't know what it was as I'd begun to get all sorts of strange looks at work.

Because I'd like to think everyone is as nosy as me, I hoped people would ask rather than just stare. But no, they just continued to look and come back and look over and over again under the guise of doing something else. I considered getting a t-shirt made with an arrow pointing to the burn saying "No this is not a fungus, its a burn" Or something to that effect. Anything to get everyone to stop staring at my "chestal" region.

Days passed and the awkward glances continued until a few days ago when our elderly receptionist (the one who always warns me not to come near her when she farts uncontrollably... Thanks, T)came to my office and said "Can I ask you a question? I mean I really don't want to offend you or anything but..."

And before she could finish I said "It's a burn"

"Oh, thank goodness" she said flustered "I thought you got your husband's initials tattooed on your chest"

It was at that point that I fell out of my chair and on to the floor unable to control the laughter.

Ok, well not really. But I did snort a little and then gave her full on permission to slap the beejeezus out of me if I should do something so ridiculous.

Tattoo hubby's initials on my chest, I think not.

My arse, mmm... maybe, but definitely not my chest.

Tuesday, July 24, 2007

I want to be Happy For you...but I'm just not made that way

* Heavy Sigh*

As I've clicked on many of the blogs in my blogroll over the past several days there's been a discussion amongst many of you to which I just can't relate.

And that discussion revolves around getting ready for BlogHer.

Sadly , I won't be at BlogHer and... well I'm just sick over it.

There are so many uber cool peeps that I've encountered in the mere five months I've been blogging ...many I'm really just dying to meet in person. But sadly my dreams of hobknobbing with the elite won't be realized.

Because my blog was created in an effort to help preserve my sanity, I felt it was time that I get out the feeling which I've internalized and is slowly driving me crazy by not releasing it.

And that is...that i.hate.am.jealous.of.each.and.everyone.one.of.you.that.is.going.

So this ,my friends, is my pity party of sorts and my present to myself is this blog badge which I shall not so proudly display on my site.

Aah, that was cathartic.

I'll be ok. I really will.

Don't even give me a second thought.

But if you wanted to get an emergency collection together for me for next year I won't stand in your way.

Monday, July 23, 2007

Mother Nature, Why do you hate me ?

When my mom was a young girl, she and her two sisters hatched a plan to stay up late and wait for the stork in order to beat him senseless. You see my mom is the oldest of seven children and there came a point were she’d had enough and she just wanted "the stork" ,as my grandmother had explained it, to stop dropping off babies at her house.

I really can't say I blame her.

Because right now I'm devising a plan to kick the shit out of somebody that's been a thorn in my side too.

And that somebody is Mother Nature.

It's late July and while just about every other state in the U.S is enjoying a pleasant sunny day we here in Washington have been experiencing rain. All frickin, flarn filth flarn weekend.

Yes, I do live in the Seattle area and yes it does rain quite often...but really not nearly as much as people would like to think and not usually this late in to July.

So Dear Mother Nature,

Before I resort to violence can I ask that you please give me a break here.
I can't afford to travel to a tropical island, nor can I afford medications for year round Seasonal Affective Disorder so please, please let the sun shine down on me.

Know your role. It's almost August. You are supposed to be gracing us with warm rays of sun not gray, drizzly, muggy, madness.

Now, if I do not see immediate improvement I shall proceed with the beat down.


Friday, July 20, 2007

Because I Know you're just Dying to Know what I Look Like

Age this picture about 35 years and there you have it. Ha Ha, sorry fooled you. I'm not quite ready to take the leap of posting a current pic. Besides, I wouldn't want my little bliggity blog here to be the cause of anyone becoming violently ill.

Here's to wishing you the very best of weekends !

Oh yeah, I'm the karate chopping baby on the right.

Thursday, July 19, 2007

Introducing the Perfect Mom...Well Almost

I took the twins to the dentist this morning.

I was a bit worried before going, because while B had handled his prior two visits like a champ ,J had cried each time.

Before we went , I talked with J and told her there wasn't a need to be scared because the dentist was only going to look at her teeth and that even if she did get scared mommy would be right there.

She seemed satisfied and said "Ok, Mommy, I won't cry" and off we went.

When we walked in to the dentists office B & J proceeded to charm the pants off of everyone with choruses of "Hello" and "Nice to meet you" to the staff and other patients in the waiting room.

"They're so cute" I heard from not one but two parents in the waiting room. Silently I hoped that they'd stay "cute". Because I knew that tearing them away from the games and toys in the waiting room could possibly be an all out war.

Moments later the hygienist called us. So I braced myself and said "C'mon guys, its our turn to see the dentist"

"Okay Mom," B says "Okay, Mom" J says as they followed me back to the patient rooms.

Back in the patients area, I waited for the madness to begin as I tried to keep an eye on both children in an area full of stickers, shiny tools and chairs that moved up and down like amusement park rides.
But, to my suprise, they both sat by me and watched intently as the hygienist instructed us on how to properly brush and floss.

When the dentist came, both B & J were attentive and did everything they were instructed to and even thanked him when he was done.
B even went so far as to hug the hygienist.

I was feeling pretty good about myself thinking how I must look to the staff. I mean these children are well behaved, polite, articulate and cute to boot. I am the perfect mommy...I thought patting myself on the back.

Before we left B asked if he could play the video games again for a bit. I reluctantly said yes knowing I needed to head out to work. But, hell who would it hurt. Besides he'd made me look been so good I just couldn't refuse him.

So I let him and his sister play games for about five minutes and let them know at the end of each minute how much time they had. And guess what ? It worked. At the end of five minutes,no fights, no nothing they simply took my hands and headed towards the door but not before saying "Bye, see you next time" to the staff.

I really am the perfect parent I thought as we headed to the car.

Once in the car, still on cloud nine, I looked back at them and said "You guys were so good in the dentists office you deserve a reward" So we headed off to our favorite reward store (aka Dollar Tree).

I was really feeling good about, well, about me and my stellar parenting skills as we sauntered down the aisles looking for the perfect reward.

Until I heard screams and stomping.

I turned around to see my two angels fighting. I mean physically fighting... and over ant killer no less and they were drawing a crowd.

As I quickly tried to control the melee , my shoulders slumped. My little angels had turned in to little devils in 5 minutes flat!

Fuckity, fuck , fuck....I guess thats what I get for being so full of myself in the first place.

That'll teach me to do that again!

Wednesday, July 18, 2007

In Which I take a Sledgehammer and destroy his prized possession

Hubby is a bug enthusiast.

No he doesn't run around with a magnifying glass examining the little creatures that roam the earth. No , he likes a different kind of bug.

The Volkswagon Beetle.

In fact I'd venture to say he's rather obsessed. When I first met hubby I can't tell you how many VW shows, swamp meets and races I went to to appease him. After about the umpteenth show, I finally got to the point where I realized it was more than ok for us to resume our seperate hobbies. Not only was it ok, it was downright necessary for me to maintain my sanity.

For me a car is something I drive. Sure I can appreciate a fast car or a pimped out ride but overall a car is ultimately just something to get me from point A to point B.

But cars are hubby's passion.

Over the years he's owned a couple of different VW bugs. He spends days at a time working on these things. Literally days I tell you. I recall one time he spent the entire weekend switching the steering column from the left side to the right side. Other such times he got up at 7:00 a.m. and was still out in the garage at 1:00 a.m. just tinkering around with his car. Tinkering around with it and getting frustrated and traveling back and forth to the autoparts store.

I don't get it. But I generally keep quiet because I respect his love for them.

Until he bought it. The bane of my existence.

A custom 63 Volkswagon Beetle. Sure, it looks cool and all with its cherry red body kit and blue flame adorned hood.

When he takes it for a drive it definitely draws attention. Which of course hubby just loves.

Over time, he's spent countless hours lowering it, removing the door handles and wiring it so the doors open by remote control, putting a custom racing engine in it and doing small cosmetic things such as adding "eyebrows" above the headlights.

But, here's the thing,even with all this work his prized possession is hardly ever running. In the past 3 years he's only driven it about 4 times. Otherwise, it sits in my garage in some state of disrepair taking up valuable space that could be used for say... a working car.

And to make matters worse when it does run its loud, so loud that it rattles windows. I know hubby guns that engine on purpose.

Over time, he's purchased a couple of different engines , a carburetor, heating unit and who knows what the hell else.
So several hundred dollars and countless hours of time spent on this thing it hasn't been running for the better part of 1 year now.

I really don't get it.

And yesterday when I got home I saw a bill for $250 from a towing company. For towing that sucker 4 miles no less.

Oh, I was furious. I told him he just needed to get rid of it once and for all.

"I know, I should shouldn't I ? " he says in a voice I was almost inclined to believe.

"But then I'm going to need to get a boat," he says calmly.


I f*ckin' give up!

Tuesday, July 17, 2007

Here I am, Rockin' you Like a Hurricane

Or so says Queen of the Mayhem , Amy of Butrfly Garden & Shauna of Pass the Chocolate .

Well, I added the "like a hurricane" part. But, tell me... is there any other way to rock ?
Yes, these fine fabulous rockin chicks nominated me for the Rockin' Girl Blogger Award.

And because I still have a bit of vacay brain I'm lacking the motivation to do anything other than sit on mine arse today and dream about my next trip (not sure where I'm going but I've decided I'm traveling again before year end).

So my friends, this sad excuse for a post is all you get today as my mind is failing to leave the sun, sand and fun of the Oregon Coast.

Now....I would nominate some other folks but I'm sure you all already know how very much I think y'all rock.

Well that and good lord, is there anyone out there that hasn't been nominated ?

Wednesday, July 11, 2007

I'm off to see the Wizard

Or something like that anyway. I'm off to the Oregon Coast for hubby's family reunion. And yes, in case you're wondering I do still look like this. *sigh* I have no discipline.

That's it for me. I'll return Tuesday.

Oh and if you're just dying to read something riveting while I'm away check out the hot discussion over at Brillig's site. Good stuff!

Ta for now.

Tuesday, July 10, 2007

Wife, Mother...Thief ?

I was just commenting yesterday on a post in which someone wrote about shopping trips with the toddler set being a nightmare.

In the past, I've had several trips that had been such torture for me that in fact I began to despise grocery shopping and refused to do it with the twins. Now that they are older its not nearly as bad but I still try and make my shopping trips with them brief when I'm without hubby for reinforcement.

Last night as I drove home from work, I tried to visualize the contents of my refrigerator in hopes that some magical ingredient I'd previously not thought about would materialize and enable me to make the most spectacular dinner.
But wish as I might I knew that ingredient didn't exist and so I resolved to stop in to the store quickly before going home.
There is a new market I've been wanting to check out for some time so I decided I'd finally pay it a visit .
The trip started uneventfully enough. Sure we had a brief argument about which twin would sit where in the cart but it was short lived and I was instantly enticed by all the pretty vegetables, and next to that was the most divine cheese and wine display. Maybe this trip wouldn't be such a short trip after all I thought.

Kids happy - check, kids bladders emptied - check , cell phone on in case hubby starts to wonder where we are - check.

Things seemed to be in order so I took my time and casually threw things in to my cart that struck my fancy.
When we finally reached the checkout the kids had had enough. They had began to call the checkout girl banana head (you see that's B's new thing he takes any word and puts the word head behind it and it sends him into a fit of giggles, me...not so much.)
I was eager to get them out of there and realized that I was playing with fire by keeping them in there for too long.

Only when I had gotten out of the store and to my car, taken both kids out of the cart and buckled them in to car seats did I realize that tucked underneath J's blankie was a carton of grape tomatoes. Oops, what to do ? Do I rush back in and tell them or do I make a run for it. By that time the kids had gotten cranky as it was hot, my cars ac is broken and both they and I had enough.
So I sped off , with the thought that I will return tomorrow to pay for the ill-gotten tomatoes.
Yep, hi I'm Worker Mommy and I'm a shoplifter.

I know, I know...I'm seriously goin to hell for this one.

Monday, July 9, 2007

Because I'm Lame or Busy...You Pick

This is all I'm posting today.

I got this in an email forward entitled "How to Pay Bills when you're Pissed". I have to say I am rather amused by it. Besides it would have worked wonders when the Power Company did this to me.

Friday, July 6, 2007

Ethnic Elvis, Does it get any cooler than that ?

After a short relatively uneventful flight we stepped in to the 100 degree heat and waited for our shuttle. All I could think about was dinner and a shower as I'd unintentionally skipped lunch that day because of the timing of my flight.

But as soon as I set sight on all the glitz and glamour that is Vegas I forgot about everything and just wanted to settle in freshen up and then hit the town. 100 degree temps be damned.

I've been to Vegas twice before and each time I've stayed at a different hotel. This time New York, New York would be my home for the next few days.

Let me say now that I loved my room, I called hubby and told him I wasn't coming back anytime soon. I had two lush queen beds and a sitting area and while it wasn't nearly the bling that all the celebs are treated to it was just fine for ol' WM here.

I quickly pulled myself together and headed out. I met back up with my boss and we ate at Il Fornaio and let me tell you I'm a huge fan of Italian food. Italian food and wine. Our table was next to a canal and trees (even though it was indoors) and I delighted in watching all the people that passed by. I saw everything from elegant to rode hard and put away wet, hottie to hooker, you name it I saw it and I was loving every minute of it.

After dinner we walked around to check out the town.

Outside a bar in the Exalibur I noticed him. It was an African-American Elvis. In true tourist-y fashion I pulled out my digital cam and tried to snap his pic.

He says loudly "Oh no, no pics unless you go in and have a shot". Of course I knew I didn't really need to do a shot to take his pic but I pretended to play along. This shot , whatever the hell it was was the size of 2 shots and the bartender at one point stuck a straw in it because he told me that I was taking too long. He was quite entertaining in a surly kind of way. He told my boss that she could not sit at the bar if she didn't take a shot and that she had to stand 15 steps back. Of course his game was to get her to buy a shot but she kept saying she couldn't party like she used to.

At one point, when he kept hounding her about moving she said something like "we're HR and we know the law" I think she thought it was funny. But I'm thinking "Shut the hell up, have a shot, it's funny, you're in Vegas baby!". But she didn't and she didn't step away from the bar so I guess they compromised and she was made to wear a 3 foot tall paper hat that said "I got fired from the M & M's factory for throwing away all the W & W's" or something like that (which I captured on film and fully intend on posting on our company intranet one day).
The shot had me a little weak in the knees but I finally got my picture with Elvis. I'm framing it and sending it on my Christmas cards. So wait by your mailboxes.

The evening continued on much like that. More wine, a little gambling , and then we watched a band called the Phoenix do some great rock covers.

I rolled into bed early that night because I knew my first seminar for my conference started at 7:00 a.m. The first day was ok, except I made the mistake of not getting breakfast before leaving the hotel (I don't like breakfast too early in the morning). So I stood in some monumentally disorganized line in the only restaurant at the convention center for runny eggs and dried potatoes.

That night I again met up with my boss for dinner. This time we ate at Wolfgang Pucks in the Venetian hotel. Let me tell you, I so love meals on the companies dime. Incredibly yummy food and positively enchanting wines. After dinner we typsily (you like how I make up my own words) walk back to the hotel. And man is it a trek from the Venetian to New York, New York and even worse in the heat.

It almost wrecked my buzz.

When we reached the hotel, my boss told me she was heading up to her room because she was tired and old and couldn't party anymore.

I however, refused to believe that about myself. So all by my lonesome I went to find adventure. As luck would have it I found some 24 year olds celebrating a birthday and intruded on their fun. They graciously allowed me to hang with them so as not to look like such a complete loser.
Many drinks and a little bit of dancing later, I took my leave of them knowing it was getting late and I had to get up to go to another 7:00 a.m. class. But those machines are just so bright and shiny I detoured and parked my tush at one of those shiny slot machines and promptly lost $10. I don't like losing... so I switched to Roulette. Where I quickly lost $20. I decided it really was time for bed at that point. No, $30 isn't much, but that money could have been better spent shopping.
They have some absolutely fabulous shopping in Vegas, you know ? Its almost as good as Rodeo Drive (I'm guessing anyway since I've never been there).
My fave: the designer Childrens boutique where a capri set was $186.00.
Umm , yeah. I love me some B & J but it ain't happenin.

My last night of partying in Vegas we began with dinner at a Seafood restaurant in Paris and again the food was simply divine. It thundered while we ate inside the hotel. I love that you can get the effect of being outside while inside. That way I can still look cute ...because if I really sat outside I'd be pouring sweat onto my plate.
Mmm tasty.
We ordered a bottle of wine with dinner and my boss drank half a glass and then told me to drink the rest. I couldn't let her down so I did. It was a lovely house mix of Chardonnay,Gewurtziminer and Sauvingon Blanc and I fell in love.

On the way back to our hotel we noticed a Chinese restaurant/bar with a sign outside marked "Drag Queen Parking Only". Well of course we just had to stop in. This was one of the most fabulous drag shows ever. And sadly most of the boys were prettier than me.

This was probably my most drunken night because I had more wine at the show and then did some druken souvenir shopping and chatted the hell out of the cashiers who I'm sure were thinking " will someone please remove this drunk bitch" but I didn't care.

Back at the hotel, my boss again left me and I went in search o' fun. It was my last night there and I had to do it in style. Some gambling, some listening to a band and a margarita later I was through. So I headed up to my room and changed for bed.
As I sat in bed something told me I was missing out on something. So I headed back downstairs in my pajamas no less and gambled a little more.

I was really feeling it the next morning. I know I won't drink like that ever again.

Ok, who am I kidding , I'm already making plans with hubby, mom, some friends and Worker Twin to head back in a few months.

Then I can really party like a Rockstar.

Thursday, July 5, 2007

What makes you a Woman?

As my mom and I sat discussing a program we'd both seen on transgender females yesterday my mom said" You know I really understand where they are coming from"

Intrigued, I listened intently for the follow up. She continued on to say "Here I am, bald, no breasts, no uterus (my mom had a hysterectomy several years ago) and I couldn't feel more female. Being female is a state of mind. So I completely understand what they are saying. Your body doesn't define who you are. It's what you feel"

And while that makes absolute sense, I realized at that moment that I'd never really thought of being female as a state of mind.

It's just how I was born. I’m physically a female and thus I'd never given it any deeper consideration. Until now.

I'd like to think that my being female is also a state of mind and not just what exists physically. But then I have hair and I have breasts and I have my female reproductive organs intact. I’ve never had to think about what losing those things might do to my self image.

Would I still feel like a woman if I didn't have those things?

Would you?

Tuesday, July 3, 2007

Randomly Random

So the bold, beautiful, badass Badoozie tagged me for a random factoid meme a while back and I'm just now getting around to it.

Why ? Well because I'm either a)lazy b)didn't want to do it c)crazy busy and have little time to think about seven fun little factoids or d) all of the above.

But I figured I'd better get to it. Or much like the evil that befalls you if you fail to forward a chain letter I'm pretty sure something bad will happen to me if I fail to complete this meme-especially since Ms. Badoozie is prone to stabbing people .

So here it is in all its glory seven randomly, random facts about yours truly:

1) I was a vegetarian for 9 years. In fact I still enjoy eating non meat meals. But I gotta say I've grown to love me some meat (my sister is probably hurling right now. Sorry Worker Twin)

2)Punctuation and I don't get along. Especially commas. I want to put them everywhere. Thank goodness English teachers aren't reading my blog.

3)I was voted Most Expressive/Creative in High School. How sad that I'm old and unimaginative now.

4)I like to watch true crime documentaries (A&E's Cold Case Files, American Justice and 48 Hours Investigates).I'm always appalled and disgusted at what I'm seeing and hearing yet I continue to watch them.

5)I've been known to go to a Monster Jam (Monster Truck Rally) event every now and then and truly have a good time ( I have hubby to thank for that- it wasn't really something I dug before meeting Mr. Worker Mommy)

6)I often smile at people I don't know when walking down the street. I usually find people to be quite friendly in the Seattle area but when I'm on the East Coast visiting my sisters or just last week when I was in Vegas people looked at me like I'd just dropped in from Mars when I flashed them my pearlies. I think they might have thought I was going to mug them.

7)I have a favorite number. I'm not all obsessive and weird about it. I've just decided the number 12 rocks. After all yours truly arrived on the scene 12/12. And my 40th birthday just happens to be on 12/12/12. Often times when I look up at the clock it just happens to be 12:12...(cue Twilight Zone music).

Now that I've sufficiently bored the bejeezus out of you I do want to tag 7 others...just 'cause its fun to know random stuff about people.

So I tag: Brillig, Southern Fried Mom, Lollie , Ally , Domestically Disabled Girl, Queen Heather from the Island of Shake Shake and Jennifer aka Binky Bitch
(please, please oblige me y'all for I have no other source of entertainment at the moment)

Happy 4th to One & All!

Monday, July 2, 2007

Damn You Quarters, Why must you be so Shiny ?

I'm sure that must have been what my little boy was thinking just before he ingested the smooth, shiny temptations.

I typed out the story of my son's ordeal and then deleted it.

I wanted to share it. In fact, I wanted to write it down in hopes that it would be therapeutic. In hopes that it would help me forgive myself for the fact that I let a nurse convince me that B hadn't swallowed quarters. You see he briefly mentioned something about a quarter to my mom when the original episode happened. Seconds later when she asked if he swallowed a quarter he said "No". Upon calling the Dr's office I was told "The fact that he's vomitting and able to speak tells me that he didn't swallow a quarter".
I regret trusting those words, I regret not trusting my little boy, I regret not immediately bringing him to the ER. I regret that he was miserable during those few days we thought that it was a stomach virus with sore throat as told to us by our pediatrician. I regret that I was on an airplane and not with my child when he had that scary procedure to retrieve the quarters. I regret so much.
I've re-lived the event in my head several times and all I see is my little boy miserable , unable to eat, speak or drink while the quarters were lodged in his throat and we didn't know.
But for as much as I've felt like a horrible parent over these last few days there's this little boy that still loves me, that has the most infectious laugh, brilliant smile ,sharp wit and he's healthy and I get the pleasure of being his mom.
So I know I have to focus on that and not would of , should've and could have. I have to focus on the present... but I can't forget the past.
I will be vigilant in his healthcare and I will listen to what he says and most importantly I won't automatically trust what a health care professional says just because he/she is a health care professional.

I'm sorry, B, mommy won't ever let you down like that again.

Can you tell I've been absolutely plagued with guilt ? I've been able to laugh a little and have certainly had the discussion with B about not putting anything in his mouth other than food. But deep down it makes me sad to think about the situation. So if anyone wants to share any horrible parenting moments with me so that I don't feel like at any second my parenting license should be revoked I'm all for it.

And with that, I'll return tomorrow less guilt ridden (hopefully) and out of the depths of despair and will treat you to a meme Badoozie tagged me for a while back in which I'll showcase all of the randomness that makes me fabulous.

And I might even share some of my Vegas escapades.

So...Y'all come back now y'hear!